Pain Has More Important Messages for Us Than "Ouch!"

Pain has been on my mind a lot lately because I have recently experienced more of it than at any other point in my life.  Just before my broken foot was to be deemed officially healed, and I would get the go-ahead to resume my normal life, I was diagnosed with shingles.  I knew nothing about this condition -- except that it hurt, a lot.

Shingles is a viral infection stored in the spine after a person has chicken pox. It affects the nerves and can develop into a serious condition called post herpetic neuralgia (PHN).  This complication causes burning, itching and nerve pain, and it can continue for months or years.

I am one of the 1 in 10 shingles patients who develop PHN.  Ouch!  Many of you know I've chosen to grow through life instead of just going through it, so you won't be surprised that I have already asked the question: What am I to learn from this situation?  I know, the more usual response is to just want the pain to stop, no matter what we have to do to accomplish it, and I can relate to that, especially in the middle of sleepless nights.

However, with my doctor's approval, and after completing several courses of the recommended anti-viral medication, I decided to forgo pain meds.  This was not easy, but I'd already learned some valuable insights that made it worthwhile to walk this path.

I learned from past situations that pain is not always a bad thing.  Pain can be a gift, a friend, a valued early-warning signal that something is out of balance in our bodies.  Pain is a message that something is potentially harmful to our being (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual), and it gives us the opportunity to do something about it.

I also knew that when I have a question, the Infinite Intelligence within me knows the answer.  It's my job to be focused and supremely aware of what comes into my consciousness that commands my attention.  I had also learned from earlier experiences that it is much easier to receive insights from our inner wisdom when our bodies aren't busy digesting large amounts of food and our minds are still and receptive.

My first breakthrough in discovering the message in the shingles was the result of an e-mail from one of my physicians.  She knows that part of my chosen path in life is clearing the shadow side of me -- the invalid thoughts, needs and hidden life patterns that block good in my life.  Her suggestion was that I go back in my "mind's eye" to when I had chicken pox, as whatever was "hidden" in the track of the shingles (in my mid-back and heart area) had been there since then.  I was to ask myself what life was like in my family at that time and get in touch with, as she said, "What I hadn't accepted and integrated into this life."

My feelings were pretty basic, and self-centered at that young age.  Coming from a large family, I felt abandoned, unsafe and fearful, and I thought I was unworthy and unlovable.  As a result, I decided at an early age to protect myself from being hurt by this situation and placed a shield around my heart.

Obviously what I didn't realize at the time was what such a strong and emotion-filled thought could have on the rest of my life.  According to past medical information concerning my heart, it had started to "harden" slightly years ago, and a current test showed an additional "hardening of the aorta" since the outbreak of shingles.  If the tie between our thoughts and emotions affecting our physical body seems far-fetched, remember what Jesus said and millions have confirmed -- It is done unto us as we believe.

This strengthened once again my commitment to learning whatever I could from the messages this painful condition offered.  I believe unequivocally that invalid thoughts, beliefs and life patterns that have been stored in our subconscious for ages can block our good for our entire lives, and affect every area of our life, including our health.  Fortunately I also learned how to replace the long forgotten and hidden negative directives with positive, life-enhancing thoughts.

Naturally my attention was riveted on the first message about my heart, as I know that my very life depends on a healthy, functioning heart.  I also believe that healing my heart means opening fully to love God, self and others.  I spent time selecting affirmative declarations that spoke to the core of me.  I repeat them daily: I declare today that my heart is the center of Divine Love and perfect circulation.  Love flows through my heart, eternally blessing me and all with whom I come in contact.  My loving thoughts stimulate my heart into healthy action and sends new life to every part of my body.

The other clear message was of being fearful and feeling unsafe ... that no one "had my back."  Since I know the opposite of fear is Faith, I repeat daily: I declare today that I have Faith, Trust and Confidence in God-the Universal Life Force-Goodness-Truth-Beauty--the eternal verities of life, and me.

Naturally, I included a powerful affirmative statement for healing the ongoing pain of postherpetic neuralgia.  Each day I say: I declare today that I am filled with the strength, power and peace of Spirit.  The life forces flow freely, peacefully and harmoniously through every cell of my body.  I am healed of all cares and worries and relax into perfect peace.

Granted, no one would consciously choose intense pain as a way of becoming aware of how our bodies communicate with us.  Yet, sometimes it takes a two-by-four between the eyes to get us to stop and pay attention to our bodies, especially on an ongoing basis.  As for me, I bless and honor this advance warning-opportunity to do my part to clear and cleanse invalid thoughts in my subconscious in order to allow my body to do what it does best--heal itself.
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Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Playing the "Blame Game"? ... Look in the Mirror!

