Achieving Inner Happiness Is Life's Highest Gift

In three of the wealthiest countries in the world – the U.S., Great Britain and China – the number of children and adults with depression continues to increase right along with financial success. Unhappiness is obviously linked to something other than economics.

Thinking back over my life, I realized that there was definitely a level of relief when as a single mother of three I was able to cover the bills and have a little wiggle room. As I progressed past the day-to-day survival mode and was able to realize a greater degree of success in my life, I realized there was never a long-term satisfaction attached to achieving a particular possession or level of financial gain. There was only a sense of relief and a short-lived “high.” This was followed almost immediately by the thought that there was something else I had to accomplish before I could find lasting happiness.

I knew that following society’s markers of success – wealth, fame and a fairy-tale existence – was not a true path to lasting happiness. This left the question: what is?

In my wildest imaginings I couldn’t have foreseen that the journey I was about to embark on would result in the answer. It began in a time of desperation during my late husband’s extended illness. I was determined to help my husband make his last life journey in a way that was more spiritually enlightened and loving. I knew it was possible to do this, even though I had never heard of or read about how to approach it.

I tried for years to fulfill this heart desire by myself but was totally unsuccessful. Then I did what millions of others have done in such trying circumstances. I turned within, seeking a connection with the eternal and sublime energy that is within each of us and everything in the universe, which we call God.

There I found the sanctuary of unconditional love, support, guidance, peace, joy and happiness that is the heart’s desire of every human being. My life and our experience were transformed in a way that exceeded my dreams and desires. After my husband’s death and a period of mourning, I felt a sustained sense of happiness, peace and contentment for the first time in my life.

I knew this was the answer to the lasting happiness my heart and soul had been seeking. I chronicled the process in my book “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within.”

This level of calm, peace and happiness continues—regardless of circumstances. It has been confirmed time and again but never more dramatically than the night a car crashed into a wall of my house. While the event, and its aftermath was definitely extraordinary, my inner peace remained intact during the entire situation. I dubbed it The Hole in the Wall That Became a Holy Experience.

Taking this inner journey unlocks the flow of good into our lives in a way that is for our highest and best good, as well as that of the world. The wonderful truth is that we and we alone hold the key to opening that door. It is a path that every human being is meant to take, and our souls know the path, the pace and the timing of the journey.

I believe that by connecting with the sublime and eternal energy within us, we actualize happiness on an inner level, which is the highest gift life has to offer. I also believe this is the natural antidote for depression and many of the ills of our world.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Healing the Money Dis-Ease Is a Prescription for Happiness

After several decades of studying – and successfully healing some of my own dis-ease about money – I discovered some valuable insights into one of life’s most misunderstood challenges. I learned that in and of itself, money does not bring happiness, that money is not evil, and that seeking it in a healthful way is not only a necessity, it is appropriate and righteous.

However, money is only one part of the larger reality of abundance, which is a deeper and much more complex issue than most people think. Abundance encompasses not only our financial condition, but our health, happiness, relationships, any success we have and how we experience every single aspect of our lives. All of this is decided by the conscious and subconscious thoughts we hold.

For many of us, to live the life we truly desire, which is experiencing abundance in a way that brings happiness, it is necessary to overcome a sense of poverty and feeling undeserving, and develop trust in the over flowing richness of the universe, which will open us to allowing money and success into our life. We also need to learn how to manage our current financial situation so that we will have the tools to handle increased funds—something many people neglect.

I learned that being rich means trusting in the abundance of the universe and facing life without fear. It has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with how much money we have. And conversely, no matter how much money we have, without that trust and peace of mind we are, indeed, truly poor and impoverished.

In order to heal into the fullness of abundance, we need to release the myth about money being the root of all evil. Money is simply another form of energy, like electricity, and our job is to learn to utilize this energy in a healthful way to enhance our lives and the lives of others.

We also need to relinquish the fiction that money will magically bring happiness and heal all our problems. Money can be a wonderful and blessed reality in our lives. It can alleviate the stress of day-to-day survival. And when we are able to healthfully amass it in sufficient amounts, it can allow us a level of freedom to follow our dreams and live a full and fruitful life. All of this is greatly desirable.

The catch is: If we haven’t healed our inner issues around money – and grown in conscious awareness – we will either become miserly with it or it will slip through our fingers like water. We will still be the same person we were before, and with the same inability to fully embrace a life of abundance. This is the reason many people remain mired in a poverty existence, and why others, including some celebrities have difficulty managing prosperity and success when it does come their way.

