D-I-V-O-R-C-E--Is What You Make It

Whenever I think of divorce I recall Tammy Wynette’s hit song of the same name. This brings up memories of what a traumatic time my divorce was for me and my children more than thirty years ago.

At the time I didn’t realize that the way I had chosen to go through the “emotional earthquake” would change the course of my life. It would also result in great emotional and spiritual growth, as well as insights and blessings.

My husband and I were both very young. We had three children in fairly rapid succession, and were just starting to grow up ourselves but, unfortunately in different directions that neither of us was mature enough to have foreseen or imagined.

The next part of our drama was fairly typical of the times: After we went our separate ways, he still had his career, and went on to new relationships and creating the future he desired. I had the children, a very limited amount of savings, no career, no job and no house to call my own. With two teenage girls and a young boy, the prospects for the future at that time didn’t look promising.

It did get better—but not quickly—because it’s in the daily struggle that the hard choices are made and valuable lessons are learned. I came home to where my family lived for emotional support, rented a townhouse and landed a job that would eventually set me on the path to a successful career.

During the years of struggle for me and my children, I was painfully aware of the traumatic effect the divorce had on them, yet I believed what the family-life counselor told me. “It’s simple,” he said. “If you are all right, your children will be all right.”

With the deep love I had for my children, a positive attitude and a never-give-up approach, I was determined to make the best of an unfortunate and now all-too-common life experience. I began to discover there was a lot more to me than I had ever imagined. I tapped into a wellspring of inner strength, intelligence and spirituality that I never knew I had. Along with this came the sad realization that I could not shield my offspring from the emotional burden of divorce. It hurts everyone. I could only pray that the challenges would make them stronger, wiser human beings.

It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t overnight, but it was happening. I think the saving grace in our wounded-ness was that it forced us to turn within and seek a connection with the sanctuary of love, wisdom and guidance that is within everyone. As the years passed, I watched with relief and gratitude as my children began to emerge from the heartbreak of divorce and become independent, mature adults.

My other heart’s desire was fulfilled when I met and later married a wonderful, compatible life partner. We had more than twenty blissful years together, and even his lengthy decline and death yielded blessings for us both, not the least of which is the book “The Heart Knows the Way,” which chronicled our incredible experience.

Today, five years after my beloved husband’s death, some people might think I would be lonely and sad. Nothing could be further from the truth. The gift I received in my dramatic struggle was to focus on the lessons to be learned in every situation, to be grateful for life and to act from the highest and best that is in me. I can honestly say I have never been happier in my life.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Stay Tuned: I Am a Work In Progress

In a recent column called “The Great Gift in Listening,” I talked about the importance of truly listening to others as a way of stopping the habit of objectifying others so that we could rationalize not caring about them. Shortly after writing that column a real-life situation came up that dramatically pointed out how this unwise practice had become a part of my behavior. Fortunately it also gave me the opportunity to learn some important lessons.

I have a relative who I have avoided for years because the person directs irrational and out-of-control emotional rages at others, including me. Immediately after a recent unsettling experience I realized the following: This person wasn’t going to change. Listening wasn’t the appropriate solution. And, it was time for me to choose a proactive approach for the sake of my health and well being.

I recalled that when the behavior surfaced years ago I had no tools with which to deal with it. I simply worked at quickly stuffing any thoughts and emotions I held about the person and the incident so that I could forget the whole thing. Now I know that the emotions I hold about the person and their behavior links the event and the person to me. Until I can release the energies I have invested in this situation, I will be emotionally and energetically tied to this undesirable interaction.

While writing my book “The Heart Knows the Way,” I learned a technique to clear energy held around unnecessary mental-emotional baggage that is no longer positive, desirable or life enhancing. [“Clear Now and Create the Life You Desire” is available on my Web site at http://www.fernstewartwelch.com/.]

After a few clearing sessions, I became aware that no matter when the situation or event takes place, and whether we remember it or not, it becomes a part of our cellular structure. The energy remains red hot and wired so that when something triggers it, the brain automatically sends us the same emotional reaction we had at the time of the original incident. The amount of emotion it brings up depends totally on the degree of unresolved emotion-energy that we still have invested in the issue.

The good news is that each time the energy-emotion comes up it is an opportunity for those involved to release the energy and be free.

I am fully aware that it isn’t possible to change another person, or wise to try to force their conscious awareness. But I can choose my actions and reactions. I also know that if I am involved in this situation, there are lessons for me to learn as well.