One of my least favorite things is someone ticking off a laundry list of what's wrong in our country, or in the world, and smugly assigning blame to this person or that group.  So, just for a few minutes let's stop the fuming and fussing about what's wrong and who caused it and focus on what we can do as individuals to create better lives for ourselves and, ultimately, a more humane, peaceful and healthier world.

I realize that the idea that individuals can help to heal the Earth and obliterate disease, hunger, poverty and war may seem impossible and naive, but consider the following.  It's obvious that today's collective world consciousness is founded on fear, greed and looking out for number one.  And the results of this negative group-mindset are also obvious.  We have created a global culture based on negative values.  The good news is that if group negativity can be successful, then group positive-ity can as well.

I believe the universal Truth is that what we desire for the world has to manifest in our lives first.  When we believe in this Truth and live it, then we will be able to create peace, health and happiness for all.  No leader, no political process, no economic or governmental system is totally responsible for the challenges we face nationally or globally right now.  Our situation is simply a mirror of what humanity's collective consciousness and actions from the past have wrought.  And, considering the difficulties we face ... we cannot afford to underestimate the value of this opportune time to apply new Truths in order to help heal the Earth and humanity.

The first step is to accept once and for all that none of the wonderful changes we desire for our own lives and for others around the world start Out There.  It is totally an "inside job," and it begins with us.

The positive thoughts we need to accept and imbed in our individual and collective consciousness must embrace such basics as abundance (enough to spare and share), health, healthy relationships, fulfilling our life's purpose (being part of bringing more Good into the world) and living in peace, security and joy on a healthy planet.

To start the process we must also accept that we are the only ones we can ever change.  And we know from science that with every action there is a reaction.  Whenever one person has the courage to step up and commit his or her energy to uplifting humanity, it sets a reaction in motion in other individuals that can spread around the world.  The rub is that in order to tip the scale and have this happen sooner rather than after ever-worsening and dire situations, many individuals are needed to step up right now and become warriors for positive change.

All the media hyperbole around 2012 concerning the end of the world as we now know it, and the current presidential election, has served to make us aware that this is a time of great transformational change.  If we forget that the media aims low and overplays the situation to get our attention, and we get caught up in fear -- and start blaming -- we become part of the problem,  If, however, we can hold onto an unshakable trust, faith and confidence in the verities of life -- God-Goodness-Truth-Love-Beauty-Us -- we can open to the true message of 2012.

The real message is a wake-up call from the universe letting us know that the Big Change is not meant to happen to us, but through us.  Of course, knowing the solution is only the first step.  While the Truth points the way, we still have to do something about it.  We have to look deep within and decide whether we are willing to focus our time and energy in being part of the solution -- or whether we choose to continue desperately hanging onto the myth that the answer lies in selfishly grabbing what we can for ourselves and letting the rest of the world be damned.

If you have what it takes to accept where the solution really lies, and to be a warrior for change, for Good, I recommend making your life motto the universal Truth as voiced by Jesus:  It is done unto us as we believe.  Our thoughts do determine what manifests in our lives, and millions of people are proving this every day around the world.  We just need many more to do the same -- sooner.  It is time for us to wake up and take responsibility for our lives and our planet and to help humanity evolve to a new consciousness level--one human being at a time.
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Copyright 2012 by Fern Stewart Welch - for additional insights go to http://www.fernstewartwelch.com/, click on How-to Lists at the top, and on "Realizing Your Heart Desires."

The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An UnBalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

It Takes More than New Year's Resolutions to Change Your Life

Like millions of others, I made New Year's resolutions in the past, and then failed to fulfill them.  This annual ritual became an exercise in how to beat myself up for my failures.

Then I learned the concept of changing your life by changing your thoughts.  I fully understood that if what I was experiencing wasn't desirable, it was equally possible to follow this concept and create a life of happiness and fulfillment.  I made this idea part of my life more than three decades ago.

It didn't take me long to realize why we can never be successful by making fervent, but wishful statements about our life challenges.  I learned that the problem was in the thoughts, feelings and emotions we hold about ourselves, which directly affect such important issues as abundance, health, relationships and success.

I discovered that it was necesary to go within and find out what we really desire in life.  I also found that at a deep level most human beings believe they aren't good enough, deserving or worthy, which effectively blocks their good.  To heal those thoughts, say every day as often as possible: I love myself just the way I am, right here, right now.  I deserve all the blessings the world has to offer. I am willing to change my negative thoughts and to accept good for myself.