While we may never hear about the millions of non-celebrities whose lives reflect their fears around money, here is one scenario that is widespread among many senior citizens. Despite having no rational reason to be concerned about money, their lives become consumed with protecting what they have and making more. They essentially become prisoners of their fear, and are unable to use their resources to enhance their own happiness or that of their family. Often their excuse is that they are leaving it to their children, who would be better served if their parents healed within themselves and lived to the fullest, instead of passing on a legacy of fear.

As we heal our inner issues around money-abundance, and move into a state of trust and gratitude, we will also be releasing fear around life in general. We will then find ourselves in alignment with the natural flow of the universal life force-energy, God, which is the source of all good.

Then we can begin to experience an even greater benefit of being in the energy that is the source of love, peace, trust and benevolence: We will open to living more of these qualities within ourselves, and will experience much more fulfilling, purposeful and happy lives.

What a wonderful surprise to find that seeking a life of abundance is not only natural and sacred—it is a path to happiness!
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Creating a New Road Map to Health

I vividly recall a comment made by my children’s paternal great-grandmother Mary Talbot Simonds at age ninety. She smiled broadly and said, “If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.” I can relate to that statement.

Like many others blessed with good health, I thought that by following a common sense approach to diet and exercise – and staying current with medical and dental checkups – that I would be able to maintain my health at or near this desired level. Much of my sense of security was based on the fact that for the past five years, I have experienced the most peaceful, purposeful and satisfying time of my life.

Apparently I had conveniently forgotten about the effect the stresses and strains of prior years had on my body. I am now facing a number of chronic health challenges that many mature adults typically experience. And like many others at this stage, I have been weighing the pros and cons of prescription drugs and the unknown side-effects and future consequences.

According to my belief, illness represents an imbalance in our mental, emotional and/or spiritual aspects that eventually, if left unchecked, manifests as a dis-ease in the physical body. It is a signal that something is intervening with the body’s natural ability to heal itself, and we need to pay attention.

I also believe that all the circumstances we draw to us in life – including our physical condition at birth, accidents and disease processes – are opportunities presented by our soul to learn specific lessons. Of course we don’t have to become conscious partners in the adventure called life. We can just stand by and let life happen to us, as victims, or we can become loving, knowledgeable participants in the process.

My choice is to use the chronic conditions as a wake-up call and to answer my soul’s invitation to once again stop, look within and learn. I have known for years that Spirit is the power, mind is the builder and the physical side of life is the result. It is my desire to see what I can do to help my body regain balance.

It isn’t an easy choice. There is a surreal and fear-based emphasis on disease in our country today. We are bombarded with offers for quick-fix drugs and remedies for every ailment imaginable without much knowledge of what the effects of long-term usage will be.

I know my method isn’t for everyone; no one method or approach is. Yet I am relying on one of the strengths I gained from past experiences: I know that I am willing – once something finally gets my attention – to look within and work with the messages inherent in any life challenges. I also know that what Dr. Wayne Dyer teaches is true—when you change your thoughts you change your life.

In selecting a team of conventional and complementary physicians to be my partners – I expect them to support me in doing what I can on my own – and, equally as important, to let me know when the greater wisdom would include the use of conventional medicine.

I also recall the fullness of Mary Talbot Simond’s life. Not only was she a role model for unconditional love, she manifested a strong and unwavering trust in God, herself, her body and life. I realize that she lived my long-term goals for health and life—to meet them with love instead of fear.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

On Becoming a Human-Being Instead of a Human-Doing

It wasn’t until my late husband became critically ill and I left the corporate world to care for him that I became aware that for most of my life I had been a human-doing instead of a human-being.

The realization didn’t come quickly. For a long time I was so overwhelmed by all the challenges before me that I threw myself into activities that consumed the hours and days of my life. Evidently the strong work ethic I learned from my birth-family translated into feeling worthy only when I was fully engaged in doing something. The busyness also served to keep me from ever questioning how I was living my life, if it was working for me—and if not, why not?

When my husband’s health challenges became so serious that he had to be placed in a 24-hour care environment, the situation changed dramatically. I had released a number of external commitments in order to care for him, and for the first time in my adult life I found myself relatively free. The freedom proved unsettling. Not only did I desperately need to come to grips with the emotional situation with my husband, I needed to come to peace with what all of this would mean to my future life. After trying unsuccessfully to resolve the situation on my own through my usual direct-action efforts, I realized I didn’t know what to do. I felt helpless.

