Monday, July 1, 2013
When Pain Is the Teacher, What Is the Lesson?
"I'm sorry, pain is a part of life, and those who can tolerate, understand and eventually come to terms with pain are the ones who live above the rest. Life is simple but not easy."
~Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love
As I sat before a blank computer screen trying to figure out how to share my latest insights about coping with health challenges -- without it seeming like an "organ recital" -- a childhood memory bubbled up and resolved the issue.
Whenever we were visiting my maternal grandmother, the moment always came when my folks asked the inevitable question, "How are you doing?" Now, I loved my grandmother dearly, but I dreaded her response, full of bad news and dire predictions about what it all meant. And she looked so defeated and shamed by the admissions. By the time we left for home, a pall hung over us, broken only when my father stopped at a local dairy that sold ice-cream cones. Then everyone's spirits lifted and life was good again, at least it was in my child's mind.
That memory dovetailed with my recent onslaught of diverse maladies, a lot of accompanying pain and the desire to learn how to cope in a way that was more uplifting, positive and proactive than in the past. My desire was heightened by the shock of having entered the ranks of those "poor souls" who always seem to be suffering some ailment or injury.
I felt ashamed and guilty and wondered what I had done or not done to set this sad situation in motion. My friends jokingly suggested that my ever-lengthening list of ailments reminded them of the Bible's long-suffering Job. I didn't really believe I was having a Biblical experience, but I did think that maybe I could be "on my way out," or simply having a heightened awareness of my body breaking down. Neither was desirable.
Fortunately, my history reminded me that for more than a decade, I had been committed to growing through life instead of just going through it. I needed to stop my negative thinking and get back on track. I knew there was something positive to learn, and I knew that whatever it was would help me and hopefully many others.
Just to be clear -- dealing with my health challenges was not easy. My problems were, and some still are, painful and potentially serious. They began with a broken foot, then shingles that segued into post herpetic neuralgia, which is a painful and excruciating aftermath of shingles that 1 out of 10 people fall heir to. After that as soon as one malady subsided a new one popped up. I won't repeat the full list because I don't want to "own" these ailments I want to move beyond them--and especially the latest one, infrequent episodes of double vision.
This really hit me hard. I'm a writer and my eyes are an integral asset for that pursuit. I had decided years ago that as long as I could get to my computer each day and continue sharing what I learned with others - my life's purpose - I would be a happy camper. This new malady was the last straw, and the energy within me increased exponentially. I was now laser-focused on discovering the insights I was to learn from this entire series of unfortunate events.
With that as my intention, I recalled what one of my mentors, the late Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, taught me: "Everything that happens on Earth is for a reason; nothing happens by chance." She was the world expert on death and dying, and also considered one of the most brilliant women of this or any other century.
Holding that truism to me, I went within and asked my usual question: What am I to learn from this situation? Once again my inner guidance was there prompting me along my way. I recalled reading psychologist and bestselling author M. Scott Peck's book titled "The Road Less Traveled" many years ago. I refreshed my memory with a brief look back at it and was bowled over by his initial statement that "Life is difficult."
Peck went on to explain that when we can't accept the truth that life is difficult, and we keep thinking life should be easy--that's what makes it difficult. It seems, and it makes perfect sense to me now, that we're here to be challenged by life and what we don't want in our lives is actually the motivator that is meant to push us to evolve into a higher conscious awareness.
The realization that I was living the process of coping with such painful challenges brought me to the following insight. With each succeeding health condition, I moved more quickly through the moaning and bemoaning (snit fit), met with an appropriate healthcare specialist, made a decision as to what to do - and then moved forward. In short, I had to stop whining, do something positive about the situation and get on with my life.
"Getting on with it" meant that I was to face each new condition squarely and to hold fast to my heart and soul desire to continue enjoying the best quality of life possible as long as I still breathed. That realization helped me to accept what is, the key - as Eckhart Tolle says - to positively moving beyond whatever undesirable situation comes up in life. I was then more able to be grateful for the gift of life, which enhances my self-esteem. In other words, by choosing not to die until I was dead, I reclaimed my power and went from being a victim to being a victor.
By turning within, fully embracing the process and asking for guidance - and acting on it - I recognized that challenges of any and all types and sizes are to push us to grow through them, increase our conscious awareness and strengthen our spiritual muscles.
I also learned that God's plan isn't for us to accept discomfort, disorder and pain in our bodies and lives as the price exacted for the gift of life. The plan is for us to consciously increase our positive sense of self so we can overcome the fear of going within and uniting with the unconditional love, infinite wisdom and guidance that is our birthright. As we do that, we can cope with, and rise above any adverse condition or situation that comes into our lives.
"Challenges are what make life interesting
and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
~Joshua J. Marine
_______________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart" (2013), "Tea with Elisabeth," (recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction), "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World" (Nov. 2008), and "The Heart Knows the Way--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within" (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
When You Think You've Reached Your Waterloo ... Think Again
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
When my beloved husband began his decade-long final jourrney, it became my mission to help him experience a more conscious, loving and spiritual death. After years of trying by myself to guide us through this soul-wrenching time, I felt emotionally drained and physically exhausted.
I had no idea I was also on the brink of a personal transformation that would change my life forever--and lead to the unveiling in this column.
For months, I had beaten myself up because I felt guilty that I couldn't achieve my goal for my husband through sheer will power. Finally, in desperation I called my friend and mentor, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the world expert on death and dying. After hearing me out, she told me, "Follow your heart, Fern, your heart knows the way."
That simple but profound advice gave me renewed strength and set me on an unquenchable quest to have a personal relationship with God - My Higher Wisdom Self - or know the reason why not. The ensuing guidance and support I received allowed me to help ease my husband's transition in a way we both desired. But there was more to come.
As a new widow, I had thought the personal relationship I developed with God during those difficult years would end when the need to help my husband no longer existed. I had done it all for him. But shortly after his demise, something unexpected happened during my daily journaling.
I received God's call to become a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart.
At first I didn't even know what that meant, and I certainly didn't think I was worthy of such an invitation. I actually suggested someone else I thought would be a better choice. Fortunately my Higher Wisdom Self knew the real essence of me, and that this connection is the true heart and soul desire of every human being.
Believe me, as a senior citizen it was beyond my dearest dreams and desires to be faced with such a choice. However, despite some initial concerns and misgivings, there was no way I was going to turn down this incredible spiritual adventure.
That was almost eleven years ago, and I'm grateful I was able to heal and grow through unresolved issues to the point that I could take another really big step ... completing and releasing this book that chronicles every stage of my heartfelt journey.
The name of the book is "Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart." And because the world needs many Spiritual Warriors of the Heart right now, I purposely and honestly wrote about my weaknesses and failures as well as my successes. I learned that at the exact moment our ego tempts us to become disheartened and quit, that is where mastery over our negative self-talk begins. Victory awaits those who choose self-mastery.
This book is the "trail" I willingly share in the hope of helping others choose this path for their life's purpose. Travel well, my friends.
"Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart," is available on Amazon.com, on other online sites, at bookstores such as Barnes & Noble, and will soon be available on Kindle.
I never give up and I never give in. I will keep trying everything until I move forward. The path of mastery starts when I want to give up.
_________________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart;" "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the way--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
"I Want, I Want" ... How to Stop Wanting and Begin Receiving Your Heart Desires
"Start by doing what is necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." ~St. Francis of Assisi
Recently I felt a strong urge to check out my current list of spiritual desires with my inner guidance. Over time I had pared down a long list of ego-based needs and desires to what I thought was a short list of true heart and soul desires. But there was always room for improvement.
Many of us know that when we seek to manifest more good into our lives, such as health, love and financial security, they don't just get zapped on us. They have to happen THROUGH us--and that requires commitment, focus and consistency. So it's a good idea to be able to differentiate between our true heart and soul desires - which are always for our highest and best good - and the ego-based wants and needs that will never bring us the happiness, peace and satisfaction we desire.
My daily ritual included listing my spiritual desires in my journal and then reading them aloud to be sure they still resonated within me as truth. On this particular day, I did that and then asked my inner guidance: Does this list represent my true heart and soul desires?
I claim:
- Being more conscious and aware of my personal relationship with God.
- Maintaining balance of Body, Mind and Spirit so that I can continue to experience life on Earth and fulfill my life's purpose and heart and soul desires.
- Honing my gifts and abilities so that I can maximize service to God-Life-Truth.
- Living holy relationships with family, friends and everyone with whom I come in contact.
As I continued reflecting on holy relationships, I realized I simply wanted my relationships to be mutually loving and beneficial, and less problematic. I also knew from past experience that before this session ended I would know the difference between what I had and what I wanted - but obviously not just yet.
For just then, to make sure I stayed on track, my inner guidance sent up a dream from the previous night. A man was visiting my home, and when someone asked him to have a seat in the family room, he suddenly blurted out, "You have a family room?!"
As I let the man's sarcasm sink in, I realized the dream was bringing to my attention that I had a designated "family room, without the loving family relationships I so strongly wanted. This also brought up old childhood memories of me trying to be perfect in order to receive the care, love and guidance I wanted from my birth family. And along with that memory came the thought of my first marriage, which ended in divorce and a broken family, that is still somewhat fractured.