The core beliefs we hold of being unworthy are only thoughts, which create a feeling that binds them to us.  If we change the thoughts, we change that feeling.  It doesn't matter how long we have held negative thoughts or what the thoughts are.  We can change the thoughts.  Memorize this and repeat it as often as possible:  I love myself and am wiling to change my thoughts. I now allow only positive thoughts about myself.

If we have been hurt in the past, or we hurt someone and are still holding onto the thoughts, we only hurt ourselves.  These thoughts have determined the life we have now and will decide the future.  We must release these thoughts and be free of the past.  The only way to do that is to be willing to forgive not only others but to forgive ourselves.  Say this as often as possible and for as long as it takes:  I forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me to myself, and to anyone else, past or present.  I freely and wholly forgive anyone else for any real or imagined wrong done to me, past or present.  I am free.  They are free.

The key is to love ourselves so that we can open to accepting what is truly desired into our life.  By paying close attention to what we think and say, we become aware of the many times we put ourselves down for the simplest and most inconsequential things.  This is a negative habit that keeps us stuck in victim-hood, and assures that our life will continue to be less than desirable.  Start today, and repeat often: I am wonderful, lovable, deserving and worthy and I love myself just the way I am.

While it may not be possible to say these affirmations and really mean them at first - if you continue you will -and your life will begin to change.  And, while the only one we can ever change is ourselves, when we begin to experience positive changes in ourlife, it will have an effect on others.  Know that whatever our current situation is, we have created it.  The good news is that now we can consciously choose the life we desire.

Once we decide what we want, and can love ourselves enough to accept having it, the positive affirmations set a powerful force in motion, and we have only to persevere to be successful:  Say every day as often as possible:  I am perfect, whole and complete right now.  I am willing to do what it takes to change my thoughts.  I give thanks for the good that comes to me now, and affirm that only good comes from me to others and the world.

Negative thought patterns often take time to change, so we need to be patient and gentle with ourselves.  When we begin to falter or doubt, we must take heart and know that millions of others have taken responsibility for their lives and are proving that when they change their thoughts, their  lives change.  Say every day:  I never give up and I never give in--and victory will be yours.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch -- one of the author's most requested essays.

The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the Way--How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com and other booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

The Gift That Only You Can Give Yourself

The more time I spend in and observing nature the more I learn about myself.  It recently dawned on me that I have spent my entire life in an effort to learn to relax and be who I am.  I discovered this by watching the rabbits and birds that frequent my lush yard.  They are totally content with what they are.

I smile when I think about what it must be like to be a blade of grass, whose only role in life is to grow and be green.  In doing so, it fulfills its purpose and enhances the beauty of a yard or a field.  What a sad and frustrating experience it would be for that blade of grass to spend its lifespan wishing to be a flower, a shrub or a tree.  Yet, not being grounded and accepting who we are seems to be part of the human condition, resulting in many of us spending our lives striving to be something that we are not.

It does not have to be and should not be that way.  Each of us is important, as no one else can be who I am, or who you are.  It is only our wayward minds that confuse and frustrate us and keep us from enjoying the fullness of what it means to be alive in this form.

I believe the most important element in overcoming this tendency is to come to peace within ourselves and accept who we were born to be.  Our culture is so focused on the external world that we rarely, if ever, take the time to explore the inner world that is within us.

Many people believe that life is what happens to us externally, and our role is to react to whatever comes our way, but that is not so.  The Truth is that the point of power is within us and has always been.  We need to realize that the way life is supposed to happen is from within out--not the other way around.  When we understand this, we become empowered and can determine much of what happens to us in life.

We have the power to stop our fear-based frantic search for answers outside ourselves.  Unfortunately, our culture focuses on and requires that we not be in touch with ourselves or our environment, much to the detriment of both.

Going within and connecting with our inner selves is an absolute necessity.  It naturally leads to connecting with that larger part of us that knows we are one with everyone else, as well as with the Earth itself.  At that point, there is no confusion or frustration about who we are or what our purpose is on this planet, as it is simply to be fully and wholly who we were born to be.

Once we make this connection, we will be free of the thoughts that have kept us off-balance and off-purpose and that preclude us from achieving our full human potential.  There is great power in this knowing--power that can change our lives and the world.  It is the gift that only you can give to you.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch - one of the author's most requested essays.

The author's books: "Tea with Elisabeth," recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; "You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World," and "The Heart Knows the way - How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within," are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Speed Bumps Keep Appearing on My Way to Becoming a Receiver and a Giver

This is my third essay on learning how a lifelong giver can find a balance between giving and receiving. First, I definitely haven’t reached my goal yet. Though my initial attempts were successful enough to keep me focused on my challenge I discovered that the transformation would be more difficult than I expected.