The time had come when I had to stop all the doing and turn within for answers. I was faced with the biggest challenge to my own peace of mind and sense of well- being—me. Or more accurately, the sum total of mental and emotional baggage that lived within me and that had determined my actions, inactions, thoughts, decisions and non-decisions my entire life.

I had an established daily routine of meditating, journaling and affirmative prayer, but because the job and then my husband’s situation took priority over my needs, the time I spent within was determined by those demands. Now I could spend as much time as desired.

My well-honed and single-eyed approach did prove beneficial in this instance. After months of this inner focus, I began to feel a sense of peace. For the first time in my life I was content spending time within. The meditation helped to discipline my racing “monkey-mind.” Gradually my mind opened to a deeper awareness of life and awakened me to my self, others and the eternal and sublime energy that is within each of us and everything in the universe, which we call God. I was realizing some balance in my life, which brought greater clarity to my thought processes and a growing ability to manage my emotional state. When I opened to loving myself, I became aware that my ability to love others in an unselfish and healthier way was greatly enhanced.

I discovered that meditation is a path to inner peace, as it enables us to connect with the sanctuary of unconditional love, guidance and support within that is the heart desire of every conscious person on Earth.

In this process I became a human-being instead of a human-doing. I no longer judge my worth or my life by what I do. By learning to live an inner-directed life, rather than seeking meaning outside myself, I know that whatever activity I engage in will be meaningful and purposeful.

There is a new-found peace and contentment at the core of my being, a sustained sense of well-being and happiness—no matter what conditions or situations arise. I am no longer driven to do. I allow myself to be.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

On Honoring the Lives of Great Women

It has been my life gift and privilege to know and count as friends two of the great feminine souls of this century: Drs. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and Gladys Taylor McGarey. It has always concerned me that extraordinary individuals such as these do not always receive the full recognition and honor they deserve while they are alive. Dr. Kübler-Ross died in 2004.

She was the Swiss-born physician, author and lecturer who revolutionized the way in which the world thinks about death and dying, and pioneered the movement for patients’ rights and hospice organizations in the United States. Through her seminal book “On Death and Dying,” and her worldwide lectures, she captured the hearts and minds of millions of people around the world who were hungry for the information she had to share.

However, the international icon’s groundbreaking work raised a wall of resistance from members of the establishment who were not ready to cede power to patients and their families. The short-sighted media coverage during those early years focused on the establishment’s strong opposition to her r/evolutionary work, which placed her at the center of a maelstrom of controversy, denying her much of the honor she deserved for many years.

She always knew it was the message that was important, not her, and she was determined to deliver it despite the resistance and the personal sacrifices it required. As a result, she brought the once-taboo subject of death and dying into the light of reason and compassion, and individuals around the world can now face death with dignity and surrounded by their loved ones.

It is gratifying to know that this wonderful individual, who persevered against great odds and elevated the consciousness of humanity, is now receiving national recognition from her adopted country. Dr. Kübler-Ross was inducted posthumously into the National Women’s Hall of Fame on October 7, 2007.

At 87-years of age, Gladys Taylor McGarey, M.D., M.D.(H), is still going strong. She is the internationally recognized “mother of holistic medicine in America.” Similarly to Dr. Kübler-Ross, she faced an equally lengthy, strong and verbal outcry from the medical establishment as she advocated and advanced the combination of allopathic and holistic medical practices to enhance our healthcare system.

While focused on ushering in the successful emergence of complementary medicine, Dr. McGarey was also mentoring and supporting the next level of leaders in holistic medicine, many of whom are now nationally and internationally known.

She continues her lifelong commitment to healing through global humanitarian missions sponsored by the foundation that bears her name. Dr. McGarey was one of the founders of the American Holistic Medical Association and its first female president. She has authored two books that are considered classics in the holistic field: “The Physician Within You: Medicine for the Millennium,” and “Born to Live.” The story of her exemplary life is told in the biography “Born to Heal.”

It is easy to see why the two became friends. They understood each other’s fierce dedication to a life mission, and recognized that together they covered the circle of life. When they shared the speakers’ platform, Dr. McGarey spoke on natural birthing and the fact that the body, mind, spirit connection is vital to the healing process. Dr. Kübler-Ross brought new insights and understanding to death and dying. She taught that consciously accepting this natural life event would allow us to live more fully and thus to die with a sense of completion and gratitude for the gift of life.