When I returned to journaling, my inner guidance asked: If you had to give up one of your spiritual goals, which one would it be? I automatically started crossing holy relationships off my list.
I was just about to ask why this was necessary when once again, right on cue, another memory popped up to keep me on course. I recalled that when my spiritual adventure began a decade ago, I was asked to love and release my offspring and their families to God. I asked my inner guidance at the time if having a personal relationship with God meant having to give up our loved ones. I was greatly relieved to learn that giving up anyone wasn't necessary, but maintaining balance was.
I quickly recognized that I was still way out of balance in caring and worrying about my adult offspring and their adult families, as well as others in my circle of loved ones. I often offered assistance before they even asked, and also failed to ask myself whether I was doing something they could or should be doing for themselves, and if my "helping" denied them that opportunity.
I knew then this meant more work on loving and releasing my adult offspring and others to their own destinies. In doing so, I would also be freed to spend more time fulfilling my own life purpose and heart and soul desires. I call this "staying in my own car and in my own lane."
It was also time to let go of the false childhood belief that the love I desired could only come from outside me. I had known intellectually for a long time that the true source of unconditional love, infinite wisdom and guidance lay in the divine sanctuary within us. Yet I couldn't live that truth until I released childhood directives that blocked me from full acceptance.
I humbly returned to journaling and my inner guidance responded by asking if I was willing to change my focus from wanting what I thought of as holy relationships to helping heal humanity. I said yes because I trusted the process, and also (thanks to another nudge from my inner guidance) I remembered that part of my original commitment to God a decade ago was to help heal the world, starting with me.
At this point, I was still uncertain about the difference between a loving relationship and a holy relationship. I wrote out the question in my journal and received this answer from my inner guidance. "A loving relationship between human beings is one of honoring and respecting each others differences and destinies and offering support, as well as the freedom and space to grow. A holy relationship is between an individual and God. Those seeking to retrieve their oneness with God-Life-Truth, which is their birthright, also deeply desire to master the spiritual evolutionary process."
After I faced the fact that I had a lot more work to do to fully realize the level of loving relatioships described above, I let the holy relationship issue go and breathed a sigh of relief.
I also realized I had been focusing on what I didn't have in my life, and hugging that lack to me with strong emotional energy. This was a surprise, as I'd known for a long time that when we want something, that automatically places it in the future and therefore it's always out of reach. When we can change the wanting and bring it into the present by stating either "I have or I claim _______" , a more desired outcome is possible.
Another gift in releasing my focus on mourning what I didn't have in my life was recognizing and being grateful for what progress I have made. The more I love myself, the easier it is to reveal my authentic self. And thanks to the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) I draw to me others who are capable of co-creating healthier relationships. Now I know the more I uncover my true heart and soul desires, and release ego-based wants and needs, the better my life becomes.
Today I claim my heart and soul desires.
I claim the best in life and release the rest.
I am grateful for the good that's come to me ...
and the good that's yet to be.
_________________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Live the Miracle of Finding and Being the Real You
When I first began writing essays for the Internet in 2007, I had no idea that my passion and commitment would become focused on chronicling the insights I gained from daily life challenges in order to help others on their own life paths. Along the way, I came to realize that we're all on a sacred journey to discover how life on Earth is really meant to work, and how to love ourselves and others enough to accept all the Good the world has to offer.
For me, that last part meant several decades of plumbing the depths of my subconscious to uncover the false self-images I concocted as a child to protect myself in what I felt was a lonely, overwhelming and unsafe environment. And I was very good at it. Unfortunately, I think I also had help from some unknowing adults who added their own unwise directives into my innocent and wide-open mind.
Whatever the source of the negative information that was downloaded into my subconscious, I'm finally learning how to recognize and release these defensive and fake barriers so that I can fully live as the Real Me I was born to be.
I'm now able to respond fairly quickly when another layer of a false self-image is seeking my attention. When a life issue pops up that pushes my confidence buttons, I feel the familiar emotion and frustration that tells me here we are again, and it isn't to be ignored.
For example, I was recently introduced to the work of a young man who is on a similar spiritual path, is a highly successful author-writer-speaker, and about five decades younger than I am. I was delighted by his gifts, commitment and obvious success, and saluted him with an honest clarity that resonated with every fiber of my being.
When I thought about his wonderfulness the next morning, however, I was shocked and surprised to find that I had slipped back into an old habit of judging and comparing myself to others, and coming up with the short end of the stick. It seemed he was so much better than I am, at everything. This felt like a mini-emotional earthquake and once again I was a defenseless child, filled with self-doubt, sadness and shame.
I immediately took out my journal and asked for the truth in this situation, and waited. The answer indicated that once I could identify the cause and effect of this specific false self-image, I would realize it was no longer appropriate and consciously do what I was led to do to release it.
I was led to sit quietly, say a prayer and go within. I started the process with a mental and emotional walkabout through my childhood. I saw in my mind's eye that even though I was born into a large family, I felt alone, defenseless and helpless. It was an added benefit to be experiencing this as the highly-sensitive adult I am now. This made it easy to understand why as a highly-sensitive child I felt such a desperate need to protect myself. Also, since discipline in my early life was often delivered with anger, I decided that in order to be accepted loved and secure, I would have to be not just super good but perfect. Bingo--my first major false self-image.
This insight really hit home because for the major part of my life I had struggled to be "perfect" in the opinion of others in hopes of receiving good in return. Of course I knew that being without fault isn't possible, but I honestly thought that aspiring to such a state wouldn't hurt anyone and was in some way admirable.
I made a major breakthrough when I learned the undesirable side effects that idealized self-images have on our relatioship with ourselves, others and life in general. When we are not our true selves, we don't really know us, and neither does anyone else. This fakery blocks us from fully loving and accepting ourselves, loving others and accepting good into ur lives. How could it be otherwise, when we don't allow our real selves to be known?
What also amazed me was that the defensive barriers and false self-images I set up as a child continued on automatic. While as an adult, I became better able to cope with the realities of life, my ego continued these false self-images as the blueprint for my reaction whenever certain buttons were pushed.
Even though I had gradually lost sight of my original decision to be perfect, I still sensed at a deep level that I wasn't good enough and I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever. This lifelong under-the-radar fear of being "out-ed" as a fraud instead of a paragon of humanity had ruled my existence. Because I couldn't take the risk of failure, of being found out, this false image determined the experiences and the level of success I would allow myself in every area of my life.
And this, my dear friends, is how these idealized and false self-images can and do affect our self-confidence, our relationship with ourselves, others and the amount of good we allow into our lives.
I pray that by sharing this insight from my life, others may resonate with a need to heal and release their own false self-images, and uncover their true identity. And if they do take on this life lesson, they will learn that the process includes forgiving themselves and any other individuals whose negative actions and words were embedded into their innocent minds.
For this, I use the forgiveness technique I learned from my friend and spiritual teacher, Irene Hunter, author of "The Miracle of Being the Real You." I freely and wholly forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me to me, or to anyone else - past or present. I freely and wholly forgive anyone else for any real or imagined wrong done to me - past or present. I am free. They are free.
I also repeat a daily directed prayer to assist me in continuing to face, feel, heal and release any other idealized false self-images I still hold of myself: I am authentic and real at the core of my being. I radiate joy, love, peace and truth, and am open to receiving all the Good the world offers.
In freeing ourselves from false self-images, we become real and open to all of life's positive possibilities, and can live as our authentic selves. Whether we're consciously on a spiritual path or just trying to make it through our lives with as much good as we can allow, being able to love and accept ourselves as we truly are is the golden key to the most important door we will ever walk through.
_______________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way --How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within" are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
For me, that last part meant several decades of plumbing the depths of my subconscious to uncover the false self-images I concocted as a child to protect myself in what I felt was a lonely, overwhelming and unsafe environment. And I was very good at it. Unfortunately, I think I also had help from some unknowing adults who added their own unwise directives into my innocent and wide-open mind.
Whatever the source of the negative information that was downloaded into my subconscious, I'm finally learning how to recognize and release these defensive and fake barriers so that I can fully live as the Real Me I was born to be.
I'm now able to respond fairly quickly when another layer of a false self-image is seeking my attention. When a life issue pops up that pushes my confidence buttons, I feel the familiar emotion and frustration that tells me here we are again, and it isn't to be ignored.
For example, I was recently introduced to the work of a young man who is on a similar spiritual path, is a highly successful author-writer-speaker, and about five decades younger than I am. I was delighted by his gifts, commitment and obvious success, and saluted him with an honest clarity that resonated with every fiber of my being.
When I thought about his wonderfulness the next morning, however, I was shocked and surprised to find that I had slipped back into an old habit of judging and comparing myself to others, and coming up with the short end of the stick. It seemed he was so much better than I am, at everything. This felt like a mini-emotional earthquake and once again I was a defenseless child, filled with self-doubt, sadness and shame.
I immediately took out my journal and asked for the truth in this situation, and waited. The answer indicated that once I could identify the cause and effect of this specific false self-image, I would realize it was no longer appropriate and consciously do what I was led to do to release it.