When I first broke my foot, which was the start of this quest, a number of family members and friends stepped up to help me. Thanks to all the loving assistance with my physical needs and doctor appointments, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief that I wasn't on my own.

But the flurry of helpful involvement wasn’t to last. I realized quickly that my loved ones had lives to live, while I was still occasionally in need. I felt conflicted and was even more determined to reclaim control of my life, including my diet. Since my birthday fell during this recovery time, I was gifted with a variety of tasty but high-calorie foods, which I loved, but which I usually ate only a few times a year. Now it was weekly. I was grateful for all the assistance I received, but was learning to speak up about what I wanted and needed instead of just saying thank you for whatever was delivered. So, I said no more desserts, please.

Yet I wondered if there was something I was missing that would have made the experience more palatable for me and more beneficial for all concerned. Looking back, I think I had relaxed so completely into receiving that I lost sight of my part in the balance of giving. What else was it that I needed to learn?

Divine synchronicity intervened when a dear longtime friend called and said she needed to talk about something that was weighing on her mind. Fortunately, for me, she was so busy with work, travel and speaking commitments that our meeting was delayed for several days. I appreciated the reprieve as I had experienced many such requests from family members and friends, and I was always uneasy because I wasn’t sure I could meet their needs or desires.

During the interval, I remembered something that happened in a class that related to my friend’s current need. The facilitator gave a lecture on listening and was instantly on our case any time one of us failed to listen to her or to another member. She called us out immediately whenever we had our hands in the air before someone finished speaking because we couldn’t wait to put in our two cents, or we fiddled with papers, or read or sent text messages or retreated within and didn't hear or care what the speaker was saying.

Whether I realized it consciously or not, this memory would lead me to, as bestselling author M. Scott Peck, M.D. would say, a road less traveled, at least by me. When my troubled friend called again and asked to come over it was near dinner time, and I suggested she stop by a local restaurant and pick up our meal, which would be my treat (once again I was being the giver.)

As she arrived we greeted each other warmly, and when she remembered she had missed my birthday, she immediately said dinner was on her. Of course old habits surfaced and I began to protest. This time I also thought about that “un-traveled road” – receiving – and said gratefully, “Yes, thank you, more please.” We laughed, embraced again and thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and the wonderful food.

As we settled onto the sofa to talk, I felt at ease. I had evidently decided subconsciously to really listen, to be totally present for her, and remarkably, I was. I paid close attention to her words and her body language. I was never tempted to offer solutions for her problems, but sought only to help her bring forth her own conclusions.

I automatically supported her strengths verbally and felt perfectly comfortable doing that. I even lightly tossed in truths that she knew so well, as we all do, but often lose sight of when we are experiencing emotionally difficult situations.

As we said goodbye, I realized that our energies were in a state of equilibrium, and our shared joy was genuine. It was clearly a real-world example of balanced, from-the-heart giving and receiving, and I was fully aware of it in the moment.

Later I thought of the many times I had missed the chance to simply listen to a fellow human being, and to practice that aspect of giving and receiving. Now I realize there are surely an infinite variety of ways in which to do this, but in this experience it is easy to see how it was a win-win situation for both of us. By being totally present for another person in their time of need, we are helping to create happier lives and a more humane world.
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Copyright 2011 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Making the "Impossible" Possible

After posting last month’s essay on giving and receiving, and feeling complete with the insights I had gained, I happened upon a quote by Indian yogi and mystic Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev that changed my opinion.  I realized immediately that I had only scratched the surface of this vital and complex issue. Evidently I was meant to dig much deeper to fully grasp and understand it so I could embrace it and share it with others.

His provocative quote says that when we think or say something is impossible, what we’re actually doing is telling the universe, “No thank you, we didn’t really want that anyway.”

Some of the “impossible” global examples Vasudev is obviously referring to are world peace, poverty and hunger, and on an individual level, perfect health, healthy relationships and prosperity. They remain impossible, he said, because we hold negative thoughts in our consciousness that cancel out any possibility of receiving them as a reality.

Vasudev’s quote highlighted what I believe, which is that we live in an abundant universe that is constantly giving, but many of us, me included, aren't always willing to receive.  We are the ones blocking the flow by saying or thinking, in essence, “Never mind, that may happen for someone else, but not for me.”

One of the yogi’s first questions after making his bold statement would have to be, why are we withholding good from ourselves? And the next one would be, why would we ever choose to put such unhealthy and undesirable limitations on the infinite giving-ness of Spirit and the abundant universe?