My desire is to be free of this issue and my emotional reaction to this person’s behavior. I also realize that what the other person chooses to do or not to do is none of my business. I decided to begin forgiveness work for myself and the other person for any real or imagined wrong we have ever done to each other, past or present. I would continue the energy-clearing technique, and direct daily thoughts of love and blessings to the person.

I will know I am healed [free] when I no longer hold any energy-emotion around this issue or the person.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

You Can Trust Your Feelings!

When faced with a recent business decision, I ignored my instincts and went instead with the “right” or rational course of action.

After several weeks of uneasy feelings about my choice, I reversed my decision. Despite any embarrassment this would cause me, or the apologies I would have to make to the other person, I followed my feelings. Once I made the decision, I experienced an immediate sense of inner peace.

After some reflection, I realize that my action flies in the face of what is considered sacred in Western culture—taking in information logically and rationally with our minds, then letting our minds tell us how we should feel.

This intellectual approach forms the basis of our culture and our civilization. Any thought of trusting our inner feelings is often discounted, denied and ignored as being unscientific, unwise, irrational and—worse than that—“feminine” and unmanly. Honoring our feelings is diametrically opposed to what we’ve been taught to believe, which is that the only path to truth and reality is through the logical and rational mind.

I seriously question that concept. In my experience the lingering uneasiness came about because my inner-guidance system [instincts-intuition-feelings] was not in harmony with the decision I made, and the feelings just remained constant to remind me I was out of alignment with my inner self.

The idea of evaluating situations solely with our minds and then letting our minds determine our feelings is no longer acceptable to me. I know that in many cultures around the world people receive information with their entire being. I don’t think that we are any different. I believe our bodies are hard-wired to evaluate everything first with our feelings, and then to partner with the mind to complete the process. In our scientific zeal we have simply gotten the whole thought-process thing backward.

I trust the incredibly intricate design and perfection of our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual bodies. I believe we have everything within us to help us function in life with the best possible outcome. Feelings are a natural part of us and have a positive purpose in our lives. It doesn’t make sense to deny and ignore our feelings. When we do this, it robs us of one of the great gifts of being human.

I have discovered that now when I honor and trust my feelings, I make the “right” decision the first time.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers and major book stores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Spring Is on the Wing ... Again

I love this time of year. The Earth puts on an exuberant show of abundance and beauty, which is such a confirmation of life. My hot-pink tulips were a blessed sight during the recent and short-lived rainy weather. Soon the miniature lilies, gardenias and the jasmine bush will be blooming and filling the air with their heady scents.

Each day the mallards, geese, blue heron and other waterfowl fly low over my house several times a day to and from the nearby lakes. I can hear the familiar honking sound of the geese as the v-formation comes into view.

This is the second time that a quail couple has returned and selected a large flower pot on my patio in which to deposit their eggs. Last year I was delighted as I watched twelve little fluffy puffs of new life either rappel down the asparagus-fern fronds and land in a soft plump on the walkway, or simply say “Geronimo” [in quail-speak] and bravely bail out. The mother quail was around the corner calling to them and the baby quail did what generations of their ancestors had done and scampered straight to the sound of safety.

This year I discovered there were seventeen eggs. I never bothered to learn the gestation period, as I trusted my intuition to nudge me when it was time for the eggs to hatch.

Sure enough, one morning weeks later I was getting ready to leave for an appointment when something moved me to check the flower pot, which I could do by looking out the window. There before my eyes on the brickwork was an incredible scene--Mom and Dad and seventeen newly hatched dotting-and-darting bundles of life energy. I was mesmerized by the activity of what I thought was Life Survival Lesson No. 1. The baby quail were gathered in a loose, constantly wiggling and moving group. When they received their directions from the parents, they quickly scurried to another section of the patio. Then just as eagerly they hurried back for further instructions on how to make it through their first days.

When I returned home in mid-afternoon the whole family was still there. I delighted in watching them until dusk when the baby quail finally mastered the six-foot flight to the top of the patio wall and then they were all gone. My delight faded for a moment as I thought of how tiny and eager they were for life’s adventure, and what might await them. Yet, this was quickly replaced with the joy and gratitude I felt for this rare and blessed gift. It allowed me once again to connect up close and personal with nature, the true language of our being. I also knew the adults were doing exactly what quail parents have been doing since the dawn of their time on Earth, preparing the next generation for yet another spring.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers and major book stores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

A New and Improved Definition of Succe$$

It occurred to me after a recent conversation with my brother that as we enter our senior years [according to AARP it’s now age 50] many of us experience some angst over whether or not we are a success in life. Naturally, success means something quite different to each individual and may be altogether different when judged by the culture into which we are born.