I was led to sit quietly, say a prayer and go within. I started the process with a mental and emotional walkabout through my childhood. I saw in my mind's eye that even though I was born into a large family, I felt alone, defenseless and helpless. It was an added benefit to be experiencing this as the highly-sensitive adult I am now. This made it easy to understand why as a highly-sensitive child I felt such a desperate need to protect myself. Also, since discipline in my early life was often delivered with anger, I decided that in order to be accepted loved and secure, I would have to be not just super good but perfect. Bingo--my first major false self-image.
This insight really hit home because for the major part of my life I had struggled to be "perfect" in the opinion of others in hopes of receiving good in return. Of course I knew that being without fault isn't possible, but I honestly thought that aspiring to such a state wouldn't hurt anyone and was in some way admirable.
I made a major breakthrough when I learned the undesirable side effects that idealized self-images have on our relatioship with ourselves, others and life in general. When we are not our true selves, we don't really know us, and neither does anyone else. This fakery blocks us from fully loving and accepting ourselves, loving others and accepting good into ur lives. How could it be otherwise, when we don't allow our real selves to be known?
What also amazed me was that the defensive barriers and false self-images I set up as a child continued on automatic. While as an adult, I became better able to cope with the realities of life, my ego continued these false self-images as the blueprint for my reaction whenever certain buttons were pushed.
Even though I had gradually lost sight of my original decision to be perfect, I still sensed at a deep level that I wasn't good enough and I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever. This lifelong under-the-radar fear of being "out-ed" as a fraud instead of a paragon of humanity had ruled my existence. Because I couldn't take the risk of failure, of being found out, this false image determined the experiences and the level of success I would allow myself in every area of my life.
And this, my dear friends, is how these idealized and false self-images can and do affect our self-confidence, our relationship with ourselves, others and the amount of good we allow into our lives.
I pray that by sharing this insight from my life, others may resonate with a need to heal and release their own false self-images, and uncover their true identity. And if they do take on this life lesson, they will learn that the process includes forgiving themselves and any other individuals whose negative actions and words were embedded into their innocent minds.
For this, I use the forgiveness technique I learned from my friend and spiritual teacher, Irene Hunter, author of "The Miracle of Being the Real You." I freely and wholly forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me to me, or to anyone else - past or present. I freely and wholly forgive anyone else for any real or imagined wrong done to me - past or present. I am free. They are free.
I also repeat a daily directed prayer to assist me in continuing to face, feel, heal and release any other idealized false self-images I still hold of myself: I am authentic and real at the core of my being. I radiate joy, love, peace and truth, and am open to receiving all the Good the world offers.
In freeing ourselves from false self-images, we become real and open to all of life's positive possibilities, and can live as our authentic selves. Whether we're consciously on a spiritual path or just trying to make it through our lives with as much good as we can allow, being able to love and accept ourselves as we truly are is the golden key to the most important door we will ever walk through.
_______________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way --How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within" are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Aging ... and All That Comes With It ... Is a Laughing Matter
During this past year as I was learning to cope with shingles and post herpetic neuralgia, it occurred to me that the constant pain I experienced just might prove to be as the doctors warned--with me for the rest of my life. At first this possibility saddened me, and then it made me think of the millions of people who have dealt with pain all their lives. I wondered if any of them had also discovered some non-prescription techniques that can help us cope with not only chronic pain, but also with coming to peace with the inevitable aging process.
I finally recognized that whenever I was doing something I really loved to do, like writing an essay or a book -- or spending time with loved ones -- I was able to totally bypass pain for hours at a time. This was a gift, as it also reminded me that in accepting this illnesss and other aging signs, I was led to coping with them and being grateful for what I could still do, instead of bemoaning what I couldn't.
I asked Dr. Gladys McGarey, an internationally renowned holistic physician, who is in her ninth decade, about laughter being "good medicine." She smiled and shared the following facts: Twenty years ago Norman Cousins, a highly respected and longtime editor of The Saturday Review, was diagnosed with a serious systemic disease --ankylosing spondylitis. He believed that laughter could cure it, and proceeded to rent some Laurel & Hardy, and Marx Brothers videos to watch. His bestselling book, "Anatomy of an Illness," chronicles his success with his unusual "treatment."
Since then, she explained, scientific studies have confirmed that laughter boosts the immune system, and lessens pain by increasing the level of endorphins, the body's natural pain killer. It also supresses epinephrine, the stress-producing hormone, lowers blood pressure and has a beneficial effect on overall well-being. Doctors and scientists are also proving that an individual's belief in the modality they select to use has an affect on the desired result.
What a wonderful, confirming bit of news. I learned that it's possible to just start laughing out loud, in the privacy of my home, and to continue until I feel my energy shift to a higher vibration, which means a more positive outlook on life. I've also learned that whether it's me or a friend who is coping with pain and/or aging symptoms, when I call them up and focus on lighthearted conversation, we both feel better. Also the laughter that ensues from a funny movie, or video, or TV program can work wonders for our intention to stay on the sunny side of life.
Personally I have always considered laughter one of my favorite life gifts. I can burst out laughing at the drop of a feather.
For example, recently I was getting ready for bed and had just removed my glasses, so I'm now dependent on my "old" eyes. Suddenly something landed on my forearm. I couldn't see if it was a centipede, a moth or a small scorpion -- the poisonous type. As I moved my hand to brush away the intruder, it swooped gracefully down to the carpet. I quickly grabbed a hard-cover book and pinned the culprit to the floor. For good measure I jumped, well, stomped on the book several times. I decided I'd had enough excitement for one day and would wait until morning to view the "body."
When I awakened I went to the bathroom for a "burial tissue," put on my glasses, and gingerly removed the book to reveal my prey. There on my beige short-pile rug lay not a fanged, horned stinging creature ready to take a bite out of me, but instead a small feather, probably an escapee from one of my pillows. I smiled to think of all the adrenalin and drama I had conjured up in my mind. I picked up the feather with the tissue and deposited it in the great-white eddy, toilet, and flushed it away. The ridiculousness of the situation settled in and up bubbled laughter that was so full I had to hold onto the nightstand.
My body was energized by the laughter, and my heart and mind were now prepared for more of the same. What a wonderful way to begin a day. Now I know that not only can laughter overcome pain for hours at a time, it can also serve as an open door to understanding that aging is no less a sacred gift than being born.
Several months ago I began experimenting by sharing my aging symptoms ("badges of courage") with friends and family. After I told my "feather" story and tossed in such realities as receding gums, cataracts and low energy, they smiled as if to say, "I can top that," and proceeded to do so. The complaints included the usual, from grey hair to losing hair, hearing, and vision, together with all the challenges related to assimilation, circulation, digestion and elimination, and finally skeletal problems.
The interesting thing is that the conversations always included laughter. I firmly believe the dynamic that results from such openness creates a bond that accepts aging as "what is," laughts about it, and puts a lighter spin on it. In that moment our shared heritage and destiny unites us and suddenly -- in this terribly disconnected world we're feeling warm and fuzzy, and connected.
I figure since aging is mandatory, and pain seems to be high on the list of maladies, why not use them as gifts to learn from, and to celebrate our conscious awareness by putting more fun in our lives. This could lead to a lighthearted wiggle in our walk or a secret sparkle in our eyes, which would brighten our day and give younger people hope for the future.
To tickle your funny bone and strike your fancy, here are a few of my favorite, funny, inspiring and lighthearted quotes on aging:
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. ~George Burns
The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven't changed in 70 or 80 years. Your body changes, but you don't change at all. ~Doris Lessing
To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful and reverent -- that is a triumph over old age. ~Thomas Bailey Aldrich
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Once you are over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles M. Schulz
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. ~George Bernard Shaw
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work it's way through Congress. ~Will Rogers
______________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World, and "The Heart Knows the Way --How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
I finally recognized that whenever I was doing something I really loved to do, like writing an essay or a book -- or spending time with loved ones -- I was able to totally bypass pain for hours at a time. This was a gift, as it also reminded me that in accepting this illnesss and other aging signs, I was led to coping with them and being grateful for what I could still do, instead of bemoaning what I couldn't.
I asked Dr. Gladys McGarey, an internationally renowned holistic physician, who is in her ninth decade, about laughter being "good medicine." She smiled and shared the following facts: Twenty years ago Norman Cousins, a highly respected and longtime editor of The Saturday Review, was diagnosed with a serious systemic disease --ankylosing spondylitis. He believed that laughter could cure it, and proceeded to rent some Laurel & Hardy, and Marx Brothers videos to watch. His bestselling book, "Anatomy of an Illness," chronicles his success with his unusual "treatment."
Since then, she explained, scientific studies have confirmed that laughter boosts the immune system, and lessens pain by increasing the level of endorphins, the body's natural pain killer. It also supresses epinephrine, the stress-producing hormone, lowers blood pressure and has a beneficial effect on overall well-being. Doctors and scientists are also proving that an individual's belief in the modality they select to use has an affect on the desired result.
What a wonderful, confirming bit of news. I learned that it's possible to just start laughing out loud, in the privacy of my home, and to continue until I feel my energy shift to a higher vibration, which means a more positive outlook on life. I've also learned that whether it's me or a friend who is coping with pain and/or aging symptoms, when I call them up and focus on lighthearted conversation, we both feel better. Also the laughter that ensues from a funny movie, or video, or TV program can work wonders for our intention to stay on the sunny side of life.