My immediate response would be from my own experience: Most of us still don’t know how life on Earth really works.  I lived the first half of my life as a victim for exactly that reason.  Until I learned the truth in what Jesus taught about it being done unto us as we believe, I was living by default instead of by design.  In the mid-seventies, this incredible concept had been succinctly re-stated as: Change your thoughts and change your life.  And thanks to hundreds of visionary writers and speakers, as well as many sages and spiritual leaders throughout the ages, we are finally aware enough to accept this concept.  It is being lived and confirmed by millions of people all over the world, thanks to all the above and TV's all-purpose guru Oprah.

As I embraced this truth, I realized that we are the scriptwriters, the casting directors and directors of our own comedies, dramas or tragedies. The Universal Life Force, energy that is in everything and everyone in the universe, is the producer.  I finally realized that I had been trapped in a victim role with absolutely no idea that the pleas and prayers I spoke each morning were overshadowed by the negative thoughts I focused on the rest of the day.  The universe sees no difference between an order that is positive or negative; it only knows to fulfill it.

The next deterrent to receiving our good from the universe is directly related to the invalid thoughts, beliefs, needs, feelings and life patterns that we hold in our subconscious.  These long-forgotten directives determine whether we feel worthy, deserving or lovable enough to receive our good.

The solution, from my experience, is to take the time to look within and start clearing out the negative beliefs we have so that our desires for a good life can be realized.  Naturally, we also have to know what we want, which many people don’t, and I didn’t for a very long time.  Then we need to clean up our subconscious and align our desires with what is good in the universe, which means that our desires neither harm nor take from anyone else. When we can do this and maintain an anticipation of good, we are open to receiving.

Is it a lot of work to make the impossible possible?  Yes.  But the result is so much better than spending a lifetime wishing we knew why other people were living “charmed” lives and we always ended up with the short end of the stick.  It was never meant to be that way.  This is a blessed, abundant universe, and it’s time to realize that we were born to have all the good our hearts desire—and can accept.

Incredible technological and economic changes are taking place in our world right now and are already affecting every area of our lives.  I believe that the “impossible” global and individual changes humanity yearns for are imminently possible.

To meet the challenges and opportunities that will alter humanity’s future one way or another, we need to accept the reality of how life works and align our thoughts and actions with that awareness. Our lifetime might see the beginning of a cosmic push-comes-to-shove era for human beings.  If we truly want to be part of this opportunity to co-create a better world, we must step up and face the facts—and be willing to lead, follow or get out of the way.
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Copyright © 2011 by Fern Stewart Welch    
The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World”; and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

How a Broken Foot Became a Blessing Instead of a Bummer

Most of you know that I write about what I learn as I grow through life instead of just going through it.  You also know that I consider it part of my life’s purpose to share the insights and lessons learned about how life is meant to work as I meet the ups and downs of daily happenings. 

Recently I’ve been thinking about what my dear friend and mentor, the late Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, reminded me of, often: “Everything in life happens for a reason.  There are no such things as accidents.” In addition to being the world expert on death and dying, she was also considered one of the most brilliant, heroic and influential women of all time. 

Since I had just experienced an “accident” while on holiday, it was a perfect opportunity to test her teaching and find out what insight(s) I was meant to gain.  It was the middle of the night.  I was at a friend’s townhouse on the bank of a sparkling stream, and I missed two steps entering the sunken living room.  Naturally, my first priority after the fall wasn’t asking what I was to learn from this situation.  It was taking inventory of my body to check out the damage. Amazingly, I realized that except for my right foot, everything else was intact and felt perfectly fine.

I waited until morning to inform my friend, who was sleeping upstairs. By that time, it was obvious that a bone was broken in my foot. This meant we had to leave that idyllic setting and return home – visit the Emergency Room, have x-rays and consultations – and finally be fitted with a cane and a boot to protect my injured right foot.  The post-ER instructions included staying off the foot as much as possible for the next 4-6 weeks.

When I did turn my thoughts to what this experience meant at a learning level, I realized that before I left on our trip I had purchased a book, “The Power of Receiving,” by Amanda Owen which is now on my bedside table. I bought it, I thought, because there was a glowing cover endorsement by someone I know, Dr. Christiane Northrup, who is also one of my favorite bestselling authors.  The subtitle was, “a revolutionary approach to receiving the life you desire and deserve.”

One of the early statements in the book caught my attention and I was hooked. It was something like this:  The world can only give you what you are willing to receive. 