During our conversation we agreed that there are great unexplored possibilities between what society may judge as success, and what success means to each of us. We also decided that it was of vital importance to know what living a successful life means to you, otherwise you have no compass to help you stay the course, or to feed your soul when the going gets rough.

Our concept of success or failure can certainly change depending on our circumstances and our level of awareness. During my thirties I criticized myself severely because I wasn’t successful. When I look back, however, I realize this was an unfair indictment of my life. I was a divorced, single mother in survival mode tying to balance making a living, supporting and rearing three children and carving out a career.

After a few more days of mentally walking back through my life, I emailed my brother and announced that I was boldly declaring myself a success. I then listed what I considered solid reasons for this decision: 1) I had taken whatever came into my life and given it everything I had from a positive standpoint, and no matter how anyone else perceived it, it was the best I could do with my level of awareness at that time, and 2) Since it is a human habit to judge ourselves critically, and I was complete with that unhealthy behavior, I decided to cut myself some slack and be better to myself than I had ever been before.

As I clicked on the Send button, my entire body seemed to breathe a huge sigh of relief.

My brother responded with a request for further conversation. After some more soul searching and reflection, we reached agreement on the following: If you are fully living your gifts and talents and seeking to serve life, God, you are a success. I thought later that if many people chose to follow this concise and profound philosophy it could change the world.

I believe that those who courageously approach life in this way and who dare to actively seek Truth and conscious awareness should be candidates for a Cosmic Badge of Courage (C.B.C.). When I thought about how desperately our world needs such souls today, I realized I could count a small number among my friends, associates and family members.

The first one I would nominate for a C.B.C. would be my friend Shayla, whose bodacious pronouncement [paraphrased from memory] always brightens my day and brings a smile: It isn’t my goal to complete this life with my body intact, but to continue pushing the envelope of what is possible and to slide into that unknown with a smile that acknowledges that I felt every bump and bruise, thoroughly enjoyed the ride … and deliberately made a difference.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book, THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

With a Tip of the Heart to Oprah---Here's the Rest ... of The Secret

I spent several decades of my life seeking to understand why some people are successful in achieving their heart desires and others are not.

Like millions of others I read all the books, heard numerous speakers and had the information spelled out for me many times by philosophers, visionaries and others. The concepts embraced by many of these individuals have been around since Biblical days and allowed them to achieve amazing goals and realize equally amazing lives.

I began hearing about The Secret a short time ago and was most interested in watching Oprah’s recently aired program covering the process. She and the wonderful team of assembled teachers shared highlights of an ancient and time-tested process [which in this latest incarnation is called The Secret] that has historically helped many people, including me, achieve their heart’s desire.

As I listened once again to the familiar “how-to” steps in The Secret, I realized that while something was missing that I considered a vital part of my success, I also was fully aware of something else. This program in and of itself was a gift to the millions of people watching. It may motivate individuals who desire to get on the path to self empowerment and to realizing more of their full potential as human beings.

I knew exactly what was missing from the presentation because I recently lived an experience that answered a really big, unasked question: If this information has always been available, which it has in one form or another for centuries, and it’s so simple, why aren’t more people realizing their dreams and desires?

The experience I lived answered this question and allowed me to realize my own heart’s desire, which I chronicled in my book “The Heart Knows the Way,” and which I now freely share to help others.

For almost three years I was unsuccessful in achieving my heart’s desire in spite of my in-depth knowledge of the process, my expertise in using directed, affirmative prayer and having the required clarity, focus and deep passion around my goal. Fortunately, I was also committed to never giving up or giving in, which led me to go within and use a technique to release invalid thoughts, life patterns, emotions and feelings, which were energetically held in my body.

I learned that these hidden “directives” residing in my subconscious had robotically pre-determined many of my decisions or lack of decisions, and often sabotaged my desire for life-enhancing actions, which included my heart’s desire.

Only after I had cleared enough of the hidden messages-energy was I free to open to accepting and allowing my heart desire to manifest in my life, which it did. My desire was to achieve a personal connection with God, and to receive the support and guidance necessary to consciously accompany my beloved husband through his lengthy decline and death in a way that was loving, life affirming and spiritually enlightening. It was.

I believe that this information may hold a key for others who seek to create the life they desire, and who may be tempted to give up when what they may need to do is clear any energy they have invested in unnecessary mental-emotional baggage.

In all my years of reading and listening to speakers about the process of fulfilling your heart’s desires, I have never seen or heard any reference to doing this type of energy clearance. I learned this secret by living it.