Personally I have always considered laughter one of my favorite life gifts. I can burst out laughing at the drop of a feather.
For example, recently I was getting ready for bed and had just removed my glasses, so I'm now dependent on my "old" eyes. Suddenly something landed on my forearm. I couldn't see if it was a centipede, a moth or a small scorpion -- the poisonous type. As I moved my hand to brush away the intruder, it swooped gracefully down to the carpet. I quickly grabbed a hard-cover book and pinned the culprit to the floor. For good measure I jumped, well, stomped on the book several times. I decided I'd had enough excitement for one day and would wait until morning to view the "body."
When I awakened I went to the bathroom for a "burial tissue," put on my glasses, and gingerly removed the book to reveal my prey. There on my beige short-pile rug lay not a fanged, horned stinging creature ready to take a bite out of me, but instead a small feather, probably an escapee from one of my pillows. I smiled to think of all the adrenalin and drama I had conjured up in my mind. I picked up the feather with the tissue and deposited it in the great-white eddy, toilet, and flushed it away. The ridiculousness of the situation settled in and up bubbled laughter that was so full I had to hold onto the nightstand.
My body was energized by the laughter, and my heart and mind were now prepared for more of the same. What a wonderful way to begin a day. Now I know that not only can laughter overcome pain for hours at a time, it can also serve as an open door to understanding that aging is no less a sacred gift than being born.
Several months ago I began experimenting by sharing my aging symptoms ("badges of courage") with friends and family. After I told my "feather" story and tossed in such realities as receding gums, cataracts and low energy, they smiled as if to say, "I can top that," and proceeded to do so. The complaints included the usual, from grey hair to losing hair, hearing, and vision, together with all the challenges related to assimilation, circulation, digestion and elimination, and finally skeletal problems.
The interesting thing is that the conversations always included laughter. I firmly believe the dynamic that results from such openness creates a bond that accepts aging as "what is," laughts about it, and puts a lighter spin on it. In that moment our shared heritage and destiny unites us and suddenly -- in this terribly disconnected world we're feeling warm and fuzzy, and connected.
I figure since aging is mandatory, and pain seems to be high on the list of maladies, why not use them as gifts to learn from, and to celebrate our conscious awareness by putting more fun in our lives. This could lead to a lighthearted wiggle in our walk or a secret sparkle in our eyes, which would brighten our day and give younger people hope for the future.
To tickle your funny bone and strike your fancy, here are a few of my favorite, funny, inspiring and lighthearted quotes on aging:
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. ~George Burns
The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven't changed in 70 or 80 years. Your body changes, but you don't change at all. ~Doris Lessing
To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful and reverent -- that is a triumph over old age. ~Thomas Bailey Aldrich
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Once you are over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles M. Schulz
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. ~George Bernard Shaw
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work it's way through Congress. ~Will Rogers
______________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World, and "The Heart Knows the Way --How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Creating a Better World that Works for All of Us Begins With You and Me
Throughout our daily lives, we may experience losses and disappointments of every shape, size and variety. We could become jobless, homeless, change jobs, move, divorce, become ill or lose our dream, self esteem or independence, and the list goes on.
It is no wonder that in addition to all the serious national and global uncertainties we have been living through that many of us also share unresolved feelings of anger, concern and helplessness. Our collective consciousness must be like a tightly-wound coil of fight-or-flight adrenalin, with a heaping helping of depression, and this is definitely a potentially destructive situation that needs to be resolved now.
This unhealthy condition is the biggest block to creating a world that values every human being, and reflects the fact that we are one with everyone and everything on Earth.
Many of us are so stuck in our own daily traumas and trying to keep our heads above water that we fail to see the Big Picture - that we're living precariously in the space between the breakdown of many systems, including economics, environment, health, and governments - and breakthroughs that hold the potential of an emerging new world the likes of which human beings have never known.
In order to see beyond our own self-produced dramas, comedies, mysteries or sad sagas, and recognize a more proactive and rational path for the future, we need to learn how to cope more efficiently with our own challenges and concerns. Only then will we be able to look up and be part of co-creating a world that works for all of us.
So far, as a group, we've just hunkered down, swallowed our fears, gritted our teeth and proceeded on our way, which is like trying to cap a volcano. It doesn't work. We need to seek more healthful ways to release the pressures and stresses of life, like praying and asking for guidance, meditating, venting our concerns to a trusted friend, mate or counselor, increasing our physical activity, taking long walks, sitting in a private space (even our car, preferably away from onlookers and out of hearing distance) and allowing the suppressed energy to rise up and be released from our bodies.
This positive approach will help bring us back to a state of balance, which allows us to think more clearly and to cope rationally and healthfully with our personal challenges, as well as those facing our nation and the world.
When we can do that, we can use the powerful human emotions (energy) invoked in us by senseless acts of violence and other undesirable events to strengthen our resolve to help co-create better lives and ultimately a better planet.
If anyone doubts the dire need for a full awakening to the negativity that permeates our world, all they have to do is ask themselves a two-part question: How disrespectful, greedy, dishonest, selfish, sick, thoughtless and violent does our society have to get and how much closer to the abyss does the American Dream have to slide before we wake up?
We must do what we can to consciously improve our lives and behavior, and where appropriate join with and expand the energy of other like-minded individuals and groups. Love can work miracles, and together we can bring love to this situation and neutralize the rampant acting out of depression, greed, hatred and selfishness.
And this has nothing to do with politics. Nothing! It has to do with right and wrong and morality and common sense and the common good. The solution is up to us as individuals, as any desired transformation has to happen consciously through us. The choice is ours.
As we develope the awareness and find the inner strength to begin facing and coping with our everyday challenges, we will strengthen our trust and faith in life, and this allows us to become the conscious and aware human beings we were born to be.
We will then be able to truly grasp and understand what past enlightened souls like Jesus, Buddha, Confucius and many other great spiritual sages and minds have repeated throughout the ages - It is done unto us as we believe. As we think, so we are. We become what we think.
The truth is, if we want to change our lives and the world, we need to change our thoughts from doom and gloom to an expectancy of Good. We need to stop judging and blaming the government, our parents, others and ourselves, and to practice forgiveness and loving kindness for ourselves, our leaders and all others.
And as we work together to create a kinder, more humane and caring world, the undesirable and senseless acts of violence that consume our thoughts and sear our souls - will cease to be.
While many of us have always known intellectually that change and evolution are constant, what we're beginning to realize and feel is that we've evolved enough as human beings to be conscious and aware that an incredible evolutionary process is in progress right now.
The Good News is that we each have an extraordinary opportunity to stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution. It is time for us to evolve along with the world, and to radiate love, faith and trust toward all life. This will help create a more sustainable, peaceful and caring world - one that works for all of us.
_________________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way - How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstores such as Barnes & Noble.
It is no wonder that in addition to all the serious national and global uncertainties we have been living through that many of us also share unresolved feelings of anger, concern and helplessness. Our collective consciousness must be like a tightly-wound coil of fight-or-flight adrenalin, with a heaping helping of depression, and this is definitely a potentially destructive situation that needs to be resolved now.
This unhealthy condition is the biggest block to creating a world that values every human being, and reflects the fact that we are one with everyone and everything on Earth.
Many of us are so stuck in our own daily traumas and trying to keep our heads above water that we fail to see the Big Picture - that we're living precariously in the space between the breakdown of many systems, including economics, environment, health, and governments - and breakthroughs that hold the potential of an emerging new world the likes of which human beings have never known.
In order to see beyond our own self-produced dramas, comedies, mysteries or sad sagas, and recognize a more proactive and rational path for the future, we need to learn how to cope more efficiently with our own challenges and concerns. Only then will we be able to look up and be part of co-creating a world that works for all of us.
So far, as a group, we've just hunkered down, swallowed our fears, gritted our teeth and proceeded on our way, which is like trying to cap a volcano. It doesn't work. We need to seek more healthful ways to release the pressures and stresses of life, like praying and asking for guidance, meditating, venting our concerns to a trusted friend, mate or counselor, increasing our physical activity, taking long walks, sitting in a private space (even our car, preferably away from onlookers and out of hearing distance) and allowing the suppressed energy to rise up and be released from our bodies.
This positive approach will help bring us back to a state of balance, which allows us to think more clearly and to cope rationally and healthfully with our personal challenges, as well as those facing our nation and the world.
When we can do that, we can use the powerful human emotions (energy) invoked in us by senseless acts of violence and other undesirable events to strengthen our resolve to help co-create better lives and ultimately a better planet.
If anyone doubts the dire need for a full awakening to the negativity that permeates our world, all they have to do is ask themselves a two-part question: How disrespectful, greedy, dishonest, selfish, sick, thoughtless and violent does our society have to get and how much closer to the abyss does the American Dream have to slide before we wake up?
We must do what we can to consciously improve our lives and behavior, and where appropriate join with and expand the energy of other like-minded individuals and groups. Love can work miracles, and together we can bring love to this situation and neutralize the rampant acting out of depression, greed, hatred and selfishness.
