“Proclaim your truth and do not be silenced by
fear.” ~Catherine of Siena
Normally I face the
lessons of life one at a time – and that’s always been more than enough to deal
with and still recognize insights gained, and to make them a positive part of
my life. But a recent serious and scary
medical-dental diagnosis taught me two very important things. First, our bodies try all the time to tell us
important things that are going on, and we need to pay attention to them so
that we can act upon any problems
Second, even when we are actively listening, we’re sometimes blocked
from taking positive action because of the decisions we’ve made earlier in
life.
Until recently, I had
no idea that I wasn’t in full charge of my life, or that I had let some
childhood events and memories result in decisions that were still directing and
affecting my health. What I discovered
is that as adults – decades later – those decisions may prove to be not wise, in our best interest or for our highest and best good.
What we normally do is continue going on our not-so-merry
way, still acting on those old “orders,” until life delivers us a wake-up call.
After I got my
medical-dental wake-up call, here’s
what popped up for me from my subconscious.
I was in second grade and because my teeth were prone to decay, I had a
monthly dental appointment that continued until every tooth had a filling. The dentist’s name rhymed with killer, so we
kids called him Dr. Killer because every tool he used on us was scary and sharp
or sounded like a jackhammer.
At each appointment, by the time my name was called to go in, my imagination had done its worst and I was a bundle of anxiety. I was desperate to get out and would keep trying to slip away from the dentist’s grasp. He had no choice but to try to get me back in the chair. He always won because his last resort was, “Shall I call in your parents?” I blamed myself for my dental health and never once complained to my parents, or told anyone else about my crippling fear and faulty teeth.
At each appointment, by the time my name was called to go in, my imagination had done its worst and I was a bundle of anxiety. I was desperate to get out and would keep trying to slip away from the dentist’s grasp. He had no choice but to try to get me back in the chair. He always won because his last resort was, “Shall I call in your parents?” I blamed myself for my dental health and never once complained to my parents, or told anyone else about my crippling fear and faulty teeth.
Several years later my
parents took me to see a specialist to find out what could be done to help
me. The young dentist took a brief look at
all the shiny fillings and said, “She won’t have any teeth by the time she’s
35-years old.”
I promised myself
right then that when I grew up I would always go to a dentist at least twice a
year and do everything they advised. I
was determined to keep as many of my teeth as possible and prove the young dentist
wrong.
Knowing what I know
now as a senior citizen, I realize that I was just one of millions of
youngsters who were introduced to dentistry way back when, and it wasn’t a walk
in the park. I don’t know if novocaine was in existence then, but my
dentist never used it. As a result of
being so young and emotionally vulnerable, it felt like torture, and left many
of us scarred and fearful of dentists for life.
Fortunately as a young
adult I chose dentists recommended by my primary care physicians, and this
enabled me to make it through the past decades with only some minor procedures,
and a permanent bridge that I thought would outlast me. At my last mid-year checkup, however, I
learned that this assumption might not be realistic.
After the cleaning,
the dentist did a thorough checkup. He
looked surprised and said: “This is serious,” followed by a detailed list of
dental conditions that would include losing the permanent bridge. I was catapulted back to childhood for a few
seconds and thought that the nightmare experience that had haunted me
throughout my early years was about to become a reality.
Since I had seen the
dentist six months ago and had no prior hint of any problems, I was particularly stunned. A part of me
wanted to ask, “Are you sure?” But all the
eight-year old in me could manage was to ask if he could help me. I could tell by the conflicting expressions
on his face that he wanted to help but wasn’t sure he could. I hung onto a thought that drifted into my
consciousness, “Maybe this is my wake-up call.”
Still a little shaken, I decided to give the situation some more thought
and was determined not to act in haste or react from fear.
On my way home I
blamed myself for ever eating anything with sugar in it, and for sometimes
skipping flossing because I was too tired.
I also wondered about how all these conditions had happened in such a
short time and without my noticing any pain or discomfort of any kind.
The more I thought
about the latter, the more I knew it was time to go within and ask what my lesson
was in this situation. According to my
inner guidance, it was time to release the fear of dentists and the shame of
having flawed teeth. Doing the release
work would also free me to speak my truth – not only about my dental health but
in other areas and aspects of my life.
Greatly heartened by
that, I e-mailed my doctors and they responded quickly to advise me that almost
every unusual malady over the past two years could be linked directly to the
dental problems. While I had been “listening”
to my body, and sharing the ailments with my physicians – knowing nothing of
any dental challenges at that time – so it never occurred to anyone to share
them with my dentist.
With the support of my
team of physicians, it took only a short time to settle into a proactive
plan. I had listened to my body – and
now I was starting to speak up and take action.
One dentist I was consulting with about my situation went right for a question that he thought was the core of my
dental problems. He had seen my x-rays
and the query was legitimate. “Are you
the type of patient who only seeks a dentist when the condition needs urgent
care?” Without a second thought the
emotion welled up within me and with a powerful surge of energy I firmly and
fearlessly did some more speaking up,
sharing pent-up fear and shame that had been suppressed since childhood.
The doctor’s
expression immediately changed from a business-as-usual approach to one of
compassion. He told me that it was
unfortunate that this has been the common experience of so many senior citizens
as well as their parents, and the result was usually that they were never able
to overcome those early fears. This
caused many to steer clear of dentists until it was too late to save their
teeth. He explained that this was why he became a "space age" dentist.
He smiled and added,
“As for your situation, let’s work together to restore your dental health.” I agreed.
By the time we ended
our meeting, the dentist knew I had never broken my childhood promise to take
better care of myself. And I realized
from his input that I had still been acting from decisions made in childhood
about not sharing information with any dentist.
The fear back then was that it would work against me and I would require
even more dental work. I promised myself
I would never make that mistake again.
The Good News is that
I am committed to partnering with my current dentist, and he has already
completed some of the preliminary procedures that are making it possible to
replace the “permanent” bridge. I am so
grateful there was a choice available.
I’ve also learned from this experience that no matter what our challenge
is, the key is to pay close attention to the messages our bodies give us when
we’re out of balance. This is a signal
to speak up and take care of the problem. We can also
ask for clarification through a dream, or simply turn within and ask for
guidance—then listen to it.
Naturally I also
realize that the only reason I was able to face this serious situation as an
adult is because I was finally aware enough to replace the “old” instructions
of a well-meaning and brave little eight-year old (who I love dearly)—with
those of a grownup.
I claim that with
God’s grace and loving kindness, I continue speaking my
truth and living as the Real Me I was born to be.
__________________________________
Copyright © 2014 by
Fern Stewart Welch
The author’s books:
“Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with
Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a
Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008) and “The Heart Knows the Way
– How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit
Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as
well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