I wrote about this time-tested process in two recently published magazine articles, for which I also synthesized these ancient truths and the energy clearance method into two condensed lists of ten steps each. Since others may need to do this energy work in order to be successful, I have made the lists available on my website.

Simply click on my name on the left side of this column, which links to my website, and scroll down to the lists, or go to http://www.fernstewartwelch.com/.
—Clear Now and Create the Life You Desire.
—Ten Proven Steps to Fulfillment of Your Heart’s Desire.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book, THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Fear as a Form of Crowd Control

When I was very young I wondered if being quiet in church was because adults thought God was afraid of humans speaking up. Later I decided the adults were fearful that God’s attention would be drawn to them and then some sort of terrible and long-overdue retribution would be meted out because everybody was guilty of something at some time.

As I matured I realized that people are afraid of a lot of things, not the least of which is the eternal and sublime energy that is called by many names including God. We are also fearful of anyone that is different in speech, looks or actions. We are afraid of life, death and everything in between. We are afraid of who we are so we spend our lives locked within a façade so that we won’t be rejected by others who are doing the same thing.

We spend our lives unaware and fearful of the incredible life force that is within us and focus instead on the external, which is filled with the non-fulfilling and crazy-making “reality” of a fear-based society.

The awareness of and ability to manipulate through fear has been utilized as a form of crowd control from the dawn of recorded history. It has evolved to a highly developed art form thanks to religion, politics and advertising.

Fear is based on a feeling of separation, and we have been living in an illusion that furthers that sense of separateness at the core of our being. The illusion is that we are separate from that which is called God, and that illusion is so powerful and overwhelming that all other fears known to man just build upon it like a house of cards.

Science and quantum physics have already proven that there is no separateness. Whether we like it or not, we are one with everything and everyone on this planet and in the entire universe. We can deny it, but it doesn’t change the fact. The eternal and sublime energy, no matter what it is called, is within each of us. It always has been and always will be.

Will we be able to open our minds and accept the fact that all the energy, power, wisdom, love, peace and goodness there is now, ever was or ever will be is centered in us right now? Can we grow past the illusion that has kept us mired in conflict and fear—and evolve into the consciously aware spiritual human beings we were born to be?

A lot of earlier myths and superstitions have long since been put to rest, including that the earth was flat. It is time for humanity to open its collective mind and heart and accept that we have the opportunity to direct the energy of the universe that individualizes as each one of us. It is time to accept our true destiny and become co-creators with this incredible power and create peace, love and cooperation on earth. The clock is ticking.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book, THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

The Great Gift in Listening

My sister was in town for a visit recently, and I hosted a small dinner party, which was the smallest gathering ever of my large birth family.

Normally at our full family gatherings there are anywhere from thirty to fifty people ranging from kindergartners to senior citizens. It is a lively and loving gathering, but usually there is little time for more than superficial fact finding about family members – the ritual breaking of bread – and the “see-you-next year” hugs.

Everyone in my family likes to talk, and we all think we have something decidedly important to say, yet what I noticed last night was a distinct difference. At first I think there was a little anxiety as they found it was such a small group, and realized that it wouldn’t be the typical hello-and-goodbye event.

This initial uneasiness soon passed, as conversations began to flow easily and the comfort level grew. It became obvious there was a new level of connectedness between the participants as the parameters expanded and they had the opportunity to know and be known, as well as to hear and be heard.

I learned that a niece and nephew are extraordinary parents who have guided their children to near-adulthood by living what they want their children to be. All four members of this particular family are involved in community service, devoted to their spiritual beliefs, environmentally and politically aware and actively pursuing making the world a better place for themselves and others.

What I later learned in unsolicited comments from individual guests was that they had discovered in two siblings a hither-to-unknown breadth and depth of knowledge and wisdom. Each person mentioned the conversations and what a joy it was to cover a wide range of national issues and have the focus be on brainstorming creative solutions rather than complaining about the status quo.

After contemplating this experience, I realized that the most important relationship of our lives—the one with self is not possible without going within and listening to that still small voice. Our culture teaches us to focus on the external and discourages listening to and knowing the true essence of who we are. By going within we can discover the sanctuary within each of us where in spite of the traumas of life there is the love we all seek, as well as peace, guidance, joy, wisdom and trust in life.

I also recalled that the indigenous peoples of the world have been saying for decades and with great emphasis that it is time we started listening to nature. Perhaps in listening, we will learn to understand and cooperate with this incredible force instead of trying to subdue it. Maybe if we truly listen to each other we will be more aware of our similarities and less focused on the differences—which allows us to objectify others so that we don’t have to care about what happens to them. Obviously there are great gifts for humanity in listening!
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book, THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

The Awesome Power and Tender Beauty of God in Nature

Since I was a young child I have been in awe of the power of God in nature. I can remember the nights that I huddled under the covers as the booming crack of thunder and then the jagged streaks of lightning were so intense and seemed so close that I thought surely that the next one would land on our house.