Like everyone else, I have dreams and goals and want to achieve them, so I allowed those words of wisdom to rumble around in my brain. It didn’t take long after the fall to face the following facts: I was now in a somewhat helpless condition, and definitely needed to ask for and receive help. I also knew that asking others for assistance was something I had always resisted like the plague. In following that train of thought, I also realized that I had been a major giver all my life, without much thought given to the concept of receiving.

As I continued reading about giving and receiving, I grasped the reciprocal tie between them. I realized that in all earthly interactions there needs to be a natural ebb and flow, a harmonious balance.  I also got the message that when we get caught up in giving, as I had obviously done, the ego likes that much better than receiving and some of us choose to be magnanimous givers as a result. As the author says, when we’re giving we get to “showcase” our more saintly attributes and our egos love that.

Since my inner knowing resonated with the author’s information, I was eager to put it to the test.  All offers for help in my time of need were gratefully accepted.  This proved to be a thousand times better than my former stance of “suffering in silence,” and feeling like a victim.  All of which I chose because I wouldn’t allow myself to be a nuisance or to put anyone out.  Now I had willing and happy givers who provided delicious food, brought in my mail, emptied the trash, spent time visiting with me, watered my plants and took me to doctor’s appointments. 

The difference in the natural balance of giving and receiving was immediately obvious.  I felt loved and cared for in a way I had never allowed before.  And, like an over-ripe peach my love and gratitude burst forth. I was rewarded with the smiles on the faces of the givers and several special experiences that I hug to my heart.

The first one was with my younger grandchildren who proudly carried in the “bounty” lovingly chosen and beautifully prepared by their mother to “restock Mimi’s pantry and refrigerator.” Then, after my dear sister took me to the doctor, she paused as she opened the car door and asked what else I needed or wanted. All of a sudden, I felt wickedly playful and asked slyly: “What did you have in mind?”  She replied seriously, “I will do anything for you.”  My eyes widened and I said, “Anything?!” She replied, “Yes.”  I was so surprised and stunned by her loving response that I was speechless.  It wasn’t lost on me that neither of these experiences would ever have happened if I hadn’t allowed myself to receive and others to give.

I have known for a long time that we are born to be powerful spiritual beings. But until we become aware of that and free ourselves from invalid beliefs, thoughts, emotions, feelings, needs and life patterns that we hold in our subconscious, we will never know our true selves.  We will also never realize that we deserve to receive good from ourselves and others—including having our dearest dreams and desires fulfilled from an abundant Universe.

While I was writing this essay, my daughter called and asked what I was working on. As soon as she heard the subject, she said spontaneously, “When giving and receiving are in balance, love just occurs.”  I knew immediately that this wasn’t one of her life issues. I also knew that when we choose to honor and live from that natural balance, it is a blessing. When we aren’t even aware of it, it’s a bummer.

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Copyright © 2011 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World”; and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

I'm a Better Person Today ... And I Owe It All to My Ancient Air-conditioner

As I always write about what I experience on my continuing spiritual journey, I humbly share this recent lesson. I admit that I wasn’t aware of being motivated by anger and fear while doing what I did—which is true but sounds kind of lame.  And I certainly didn’t realize that my chosen approach came from the undesirable shadow part of me. But enough excuses, here is my story, you be the judge.

The desert heat was upon us in the southwestern part of the United States, and it was time to have my home’s twenty-five-year-old air-conditioning unit checked.  I called the warranty firm I’ve had for fourteen years, and they sent out two repairmen.  Normally I would simply direct the repairmen to the unit on the back patio. When they finished, I would listen with great interest as they indicated the unit was beyond repair and needed to be replaced and then they would quickly depart.  As a senior citizen, my hope for the past five years was always that the warranty company would agree with the diagnosis of their on-site experts and replace the unit before it died in the middle of a 120˚ heat wave. 

By now, I was pretty sure that the warranty group wasn’t going to replace any appliance until it had been on life-support for at least ten years or more, and only after resuscitation was impossible and the ensuing demise was accompanied by imploding and/or flooding – after which the jaws of life or a row boat would be brought in to remove the played-out appliance from the premises.

To be honest, it was fear that kept me renewing the warranty contract year after year.  I thought that the minute I failed to pay the annual invoice, I would hear a chorus of “death-rattles” from every major appliance I owned, plus crackles and rumbles from the electrical and plumbing systems.

When the repairmen arrived this time, I was frustrated, stressed and blamed the warranty company. I was also determined that these new on-site experts would know my concerns and tell me the true status of the air-conditioner, as well as what they would be reporting back to the insurance company. Evidently in my dramatic search for truth and justice I had channeled a combination of Mother Theresa and Meryl Streep and had done them both proud.