I know that Dr. Kübler-Ross was determined to use her life and abilities to further the cause of good on Earth, and her name will be emblazoned in the heavens as a true healing force on this planet. Dr. McGarey, meanwhile, continues to walk the noble and sacred path of selfless service to mankind. I just believe the world needs to recognize and celebrate such heroes while they still walk among us.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

What It Means to Live In a Culture That Resists Intimacy

Last night seemed like any other. I drove into my gated community, pressed the garage door opener, entered—and breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind my car.

The difference is that this was the first time I realized that my reaction was fear-based. For a few minutes I justified that feeling. I thought about the incredible traffic, the reality that the much larger vehicles on the road that are in the majority could crush my little car like a grape, then factored in the fearful world conditions, the rising crime rate and realized that arriving home unscathed and unharmed day after day was in and of itself a victory.

While all of that is true, I also realized that by closing the garage door and shutting out the world, I was also figuratively and literally closing myself off to the world. It has been ten years since I moved into this house. I have maintained my friendships and other relationships, but I don’t know anyone in this development except my winter-visitor neighbor next door and two individuals across the street who came to my aid when I had a house problem a few years ago. And this “knowing” doesn’t extend much beyond an occasional wave and a few words of greeting.

This has now become a way of life in our country: We each have our little space with our own little family and we are isolated from others. Today it would be unthinkable to make an unannounced visit to friends or family.

I thought back to my childhood in St. Louis. We knew the families [and a lot of their business] on both sides of the street and even on neighboring streets. There was a palpable sense of structure and security in knowing that we were connected to our birth families, relatives, friends and the community. Looking back it was as if we were embraced in a living process that it seemed would continue through all the events and stages of our lives.

Today, however, we find ourselves living in a culture that fears intimacy and this has radically changed our lives. We are afraid of needing one another, and of getting close. We are so isolated and disconnected from our inner selves and each other that we don’t even realize it is community we miss and need.

I believe the saddest aspect of this fear of intimacy is that it has spawned a generation of lone rangers whose goal is not to need or be needed. I remember when it was different, and from that perspective it is easy to see the error in drawing within and shrinking from life. This is a no-win situation as it denies humanity’s need to grow into fully functioning and aware spiritual beings who can fulfill our highest potential. We were not meant to do it alone. We are all one.

I realize that this tendency may seem a natural response to the more dangerous and highly mobile life of today. Yet this is not the way we were meant to live and deep down we know it. Our birthright is to live purpose-filled and happy lives as long as we’re alive.

I believe this means wisely coming to a balance: Taking the time [solitude] to go within and truly know ourselves and to stay connected with our inner self, and then becoming an active part of life in a way that is fully conscious, meaningful and appropriate for us. A sense of community and connectedness with life doesn’t happen by retreating within our houses and closing the doors. It comes out of participating in life with others. It is a state of mind, and I’m moving to that state.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

The Importance of Remaining Connected to Nature

Many adults can’t accept the fact that anything they do in their daily lives could possibly affect the climate of the entire world. And many children aren’t even aware that our food does not come from supermarkets, it comes from the Earth.

In today’s world many of us have become so isolated from nature that it is difficult for us to feel any connection with it. And when we don’t feel a connection with nature it is impossible to understand its vital life-giving importance to our lives. It is then easier to turn a deaf ear to the realities of global warming, dimming of the sun, nuclear proliferation, melting of the ice caps and other potentially damaging and destructive issues that could destroy our life support system.

It is easy to see how many otherwise caring people may have developed such confused and laissez-faire attitudes. First of all, a lot of the information is difficult to understand—and how or when these changes will affect us is still being debated. This causes a lot of people to incorrectly discount the facts. When faced with awkward and discomforting information, people will tend to take the easy way out and ignore it so they don’t have to deal with it.

Many of us also live in homes that are protected against heat and cold, with many modern conveniences, which lulls people into a false sense of security that man has successfully harnessed nature. At the same time they hope that the minds that brought us the Internet and a steady flow of high-tech toys will also save the day by turning to technology.

It would be naïve and unrealistic to ignore the fact that America’s corporations continue their obsession with profit at any price, which is one of the major deterrents to the U.S. becoming involved in a global approach to this problem. It is only a matter of time, however, before our nation has to face the harsh realities before us.