And this has nothing to do with politics. Nothing! It has to do with right and wrong and morality and common sense and the common good. The solution is up to us as individuals, as any desired transformation has to happen consciously through us. The choice is ours.
As we develope the awareness and find the inner strength to begin facing and coping with our everyday challenges, we will strengthen our trust and faith in life, and this allows us to become the conscious and aware human beings we were born to be.
We will then be able to truly grasp and understand what past enlightened souls like Jesus, Buddha, Confucius and many other great spiritual sages and minds have repeated throughout the ages - It is done unto us as we believe. As we think, so we are. We become what we think.
The truth is, if we want to change our lives and the world, we need to change our thoughts from doom and gloom to an expectancy of Good. We need to stop judging and blaming the government, our parents, others and ourselves, and to practice forgiveness and loving kindness for ourselves, our leaders and all others.
And as we work together to create a kinder, more humane and caring world, the undesirable and senseless acts of violence that consume our thoughts and sear our souls - will cease to be.
While many of us have always known intellectually that change and evolution are constant, what we're beginning to realize and feel is that we've evolved enough as human beings to be conscious and aware that an incredible evolutionary process is in progress right now.
The Good News is that we each have an extraordinary opportunity to stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution. It is time for us to evolve along with the world, and to radiate love, faith and trust toward all life. This will help create a more sustainable, peaceful and caring world - one that works for all of us.
_________________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way - How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstores such as Barnes & Noble.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Gift That Only We Can Give Ourselves ... Is What the World Has Always Wanted
After our recent contentious presidential election and then the resignation of General David Petraeus, a respected military leader, due to an extra-marital affair, I started a self-imposed news-fast and retreated into my sanctuary within. I asked for insights to help myself and others cope with a nation and a world that seem to be in a decline in all the basic areas: economics, education, environment, healthcare and human relations, including such daily necessities/building blocks as respect and civility.
As I contemplated what visionaries and futurists like Barbara Marx Hubbard have termed "a planetary transformational shift," I began to share their positive outlook for great opportunities in this tumultuous but historic time. The gift in it for humanity, I hoped, would be that instead of resisting this powerful shift we would embrace it, helping to stem the tide of greed and selfishness in our nation and co-creating a world that works for everyone. And this would need to be a very personal involvement.
Like many others, I'm aware enough to know that there's no valid reason to blame all our ills on political parties, the government or our leaders. The truth is we're the problem - individually and as a group - because the state of our personal lives, our government and our nation are a mirror image of our thoughts, actions, values and collective consciousness.
We are being called now to seek a higher potential as human beings, which include becoming less judgmental, more benevolent, more caring, more conscious and more aware of others and the world around us.
Even though we are facing breakdowns in many systems, in the gap between the "breakdowns and breakthroughs" there is already emerging a vision of a world that with our help could realize our dearest dreams and desires for better lives and a better world.
Although the shift is already underway and inevitable, I sense that whether the results will be what we desire depends more on us as individuals than we could ever imagine. Potentially, it could be the first time in history that a large number of human being are conscious enough to take part in a natural evolutionary process by design instead of by default.
It is obvious that if we're here on Earth during this time of transformational change, we're meant to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I believe this is the "gift" that only we can give. I also realize that if I am sensing this truth within me, others are also--and our concern and confusion comes from not knowing what to do about it.
The challenge seems to be that when we become overwhelmed by national and global unrest, our victim-mode kicks in, and we feel helpless, hopeless and alone. The good news, however, is that millions of individuals, spiritual masters, sages, mystics, writers and visionaries around the world are spreading positive messages filled with incredible opportunities for humanity in this evolutionary process. I believe it's time to join them.
Just as Arun Gandhi, the grandson of Mahatma Gandhi has observed about people seeking peace: "They want peace but don't know how to go about getting it," and the hope is "that when shown the right way they will ultimately change their ways and make a difference."
His comments resonated within me as they also apply to the situation at hand. And, while I was still seeking a solution, I already sensed that the changes necessary to help us birth this brave new world are not going to be zapped on us, they will have to happen through us.
This means we need to consciously choose to align with the process and make the internal changes in ourselves that will make the results we desire possible. It also helps to be reminded that the power to do this is inherent in our ability to change our thoughts and change our lives.
I began to grasp the insight I sought while reading an article by the late Ernest Holmes, founder of the Science of Mind spiritual philosophy, and an acknowledged religious scholar. His words reminded me that throughout the ages we've had the help of enlightened souls during times of crisis.
Holmes noted the ethics of Buddha, the morals of Confucius, and the Beatitudes of Jesus, as well as the valuable and ongoing supportive spiritual experiences expressed by other great minds, masters and mystics past and present.
The examples he recounted remind me that we live in a perfect universe and that perfection is confirmed in the ongoing transformational opportunities presented to us as an eternal push for humanity to evolve. We are meant to be better, kinder, wiser and more authentic, humane and enlightened human beings. And now we have another chance to consciously seize this opportunity.
After refreshing my memory regarding the contributions of these enlightened souls, I realized two things: First I was stunned by the fact that although these incredible individuals of the past may have been centuries apart in time, there was a striking similarity in the Universal Truths they shared with humanity.
And second, my research resulted in the list below, which offers proven pathways that will open us to achieving higher levels of conscious awareness - our gift - that heralds only good for us and the world.
We do this by choosing one of the affirmations based on Universal Truths that "speaks" to us, making it our life purpose and committing to living it to the best of our ability for the rest of our lives.
It truly is the gift that only we can give to ourselves ... and is what the world has been waiting for!
Here are affirmations based on Universal Truths to help us on our way:
I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. ~Jesus - Live the Golden Rule
As I change my thoughts, I change my life. Only good goes from me and only good comes to me. ~Buddha - What We Think We Become
I am benevolent, humane and loving. ~Confucius - Live a Moral Life
I am the change I seek in the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi - Live the Change We Seek
I am loving kindness, and I know the power of love and forgiveness. ~Dalai Lama - Live Loving Kindness
Everyone is Just Like Me and I wish them well. ~Thich Nhat Hanh - Just Like Me
_________________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as in bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
As I contemplated what visionaries and futurists like Barbara Marx Hubbard have termed "a planetary transformational shift," I began to share their positive outlook for great opportunities in this tumultuous but historic time. The gift in it for humanity, I hoped, would be that instead of resisting this powerful shift we would embrace it, helping to stem the tide of greed and selfishness in our nation and co-creating a world that works for everyone. And this would need to be a very personal involvement.
Like many others, I'm aware enough to know that there's no valid reason to blame all our ills on political parties, the government or our leaders. The truth is we're the problem - individually and as a group - because the state of our personal lives, our government and our nation are a mirror image of our thoughts, actions, values and collective consciousness.
We are being called now to seek a higher potential as human beings, which include becoming less judgmental, more benevolent, more caring, more conscious and more aware of others and the world around us.
Even though we are facing breakdowns in many systems, in the gap between the "breakdowns and breakthroughs" there is already emerging a vision of a world that with our help could realize our dearest dreams and desires for better lives and a better world.
Although the shift is already underway and inevitable, I sense that whether the results will be what we desire depends more on us as individuals than we could ever imagine. Potentially, it could be the first time in history that a large number of human being are conscious enough to take part in a natural evolutionary process by design instead of by default.
It is obvious that if we're here on Earth during this time of transformational change, we're meant to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I believe this is the "gift" that only we can give. I also realize that if I am sensing this truth within me, others are also--and our concern and confusion comes from not knowing what to do about it.
The challenge seems to be that when we become overwhelmed by national and global unrest, our victim-mode kicks in, and we feel helpless, hopeless and alone. The good news, however, is that millions of individuals, spiritual masters, sages, mystics, writers and visionaries around the world are spreading positive messages filled with incredible opportunities for humanity in this evolutionary process. I believe it's time to join them.
Just as Arun Gandhi, the grandson of Mahatma Gandhi has observed about people seeking peace: "They want peace but don't know how to go about getting it," and the hope is "that when shown the right way they will ultimately change their ways and make a difference."
His comments resonated within me as they also apply to the situation at hand. And, while I was still seeking a solution, I already sensed that the changes necessary to help us birth this brave new world are not going to be zapped on us, they will have to happen through us.
This means we need to consciously choose to align with the process and make the internal changes in ourselves that will make the results we desire possible. It also helps to be reminded that the power to do this is inherent in our ability to change our thoughts and change our lives.
I began to grasp the insight I sought while reading an article by the late Ernest Holmes, founder of the Science of Mind spiritual philosophy, and an acknowledged religious scholar. His words reminded me that throughout the ages we've had the help of enlightened souls during times of crisis.
Holmes noted the ethics of Buddha, the morals of Confucius, and the Beatitudes of Jesus, as well as the valuable and ongoing supportive spiritual experiences expressed by other great minds, masters and mystics past and present.
The examples he recounted remind me that we live in a perfect universe and that perfection is confirmed in the ongoing transformational opportunities presented to us as an eternal push for humanity to evolve. We are meant to be better, kinder, wiser and more authentic, humane and enlightened human beings. And now we have another chance to consciously seize this opportunity.