As a result, the repairmen spent more time checking out the unit than anyone had in years, which initially gave my ego a boost.  But instead of a sense of satisfaction, I started feeling uneasy and questioning myself.  I knew my cause was just, but did I over-dramatize it to influence their diagnosis? I realized immediately that the situation had been further altered when the repairmen sat down in my living room, and began sharing the facts of the situation, which turned out to be a step in the right direction.

They explained that they were sub-contractors for the warranty company and their loyalties and responsibilities were to them, not to me.  This included getting any future call-backs (business referrals) from the company, as well as them getting reimbursement for any expenses incurred beyond the service fee, which I paid. They didn’t have to explain the warranty company’s philosophy on repair vs. replacement.

I realized immediately that while I had legitimate concerns about my air-conditioner and the high desert temperatures, my error was in sharing this information with the repairmen and not the warranty company. 

After the repairmen left, I sat quietly with my embarrassment thinking it was due to not having all the facts and acting inappropriately. It soon became clear, however, that on a deeper level, my emotional response was because I acted from fear and anger, which was out of alignment with my soul. 

As I continued to reflect on this experience, I remembered that when we come from fear, the tendency is to try to manipulate others to make us feel better or to accomplish a selfish purpose, (ouch!) and that these actions are usually motivated by anger, blame, jealousy or vengeance, (ouch, again!) Conversely, and hopefully, when we come from love, we are authentic, honest, grateful, kind, sincere and straightforward. Then the outcome would most probably be positive and good for all.

For me, this incident was another lesson in how the Universe presents us with opportunities to grow in conscious awareness when we’re seeking to know ourselves and to understand how life really works.  The plan is to help us recognize the difference between choosing to come from love or from fear, and ultimately to create results only from love. This guileless approach enriches our lives, our relationships, and opens us to expressing as the truly powerful spiritual beings we were born to be.

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Copyright © 2011 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World”; and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

When You tell Your Negative Thoughts, "You're Not the Boss of Me," Anything Is Possible

Like many others I need to be reminded, evidently often, that I can give myself permission to allow good into my life. Earlier this year, I spent several months feeling not quite myself, but all the tests came back clear and didn’t point to a specific problem.  This was good, I thought, because nothing was seriously wrong, but I still felt “poorly” as my mother would say. This continued until I mentioned my malady to a metaphysical friend.  She looked straight into my eyes and stated firmly, “You are seeing yourself as sick.  You need to immediately change that thought and focus on visualizing yourself as healthy, happy and filled with energy.”  I started doing that, and realized that in shifting my negative focus to a positive one, it energized me, which stimulates the immune system and supports healing.

The concept of changing my thinking to change my life certainly wasn’t new to me.  But this incident left me wondering why I still don’t automatically remember what I should do as soon as I find myself stuck in another undesirable life situation. I immediately recalled another similar incident. I was in a Dream Builder class, and the dream that was coming into my mind was much bigger than I expected. I soon started to wonder why I ever thought that such a large dream was possible for me. I asked for a private session with the facilitator and told her my concerns.  When I was finished sharing my story, she said, “You can have it any way you want.”

My body’s energy response to her statement is seared in my mind.  It was quick and strong and flashed through me like a wave of electricity.  I knew instantly at the core of my being that her statement was absolutely true.  The only limitations on my life are those I place on myself through my own thinking.  What an exhilarating, exciting and wonderful truth. And the best news is that we are born with this gift and when we can control our thoughts, anything is possible. 

Obviously I can still get caught up in life and need to be reminded that I have the power within me to create my life by design or default. After giving it some thought, I realized that when I get caught up in a situation and experience fear, my energy takes a nose dive. When that happens, I give up control of my life, take on the victim role and am reduced to accepting whatever life delivers.  It wasn’t until I confided “my problem” to someone who could stand in truth for me that I remembered I was capable of moving beyond the collective consciousness and reclaimed my power.

Be assured that I am exquisitely sensitive to the fact that it isn’t easy to be in control of our thoughts even some of the time, let alone all the time, but it is certainly worth the effort. I firmly believe what Jesus taught during his time on Earth: It is done unto us as we believe.

Thanks to many of today’s visionaries and authors, and Oprah’s efforts, this concept is now being put to the test by many people around the world.  Some have done the "impossible" simply because they believed it was possible and never allowed limitations to stop them. We read about their stories or see them on television all the time.