Meanwhile, the wise native peoples around the world continue to remind us that we’re at the critical point of no-return right now and unless we wake up and begin to take care of the Earth the results will be irreversible. For centuries their prophecies have foretold of a time when man’s activities would cause the trees to die, the once soothing breezes to become deadly and the sun to lose its relationship with the Earth. They believe that time is now and this eerily confirms what the scientists are telling us.

To the people who have remained connected to nature, the Earth isn’t just symbolically our mother—it is our Mother. It supplies us with what we need for food, shelter and life, and gives us our connection with the greater cycle of life.

The native peoples have been warning us that in our growing disconnection and disregard for nature, we are playing Russian roulette with the future of the Earth—and the destiny of humanity. They believe one of the planet’s sacred functions is to continue and expand the process of Creation.

They also point out that the Earth has an incredible ability to balance and heal itself. It could do that at any time just by flicking us off this planet—as easily as a horse’s tail swishes off a fly. We need to listen!
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Giving Your Power Away Means Living Someone Else’s Life—Not Your Own

I went from the warm embrace of my family into an early marriage. Because I was in love and it is what wives did back then, I ceded a lot of the responsibility for decision-making to my equally young husband. I gave my power away and I was soon enmeshed in a dependent relationship that would eventually deteriorate and end in divorce.

Since then I have learned that when you give your personal power away to anyone or anything, you end up living someone else’s life or passion—not your own.

It took me a lot of years before I figured out that life is set up to provide us what we call problems, and others call opportunities to learn the lessons we are meant to experience. These problems usually have multiple layers like an onion, and it may take us many such “opportunities” before we finally choose to face the problems and begin to learn the lessons they have for us.

When we can face our problems and reclaim our power, there awaits an awesome gift—we awaken to the fact that the power is within us, we just gave it away. In taking it back, we recognize our true worth, and become aware that we can have whatever we want [or don’t want] in our lives and can literally live out our dreams and desires.

One of my biggest life fears has always been conflict, and I’ve been able to avoid most major confrontations—until recently. A strong, passionate disagreement arose between me and others around an approach to the basic structuring of an organization we were birthing. I had invested a lot of love, time, energy and effort into this project. Even though I knew my insights had value, I was tempted to try to duck the situation, but I couldn’t do it. I had finally lived long enough to know that the same old problem would just keep coming back in different and more powerful guises until I faced it once and for all. Armed with my Truth, I initiated several opportunities in which to firmly state my case, which I thought would resolve the disagreement. The opposition was also strong and the situation became tense and emotionally charged.

As a child one of my favorite expressions was, “Truth will out!” I thought that meant it would triumph. In this case my Truth didn’t. I learned that truth can be trumped by whoever holds the authority.

This was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and for a few days I wondered if this was an appropriate use of my life energy. Then an incredible thing happened: My ego let go of the importance of being right. I did not feel any ill will or negativity for anyone involved—all I felt was freedom, love and release. With my new-found clarity and empowerment, I embraced my integrity and resigned from the organization.

My body is still reacting to the energy required to face this situation. But the peace I feel within is surely my soul’s response to finally owning my power, standing in truth and choosing to speak up for me. I bless everyone involved, sincerely wish them success, and know that whatever they have to learn from this is none of my business.

I believe the feeling at the core of my being confirms that this was undeniably one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned. It certainly carried the most energy. There is usually a life gift in each of such lessons learned: Sometimes a relationship is healed, a physical problem goes away or a door opens, and voila! I want the universe to know that I’m expecting a really big gift this time!
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

"And in the Sweetness of Friendship Let There be Laughter and Sharing of Pleasures" -Kahlil Gibran

At this stage of life, I am looking back on a number of birthdays, some memorable and some forgettable. I recall a specific surprise celebration that was the biggest and potentially the most embarrassing birthday party I’ve ever had.

My second husband and I hadn’t been married long, and had already had an early celebration of my birthday with family members. I was unaware when the actual big day arrived.

It was about dusk on a Sunday evening and we had just come in from our vegetable garden carrying baskets of fresh produce. It was close to dinner time, and he asked me to go to our favorite little neighborhood restaurant, but I begged off. He persisted. He told me I could just slip on something comfortable, and I relented. I put on a colorful muumuu, pulled my hair back into a ponytail, quickly brushed on some blusher and lipstick and off we went. This made him happy, and it pleased me to do this for him.