After refreshing my memory regarding the contributions of these enlightened souls, I realized two things: First I was stunned by the fact that although these incredible individuals of the past may have been centuries apart in time, there was a striking similarity in the Universal Truths they shared with humanity.
And second, my research resulted in the list below, which offers proven pathways that will open us to achieving higher levels of conscious awareness - our gift - that heralds only good for us and the world.
We do this by choosing one of the affirmations based on Universal Truths that "speaks" to us, making it our life purpose and committing to living it to the best of our ability for the rest of our lives.
It truly is the gift that only we can give to ourselves ... and is what the world has been waiting for!
Here are affirmations based on Universal Truths to help us on our way:
I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. ~Jesus - Live the Golden Rule
As I change my thoughts, I change my life. Only good goes from me and only good comes to me. ~Buddha - What We Think We Become
I am benevolent, humane and loving. ~Confucius - Live a Moral Life
I am the change I seek in the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi - Live the Change We Seek
I am loving kindness, and I know the power of love and forgiveness. ~Dalai Lama - Live Loving Kindness
Everyone is Just Like Me and I wish them well. ~Thich Nhat Hanh - Just Like Me
_________________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as in bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
The School of Life Is In Session ... and Nobody Gets Summers Off!
Although there may have been more, I particularly recall only two episodes of serious doubt and despondency in my now lengthy life.
One happened decades ago and set me on a spiritual journey that continues today. The current one is heping me come to grips with my own mortality and to continue trusting in the process of life.
The first episode came a few years after the end of my first marriage. It seemed that in my fledgling attempt to trust a new love relationship and go on with life, I chose too quickly and unwisely. After only a month, I was unceremoniously dumped by a man who wasn't "comfortable dating someone with older kids."
I sat alone on the sofa in my little apartment and my mind was flooded with negative thoughts about lacking all the good things I wanted in life: I thought I would never have a healthy love relationship, or know how to help my children and myself through the trauma of divorce, or afford a home for me and my kids, and realize inner peace.
Disheartened and ready to give up, I closed my eyes and said to the universe, with what I thought at the time was a clear heart, mind and motive, "If it's someone else's turn to die and they have a better reason to live, take me, I'm ready."
Every few minutes I would open my eyes and check my feet and legs to see if my body was beginning to dissolve just like on Star Trek when Scotty "beamed them up." Seriously! After about 10 minutes, I checked again and realized this convenient escape wasn't going to happen for me. So, with what I would now call a shift in consciousness, I stood up and said firmly and loudly, "You poor little schnook, you're not getting out that easy. You will have to wade through the muck and mire and learn your lessons just like everyone else."
At that exact moment, something powerful rose up within me and I knew that I was through with allowing negative thinking and lack to define my life. I was ready to face the future with renewed energy, motivation and resolve.
Obviously I needed a new way of looking at how life is meant to work. I was soon led to Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life," as well as a spiritual philosophy, Science of Mind, which embraced a core concept that by changing your thoughts, you can change your life. I grasped this idea like a drowning man seeks air, and within a few years was begining to create the life that my heart and soul desired, with the incredible manifestation of real love, world travel, a writing career and discovering my life's purpose.
The gift in finding my life purpose was incredible enough in itself. Instead of just "going" through life I would now "grow" through it, and write about the insights I gained from the lessons I learned to help others. I was so grateful and happy to be alive, and I was experiencing a level of inner happiness, peace and contentment unknown to me before.
Fast forward to more recently, and my other memorable realization. A year ago I broke my foot, and then developed shingles, followed by the very painful post herpetic neuralgia (PHN). When the constant PHN symptoms reached the one-year mark, I realized the following facts: My body wasn't healing, there were obviously still more lessons to learn, and there were new signs of aging that brought me face to face with my own mortality.
As I began trying to come to peace with this universal life lesson, I realized that I had intellectually accepted the reality of death as a young girl, but never once thought of death having anything to do with me personally. No doubt this youthful realization set in motion my lifelong interest in helping others throught their death processes.
As a respite volunteer for Hospice, I sat with dying patients and was fascinated by their varying experiences. I also assisted my sister and brother, parents, brother-in-law and beloved husband in their final life journeys. Evidently as part of this life experience, I was also destined to meet the late Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the world renowned expert on death and dying. She became a close friend, as well as one of my mentors, and this essay is the essence of one of her primary teachings: There are no accidents or mistakes. Everything in life happens for a reason.
It took several sad and stressful weeks of wrestling with what I considered the downside of dying to emotionally coming to grips with the thought of leaving my loved ones, and possibly dying before I fulfilled my heart and soul desires. I finally realized that I Love Life and want to cherish it, be grateful and live every moment in joy and appreciation. I was tired of negative thinking, which is always counterproductive. I also realized that in the past when I allowed my mind to get in a knot over being unable to gain the desired insight into a lesson, what I really needed was a break.
So, I accepted an open invitation to visit my daughter and her family in the northern part of our state where the summer temperatures are in the 70s instead of triple digits. I came home renewed, revitalized and ready and willing to do what I normally do, and had avoided doing until now. I went within and asked for the truth of this current situation to be revealed to me.
The answer I received was that it's all about acceptance: Accepting that while the soul is eternal and immortal, the body is finite, and that we are born into life on Earth and reborn (die) into life in another form and dimension. Intellectually I've always accepted this way of unemotionally looking at birth and dying, and this was never a source of concern for me.
What I am learning now is that when challenges-problems pop up and seem to block our way, we have the option of realizing they are Our Way, and accepting the opportunity to deal with them realistically. For example, when the aging process knocked me for a loop, I finally settled into accepting what is - right here, right now. This also meant adjusting my views from what I used to be able to do -- and bemoaning that no more -- to what is more appropriate for me at this stage. When we can do that, we're back on the right path, and instead of feeling anxiety and fear we can experience gratitude, happiness and peace.
With my mind finally relaxed and receptive to new information, I also began to recall statements by scientists professing awe at how perfectly the universe works. Somehow I knew deep within that inherent in that perfection, both life and death are undoubtedly meant to be blessed gifts, as well as sacred transformational experiences.
I resonated with this truth. I choose to accept and expect that the plan is for us to view and use life and death as opportunities to fully express the rich potential in each experience. In this way, we learn to trust in the process of life and enter into a higher level of awareness, which benefits us and humanity. Life is an evolutionary process. Earth is our campus, challenges are our lessons--and school is always in session.
________________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-Fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
One happened decades ago and set me on a spiritual journey that continues today. The current one is heping me come to grips with my own mortality and to continue trusting in the process of life.
The first episode came a few years after the end of my first marriage. It seemed that in my fledgling attempt to trust a new love relationship and go on with life, I chose too quickly and unwisely. After only a month, I was unceremoniously dumped by a man who wasn't "comfortable dating someone with older kids."
I sat alone on the sofa in my little apartment and my mind was flooded with negative thoughts about lacking all the good things I wanted in life: I thought I would never have a healthy love relationship, or know how to help my children and myself through the trauma of divorce, or afford a home for me and my kids, and realize inner peace.
Disheartened and ready to give up, I closed my eyes and said to the universe, with what I thought at the time was a clear heart, mind and motive, "If it's someone else's turn to die and they have a better reason to live, take me, I'm ready."
Every few minutes I would open my eyes and check my feet and legs to see if my body was beginning to dissolve just like on Star Trek when Scotty "beamed them up." Seriously! After about 10 minutes, I checked again and realized this convenient escape wasn't going to happen for me. So, with what I would now call a shift in consciousness, I stood up and said firmly and loudly, "You poor little schnook, you're not getting out that easy. You will have to wade through the muck and mire and learn your lessons just like everyone else."
At that exact moment, something powerful rose up within me and I knew that I was through with allowing negative thinking and lack to define my life. I was ready to face the future with renewed energy, motivation and resolve.
Obviously I needed a new way of looking at how life is meant to work. I was soon led to Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life," as well as a spiritual philosophy, Science of Mind, which embraced a core concept that by changing your thoughts, you can change your life. I grasped this idea like a drowning man seeks air, and within a few years was begining to create the life that my heart and soul desired, with the incredible manifestation of real love, world travel, a writing career and discovering my life's purpose.
The gift in finding my life purpose was incredible enough in itself. Instead of just "going" through life I would now "grow" through it, and write about the insights I gained from the lessons I learned to help others. I was so grateful and happy to be alive, and I was experiencing a level of inner happiness, peace and contentment unknown to me before.
Fast forward to more recently, and my other memorable realization. A year ago I broke my foot, and then developed shingles, followed by the very painful post herpetic neuralgia (PHN). When the constant PHN symptoms reached the one-year mark, I realized the following facts: My body wasn't healing, there were obviously still more lessons to learn, and there were new signs of aging that brought me face to face with my own mortality.
As I began trying to come to peace with this universal life lesson, I realized that I had intellectually accepted the reality of death as a young girl, but never once thought of death having anything to do with me personally. No doubt this youthful realization set in motion my lifelong interest in helping others throught their death processes.
As a respite volunteer for Hospice, I sat with dying patients and was fascinated by their varying experiences. I also assisted my sister and brother, parents, brother-in-law and beloved husband in their final life journeys. Evidently as part of this life experience, I was also destined to meet the late Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the world renowned expert on death and dying. She became a close friend, as well as one of my mentors, and this essay is the essence of one of her primary teachings: There are no accidents or mistakes. Everything in life happens for a reason.