So, I ask, why not you and me? To that end, I have adopted from a friend’s young grandson a powerful words-to-live-by motto.  This wise-beyond-his-years youngster was being urged by his frustrated family to admit he was losing in a seemingly never-ending board game.  At one point, he took a break, then got up and walked around.  They asked him again, hopefully, “Do you give up?”  He uttered these words of wisdom:  I never give up and I never give in, but sometimes I take a rest.  I didn’t ask my friend if he ever gave up. I smiled and chose to think that he didn’t, but the others did.

Here are some of the positive affirmative thoughts that I now use to support myself:  The power of Spirit is within me. It is creative and knows no limitation.  I never allow my earthly mind to cramp my thinking or restrict my vision. I know it is done unto me as I believe—and, I never give up and I never give in, but sometimes I take a rest.

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Copyright © 2011 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World”; and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Wanted -- But Never Found: A Magic Wand to Heal Our Lives

Recently someone who knows my story of working with and resolving some of my own undesirable childhood memories turned to me for help with hers. She had already spent a lot of time and money on a variety of options, including psychoanalysis, prescription drugs, self-hypnosis and even, she said, a session with Dr. Phil. She’s frustrated, emotionally drained and bored with “staring at her navel,” not to mention financially challenged.  Yet she still yearns to find a quick-fix solution and be free to live the life she desires.

Many of us can relate to my friend and her understandable but unrealistic hope for a magical solution. I remember when overwhelming life events sent me searching for first-person accounts of how others turned their lives around.  I read every book I thought might help. The ones that really spoke to me were about experiences that included instant heightened conscious awareness, which fit my desperately hopeful time frame and sounded great. The authors’ life-changing experiences were as mystical and varied as a black butterfly landing on a man’s forehead; a deceased spiritual sage manifesting in human form and delivering a message to a woman in a museum; a feather appearing miraculously where there was none, and a library book jumping off the shelf and falling open to the exact passage that when read by the individual resulted in an increase in conscious awareness that allowed him to create a better life. 

While those examples may seem fantastical, I believe such experiences are more prevalent than we realize and imminently possible. It doesn’t take a genius to know that at any given time on Earth the level of conscious awareness among human beings ranges anywhere from ground level to cosmic.  For example, in the past it appears there were usually a rare few individuals that came in with fully developed abilities that enabled them to effortlessly – it seems to us – fulfill their purpose and make a dramatic difference in the world. These well-known genius giants include Einstein, da Vinci, Galileo, Jefferson, Jesus, Michelangelo and Mozart.  Then there were the rest of us.

Since my own life experiences included events that directly affected my three children’s lives, such as divorce, an extremely challenging financial situation, and no career, I was desperate to discover how to become a victor instead of a victim. It took me a long time to realize that the path to do this and the solutions would not come easily or quickly.  In my late thirties, I finally was led to the book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay, and this answered many of my questions and gave me practical information to help create a better life for me and my family.

Naturally, I had hoped that the path to higher consciousness would be easy and simple, and even more important—quick. It wasn’t and still isn’t. But the good that fills my life now echoes the promise made by the courageous souls who have trod this same path and chose to share their experiences.

Now I know that, just like my friend, each individual’s journey is unique for them, and no one else can dictate it or do it for us. So while it is possible to be inspired by the experiences, insights and techniques used by others, myself included—in the final analysis it is an  inside, do-it-yourself job.

This means at some point going within and finding out who we are and what it truly means to be alive.  Meditation is known as the highway to conscious awareness, as it enables us to connect with the sanctuary of unconditional love, peace, wisdom and guidance within us and that is the heart’s desire of every human being.  When an individual goes within and consistently seeks this connection, a spontaneous process is set in motion that knows the path, pace and timing of each human being’s individualized journey to God-Good.

When I asked my friend if she meditated or spent any time reflecting on her life, her eyes rolled back in her head.  It was obvious she was still seeking instant resolution by external means. I wanted to say to her, but didn’t, that increased conscious awareness isn’t something zapped on us from an outside source; it has to happen through us with our full knowledge and agreement. This is where true healing takes place.

I did gently suggest she think about the decades-long pain of unhealed memories from childhood as a message from her inner guidance and that at some point she might want to turn within and ask for help. I also offered some practical techniques on my Web page that might speak to her, including such “How-to Lists” as: Connect with God; Fulfill Your Potential (Clear Now and Create the Life You Desire), and Realize Your Heart’s Desires. 

Now I realize that the plan has always been for every human being, at some point in their evolution, to open to this natural connection with the unconditional Love, Intelligence, Peace, God within us. We are meant to have help on our journey and the challenges in life are to nudge us back to our center, to our source.  When we turn within and ask, this is where our true life journey begins—and we realize the magic really is in us.

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Copyright © 2011 Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Nonfiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World”; and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” are available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.