I was a little surprised when the hostess walked us through the restaurant to a large private banquet room in the rear of the restaurant. Inside were fifty people shouting “Surprise!” I was stunned, and even more by the guest list, which was primarily our male business associates [his and mine] and their beautifully dressed and coiffed spouses—as well as my dearest friend. I locked eyes with her immediately with a look that I hoped said volumes.

If the event had been filmed, I would probably have been nominated for an acting award of some sort—especially if the judges were women. My husband was such a kind and generous man that I decided never to mention my feelings—to him. I did, however, make it clear to my friend, his co-conspirator, how I felt about such surprises.

Well, that same friend recently invited me to dinner with her at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate my birthday. As the day neared, she called and told me she had asked her daughter to join us. I was delighted. On the afternoon of my birthday, several of our mutual friends called and asked, “What time is the dinner?” Of course I promised to act surprised.

I totally forgive my friend for not remembering my feelings about surprise parties, because thanks to her I’ve changed my mind. That particular evening made up for any less-than birthdays I have ever had in my life.

At first I thought that the pure pleasure I felt during the event was simply because someone cared enough to remember my birthday. That was part of it—but there was more.

My friend, who I have known, loved and cherished for thirty-six years, convened a small group of our mutual friends and the result was magical. I have never enjoyed such a flawless, fun and delightful evening, and I’m sure it was mutual, which made it perfect.

The well-aimed barbs that ricocheted around the table were followed by hearty laughter. The occasion soon began to resemble a mutual mini-roast, but the tenderness and joy was evident in the trust that allowed vulnerability and total openness. While at the time I just flat-out enjoyed it, now I realize it is a testament to our lasting friendships. We have shared our innermost secrets and fears, and been there for each other through the emotional earthquakes and traumas of our lives.

Being embraced in a circle of dear, longtime friends opened doors to loving memories that are usually closed because we live in a time when many people are so fearful of intimacy. I am so grateful to these women for their continuing gift of friendship.

"For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." -Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

What You Think You Heard Me Say Was Not What I Said!

I recently sent an email to someone with questions I had about certain events that had transpired concerning an organization we both supported. I was stunned when a return e-mail brought a response that was totally unexpected.

More e-mails went back and forth, but nothing seemed to bring any clarity, they just made the situation worse. Finally, the uneasiness within me sent up a red flag, which was a distinct signal that any hope of clear communication was not possible in the current circumstances.

That didn’t feel good. Several days later I attended an event at a local spiritual center and much to my surprise the topic of the spiritual leader’s remarks was “Open Communication.”

She indicated that from early childhood, not only are we not taught how to communicate openly, we are taught that it’s usually better or wiser to keep quiet. So, we grow up, go out into the world, get married and wonder what is happening in our lives.

Leading off her list of major deterrents to open communication are our own built-in filters through which we communicate with others and expect them to respond honestly and clearly. Naturally, others have their own built-in filters, which they also expect us to be aware of and respect, making miscommunication inevitable.

This then brings up the no-win situation of the need to be right, and the familiar and non-productive “You said,”—“No, you said” in order to justify our position.

The spiritual leader said that while it is always appropriate to speak our truth, the important thing is to connect with another human being, and to do so without bringing the conversation to the Fatal Point—where you have eventually beaten the other person down and they give up. In this scenario, both parties are cheated of the desired goal, which is to leave both parties energized and feeling connected on a positive level.

The last element in open communication has to do with cause and effect and the fact that what we say about another or an event creates energy that will come back to us. If we put someone down for their intellectual capacity, this will result in a lessening of ours. Similarly, if we castigate someone for their lack of spiritual awareness, we lower our own.

If we blame others for our inability to openly communicate with them in a positive way, we will be arguing for our limitations and they will remain ours. We will also continue to have communication challenges in every area of our lives.

If we truly seek to be conscious and aware human beings, we will welcome the opportunity presented by such frustrating situations, and seek to learn from them. We will take the time to become aware of our own filters, be open to learning about the filters of others, and to act accordingly.

I followed this wise woman’s advice to halt the non-productive cycle. I sent an e-mail with a 24-pt. headline of red hearts and music notes and the following message: What we evidently have here is a miscommunication. Sorry and Love. Let’s move on past this. We have the same goal.

I felt better immediately.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.