It took several sad and stressful weeks of wrestling with what I considered the downside of dying to emotionally coming to grips with the thought of leaving my loved ones, and possibly dying before I fulfilled my heart and soul desires. I finally realized that I Love Life and want to cherish it, be grateful and live every moment in joy and appreciation. I was tired of negative thinking, which is always counterproductive. I also realized that in the past when I allowed my mind to get in a knot over being unable to gain the desired insight into a lesson, what I really needed was a break.
So, I accepted an open invitation to visit my daughter and her family in the northern part of our state where the summer temperatures are in the 70s instead of triple digits. I came home renewed, revitalized and ready and willing to do what I normally do, and had avoided doing until now. I went within and asked for the truth of this current situation to be revealed to me.
The answer I received was that it's all about acceptance: Accepting that while the soul is eternal and immortal, the body is finite, and that we are born into life on Earth and reborn (die) into life in another form and dimension. Intellectually I've always accepted this way of unemotionally looking at birth and dying, and this was never a source of concern for me.
What I am learning now is that when challenges-problems pop up and seem to block our way, we have the option of realizing they are Our Way, and accepting the opportunity to deal with them realistically. For example, when the aging process knocked me for a loop, I finally settled into accepting what is - right here, right now. This also meant adjusting my views from what I used to be able to do -- and bemoaning that no more -- to what is more appropriate for me at this stage. When we can do that, we're back on the right path, and instead of feeling anxiety and fear we can experience gratitude, happiness and peace.
With my mind finally relaxed and receptive to new information, I also began to recall statements by scientists professing awe at how perfectly the universe works. Somehow I knew deep within that inherent in that perfection, both life and death are undoubtedly meant to be blessed gifts, as well as sacred transformational experiences.
I resonated with this truth. I choose to accept and expect that the plan is for us to view and use life and death as opportunities to fully express the rich potential in each experience. In this way, we learn to trust in the process of life and enter into a higher level of awareness, which benefits us and humanity. Life is an evolutionary process. Earth is our campus, challenges are our lessons--and school is always in session.
________________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-Fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Monday, October 1, 2012
The Practiced Ear Hears the Song of God in Nature
I sense a deep primordial kinship with the fall season. As the Earth's energy slows down following the boisterous display of summer, I instinctively know it is time to draw within and spend quiet time in contemplation. The need is strong, and the sometimes cloudy, cooler days complement this desire.
Lately, I find myself reflecting on the creativity of nature and the similarity of thoughts and seeds. Whenever I plant a sunflower seed in my small patio garden, I can rest assured that the germinated seed will produce a sunflower. So too will the thoughts I focus on produce their own likeness, and whether they are deemed desirable or undesirable depends on the quality of my thoughts. It is important to choose my thoughts carefully so that what springs forth in my life is as dependable and desirable as what flourishes in my garden.
In joyous anticipation of partnering with nature, I pick up my pruning shears and trowel and head for my small back patio garden to view the results of the Southwest desert's harsh triple-digit temperatures. Despite appropriate care, some potted plants have not survived, much like some of my misplaced thoughts and desires. I bless them and with a sigh, scoop them up and recycle them into the earth.
I am heartened though that while some umbrella plants are brown half-way to the base of their sword-like leaves, they are still alive and worthy of continuing attention and care. I know that with judicial pruning, some plant food and lower temperatures they will have a rebirth and soon settle in -- healthy and strong for the milder winter months.
It is with great pleasure that I notice the gentle breeze that cools my brow and plays a melody on the chimes. I survey the healthy green of the large jasmine bush and the heavenly bamboo that long ago sent down their roots deep into the earth. They can easily withstand the summer heat and the cold of winter.
I realize that many of us also seek to anchor our trust and faith into something greater than we are that will sustain us and enable us to not only survive but to thrive despite the traumas, trials and tribulations of life.
For sentimental reasons, I usually plant red Emperor tulip bulbs in pots and place them in a box of sawdust in the garage to prepare them for an early blooming period in a process known as "forcing."
Each time the brilliant red tulips reach full bloom in the still-cold days of winter, I honor the many flowering plants that have "nursed" me through trying times in my life. They serve as gentle reminders to my yearning heart that spring will eventually burst forth once again in all of its full frolicking, rollicking and riotous splendor.
While surveying the ravages of summer on some of the plants, I realized I finally understood my late husband's seemingly blase' approach to flower and vegetable gardening. As a master gardener as well as a practical person, he would give the seeds and sprouts all the tender loving care necessary for optimal growth and then say, "Shape up or ship out."
He gave them every chance to survive, but when it became obvious that they weren't going to make it -- into the compost pile they went. I now find this not only a well-reasoned approach to the mysterious vagaries of plant survival, but to the choices we make in life. If our thoughts-decisions bring good results, excellent. If not, we uproot them and choose new ones.
I was initiated into the joys of gardening in childhood by my grandmothers and my favorite uncle, and my lifelong interest was matched by that of my late husband. They taught me that nature is the true language of our being, and that we can learn from it whatever we need to know about life.
The invitation is always there for us to draw near the bosom of nature. If we lean close and listen, we can hear the serenade of God, and know that we are part of Creation and one with all life ... dissolving all fears.
_______________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," which won the 2010 Silver Award for non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way - How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon. com, other online booksellers and bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Lately, I find myself reflecting on the creativity of nature and the similarity of thoughts and seeds. Whenever I plant a sunflower seed in my small patio garden, I can rest assured that the germinated seed will produce a sunflower. So too will the thoughts I focus on produce their own likeness, and whether they are deemed desirable or undesirable depends on the quality of my thoughts. It is important to choose my thoughts carefully so that what springs forth in my life is as dependable and desirable as what flourishes in my garden.
In joyous anticipation of partnering with nature, I pick up my pruning shears and trowel and head for my small back patio garden to view the results of the Southwest desert's harsh triple-digit temperatures. Despite appropriate care, some potted plants have not survived, much like some of my misplaced thoughts and desires. I bless them and with a sigh, scoop them up and recycle them into the earth.
I am heartened though that while some umbrella plants are brown half-way to the base of their sword-like leaves, they are still alive and worthy of continuing attention and care. I know that with judicial pruning, some plant food and lower temperatures they will have a rebirth and soon settle in -- healthy and strong for the milder winter months.
It is with great pleasure that I notice the gentle breeze that cools my brow and plays a melody on the chimes. I survey the healthy green of the large jasmine bush and the heavenly bamboo that long ago sent down their roots deep into the earth. They can easily withstand the summer heat and the cold of winter.
I realize that many of us also seek to anchor our trust and faith into something greater than we are that will sustain us and enable us to not only survive but to thrive despite the traumas, trials and tribulations of life.
For sentimental reasons, I usually plant red Emperor tulip bulbs in pots and place them in a box of sawdust in the garage to prepare them for an early blooming period in a process known as "forcing."
Each time the brilliant red tulips reach full bloom in the still-cold days of winter, I honor the many flowering plants that have "nursed" me through trying times in my life. They serve as gentle reminders to my yearning heart that spring will eventually burst forth once again in all of its full frolicking, rollicking and riotous splendor.
While surveying the ravages of summer on some of the plants, I realized I finally understood my late husband's seemingly blase' approach to flower and vegetable gardening. As a master gardener as well as a practical person, he would give the seeds and sprouts all the tender loving care necessary for optimal growth and then say, "Shape up or ship out."
He gave them every chance to survive, but when it became obvious that they weren't going to make it -- into the compost pile they went. I now find this not only a well-reasoned approach to the mysterious vagaries of plant survival, but to the choices we make in life. If our thoughts-decisions bring good results, excellent. If not, we uproot them and choose new ones.
I was initiated into the joys of gardening in childhood by my grandmothers and my favorite uncle, and my lifelong interest was matched by that of my late husband. They taught me that nature is the true language of our being, and that we can learn from it whatever we need to know about life.
The invitation is always there for us to draw near the bosom of nature. If we lean close and listen, we can hear the serenade of God, and know that we are part of Creation and one with all life ... dissolving all fears.
_______________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," which won the 2010 Silver Award for non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way - How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon. com, other online booksellers and bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Why the Family of Man Is Just Like the One Next Door
Many years ago I was fascinated to hear the New York Times bestselling author and one of America's leading personal growth experts, John Bradshaw, declare that "97% of all families are dysfunctional and the other three percent are lying." After his presentation, I realized that people have been agonizing over family relationships since Cain and Abel. Today, even though help is as close as the nearest library or a counselor -- the same dysfunctional situations are all around us, and quite likely, in our own family.
I don't know about anyone else, but my rationale (excuse) for not seeking help sooner was thinking that with patience, prayer and loving kindness my situation would resolve itself. It didn't. The emotional pain has lessened, but the situation itelf has never been resolved. After all these years, I realize an even deeper truth. I was fearful of facing my problem because if what my family member thought of me turned out to be the true essence of me, that would be even more humbling, humiliating and hurtful.