I also recall another time much later when I traveled to the Greek Islands with my late husband. We were part of a small group that had chartered a ship to visit a number of ancient holy sites on some of the islands. All the sleeping quarters were below deck and ours seemed to be the farthest from topside, which wasn’t a calming thought for me, as I’ve always had a fear of “big water.”

After a week of wonderful weather, the seasonal meltemeh winds that come out of Mongolia kicked up a terrific storm. The waves were incredible and the boat was weaving and bobbing as the storm gathered strength.

My husband was a former navy man and loved the sea. In his mind the bigger the storms the greater the thrill and joy for him. Not me. While he and everyone else below deck were evidently sleeping like babies rocked in a cradle, I grabbed a blanket and headed topside. I was determined that if I was going to meet my maker it would be face to face—not fearless—but conscious and aware.

The crew, evidently not the least concerned by the storm, acknowledged my presence with a smile as I tucked the blanket tightly around my body and settled onto one of the benches that were bolted to the deck. I was so stunned by the truly spectacular show of such incredible energy and power that I forgot my fear and settled into being mesmerized. I remember staying in prayer and gratitude as I gave into the glory of just being alive. The next day all was well and we continued on our journey.

I was reminded of these experiences recently, as I again opened to the awesome … yet tender side of God in nature. I was in a state of bliss as I pruned and planted in my small patio garden. I always feel connected to the essence of the earth as I cooperate with it, and when new life bursts forth as a result of this partnership, I feel a joy that fills my soul.

Later as I sat down to dinner, I noticed an adult rabbit standing directly in view outside the glass doors. It was joined immediately by the tiniest baby bunny it has ever been my joy to see. I watched as this little bunny scampered in and out between every pot, shrub and flower. It was heartwarming to see the baby bunny’s acceptance of just being a bunny and doing what bunnies do. It was another reminder of the precious gift of nature and how connecting with it brings us back to the joy of being alive.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book, THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.

Something Worth Thinking About!

I am reading a fascinating book titled Which Side of Your Brain Am I Talking To?—in which the author Boyé Lafayette De Mente says it has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that there are basic differences in the functioning of the left and right sides of the brain. Which side of the brain is engaged at specific times depends on the first language one learns as a child, the culture in which one is reared and sexual gender.

The author, a recognized international cultural expert, concludes that these factors predetermine whether a person’s subsequent mind-set will be to either approach life from a logical and rational viewpoint (left-brain) or a purely emotional one (right-brain), and only later, hopefully, will the person be able to come around or be brought to a rational position.

This may not be news to some of you, but I was stunned to learn that the majority of people in the world do not use the same thinking processes that we do in our Western culture. The first thing I thought of was the obvious impact this has on international relations, and the fact that our nation experiences such tremendous challenges around the world with the way in which every act or inaction is perceived.

I have known for some time that in Western culture the way in which we learn to understand ourselves, others and the world around us is by a logical approach of comparing, categorizing and using a linear method of understanding situations and events in terms of cause and effect. The challenge is when we compare – we get into judging ourselves and others – and when we judge this separates us, which keeps us in fear, with no hope of closeness or understanding.

I remember in childhood comparing myself to my friends and always coming up holding the short end of the stick. In each instance it resulted in a damaging blow to my tender sense of self, lowered my self esteem and caused me to draw within. As I matured I realized that there would always be someone who was better looking, smarter, richer and more successful. I knew that intellectually, but thinking habits of a lifetime are difficult to overcome. Now at least I am aware of this shared cultural tendency, which can prevent us from fulfilling our dreams and destiny as individuals and as a nation.

The United States is the greatest power in the world, but instead of being thought of as the benevolent protector of the weak and downtrodden, which is our philosophical intention – not always fully realized – we are perceived by many as a power-hungry bully.

I have to think that somewhere in Washington’s diplomatic corps there is awareness of the vital importance of cultural differences in all aspects, including thinking processes. I have to think this to keep hope in my heart.

For myself, while I haven’t been able to break free from the judging aspect of my inherited thought process, I am getting better. Now, when I see an intellectually aware, confident, successful human being, especially a bestselling author, like Boyé De Mente, I simply think—Thanks for showing me the way.

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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's book, THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY -- How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within, is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.