The question I used to ask to beat myself up with was: How could I be so horrible that this person, who I love dearly, can't stand me? At the same time, some of my friends have shared similar familial challenges and are asking that same question, or the reverse: What is wrong with me that I can't love or even stand to be around my son or daughter, sister or brother or -- the holy of holies -- my mother or father?
For decades I have heard such poignant tales from others that whenever I became aware that someone I knew was in the throes of coping with a dysfunctional personal relationship, I took the opportunity to state the following observation: When we're born into this lifetime we should each come in with a warranty, that includes a section on how life on Earth is really meant to work, what we came in to learn and, if appropriate, a few ready apologies. Not only that, but this information should be printed on a placard to wear around our necks to let other unsuspecting souls know what lessons we're here to learn.
While that information would definitely help us understand why we act or react the way we do, I'm no longer interested in what could-a, or would-a-been a big help. I am so ready to do whatever will help me heal and come to peace with this issue. After more years than I am comfortable admitting, I finally reached out for help--a new habit that is serving me well. I asked a spiritually-based counselor to assist me in gaining insight into my dysfunctional family relationship.
His input was surprising and stunning: He explained that in our dualistic world (good-bad, life-death, night-day, right-wrong, and up-down) when we find ourselves in conflict with another person, we have a predictable response: We are right, and the other person is wrong. With our dualistic understanding of either-or, there is no alternative. He continued by saying, "The emotions surrounding the issue soon become blown all out of proportion to the original issue itself and it becomes a life or death situation. While on a conscious level this response seems irrational, on a subconscious level we actually believe that being wrong truly means death, as far as our ego-self is concerned."
It seems that as long as we buy into thinking dualistically and continue to come from the part of our outer-ego self, instead of our inner authentic Self, we believe we must be right or die. If we continue to function from that win-lose illusion, we can expect to experience ongoing conflict, confusion, stress, strain and suffering.
The counselor further defined and clarified the process by stating,"The longer the conflict continues, the more levels of emotion are added and any possibility for resolution disappears. The truth is," he added, "the more we fight to be right, the more negative energy is added to the situation and the ultimate illusion we end up holding onto is that if we can prove ourselves right and the other person wrong, the other individual will accept and love us once again and all will be well." Wrong. The breach only widens.
At that point, we have several options: We can choose to be submissive and accept we are the one who is wrong, which compromises our deepest sense of self-worth, or continue the fight. And since either choice is an obvious no-win situation, the outcome remains hopeless.
I got the message. If we really desire to work through such painful conflicts with a loved one, we must bypass the ego and turn within to our real Self. This is the center of divine intelligence-energy-love that exists within every human being. Here we will find the font of truth and wisdom that will help us resolve the situation, and all the symptoms of duality will disappear.
The big question the counselor indicated that is so difficult for most people to ask themselves is simply: What is the truth of this situation? I took that as a challenge in my own family. I wrote the question out, and took the necessary time to turn within and allow the answer to come from the core of my being. The process took a number of attempts, but patience paid off.
The answer that finally resonated within me was that I needed to forgive myself for not being the perfect daughter, sibling, wife and mother I desired to be and thought I was--at the time. I wasn't thrilled with this response at first, but soon realized it was the truth of me. Although striving to be perfect was something I had lived with all my life -- and I still believe it has some positive aspects -- in retrospect I realized that it usually meant judging my self harshly for all the times I fell short.
The counselor's parting advice was invaluable: "Remember if you are hurting, it is your problem, not the other person's. Their situation and whether or not they choose to heal is none of your business. Know that at the time the drama-trauma occurred in your life it was a wake-up call from your soul to learn lessons that allowed you to become who you are now. Be grateful for that. It takes courage, forgiveness, good thoughts and a deep heart's desire to continue changing and growing. Be gentle and kind to yourself and bless the family member who brought you to this new awareness--and release any expectations."
I discovered recently that once we gain insight into a life issue, that's only half the equation. We also have to take the new awareness in and make it part of our lives. In this instance, as many times a day as I think of it, I repeat the Dalai Lama-inspired affirmation for myself and my family member by saying alternately: May you (or May I) be truly happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be loving kindness. May you know the power of love and forgiveness.
Just becoming aware of the fact that I had been caught up in the current culture of dysfunctional duality was enough to cause a desired shift in my consciousness. Now that I am following a healing process based on love and oneness instead of separation and ego, I know that the emotional energy that bound this painful issue to me is being released. Hallelujah!
_______________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
I don't know about anyone else, but my rationale (excuse) for not seeking help sooner was thinking that with patience, prayer and loving kindness my situation would resolve itself. It didn't. The emotional pain has lessened, but the situation itelf has never been resolved. After all these years, I realize an even deeper truth. I was fearful of facing my problem because if what my family member thought of me turned out to be the true essence of me, that would be even more humbling, humiliating and hurtful.
The question I used to ask to beat myself up with was: How could I be so horrible that this person, who I love dearly, can't stand me? At the same time, some of my friends have shared similar familial challenges and are asking that same question, or the reverse: What is wrong with me that I can't love or even stand to be around my son or daughter, sister or brother or -- the holy of holies -- my mother or father?
For decades I have heard such poignant tales from others that whenever I became aware that someone I knew was in the throes of coping with a dysfunctional personal relationship, I took the opportunity to state the following observation: When we're born into this lifetime we should each come in with a warranty, that includes a section on how life on Earth is really meant to work, what we came in to learn and, if appropriate, a few ready apologies. Not only that, but this information should be printed on a placard to wear around our necks to let other unsuspecting souls know what lessons we're here to learn.
While that information would definitely help us understand why we act or react the way we do, I'm no longer interested in what could-a, or would-a-been a big help. I am so ready to do whatever will help me heal and come to peace with this issue. After more years than I am comfortable admitting, I finally reached out for help--a new habit that is serving me well. I asked a spiritually-based counselor to assist me in gaining insight into my dysfunctional family relationship.
His input was surprising and stunning: He explained that in our dualistic world (good-bad, life-death, night-day, right-wrong, and up-down) when we find ourselves in conflict with another person, we have a predictable response: We are right, and the other person is wrong. With our dualistic understanding of either-or, there is no alternative. He continued by saying, "The emotions surrounding the issue soon become blown all out of proportion to the original issue itself and it becomes a life or death situation. While on a conscious level this response seems irrational, on a subconscious level we actually believe that being wrong truly means death, as far as our ego-self is concerned."
It seems that as long as we buy into thinking dualistically and continue to come from the part of our outer-ego self, instead of our inner authentic Self, we believe we must be right or die. If we continue to function from that win-lose illusion, we can expect to experience ongoing conflict, confusion, stress, strain and suffering.
The counselor further defined and clarified the process by stating,"The longer the conflict continues, the more levels of emotion are added and any possibility for resolution disappears. The truth is," he added, "the more we fight to be right, the more negative energy is added to the situation and the ultimate illusion we end up holding onto is that if we can prove ourselves right and the other person wrong, the other individual will accept and love us once again and all will be well." Wrong. The breach only widens.
At that point, we have several options: We can choose to be submissive and accept we are the one who is wrong, which compromises our deepest sense of self-worth, or continue the fight. And since either choice is an obvious no-win situation, the outcome remains hopeless.
I got the message. If we really desire to work through such painful conflicts with a loved one, we must bypass the ego and turn within to our real Self. This is the center of divine intelligence-energy-love that exists within every human being. Here we will find the font of truth and wisdom that will help us resolve the situation, and all the symptoms of duality will disappear.
The big question the counselor indicated that is so difficult for most people to ask themselves is simply: What is the truth of this situation? I took that as a challenge in my own family. I wrote the question out, and took the necessary time to turn within and allow the answer to come from the core of my being. The process took a number of attempts, but patience paid off.
The answer that finally resonated within me was that I needed to forgive myself for not being the perfect daughter, sibling, wife and mother I desired to be and thought I was--at the time. I wasn't thrilled with this response at first, but soon realized it was the truth of me. Although striving to be perfect was something I had lived with all my life -- and I still believe it has some positive aspects -- in retrospect I realized that it usually meant judging my self harshly for all the times I fell short.
The counselor's parting advice was invaluable: "Remember if you are hurting, it is your problem, not the other person's. Their situation and whether or not they choose to heal is none of your business. Know that at the time the drama-trauma occurred in your life it was a wake-up call from your soul to learn lessons that allowed you to become who you are now. Be grateful for that. It takes courage, forgiveness, good thoughts and a deep heart's desire to continue changing and growing. Be gentle and kind to yourself and bless the family member who brought you to this new awareness--and release any expectations."
I discovered recently that once we gain insight into a life issue, that's only half the equation. We also have to take the new awareness in and make it part of our lives. In this instance, as many times a day as I think of it, I repeat the Dalai Lama-inspired affirmation for myself and my family member by saying alternately: May you (or May I) be truly happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be loving kindness. May you know the power of love and forgiveness.
Just becoming aware of the fact that I had been caught up in the current culture of dysfunctional duality was enough to cause a desired shift in my consciousness. Now that I am following a healing process based on love and oneness instead of separation and ego, I know that the emotional energy that bound this painful issue to me is being released. Hallelujah!
_______________________________
Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
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