A Friend Remembers Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on the 10th Anniversary of Her Death – The Woman Behind the Iconic Image

There are no accidents, everything in life happens for a positive reason.                                         ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D

When fate and fame elevate someone to international icon status, that person is often not just idealized and idolized, but dehumanized as well.  That is what happened to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the Swiss-born physician whose book “On Death and Dying” stunned the world in 1969 with a new way of looking at how we treat the end of life.

At a time when women were not common on the world stage, Elisabeth was portrayed at times as a driven, over-confident, outspoken, irascible, hard-to-get-along-with, stubborn, witchy-bitchy, out-there woman.  Probably, if she had been a man and was doing the same job in the same way, he would have been admired and praised for his pit-bull tenacity, his intractable fierceness in never giving up or giving in.

But I knew a different Elisabeth, a vulnerable elderly woman, facing the last decade of her life out of the limelight.  These were the quiet years, the international honors and awards were all bestowed, there were no more public events where she held thousands spellbound, and all the controversies were muted.  Still the years of intense stress had taken their toll on her health, and already in a wheelchair, she retired in 1995 to Arizona where her son lived and where I also lived.

Elisabeth was good friends with the physician who established the Arizona-based foundation I directed, and when invited to be a member of the Advisory Board, she graciously accepted.  I was her contact, and we worked together for several years.  Although it was strictly professional, we enjoyed each other’s company and laughed a lot.   While she seemed drawn to me, and wanted to be friends, I resisted because I was born a highly-sensitive introvert – and I knew my limits for the kind of drama Elisabeth was capable of generating around her.

When I left the foundation in 1999 – to be with my beloved husband who was in an extended death process – I made a courtesy telephone call to honor her and to say goodbye.  She asked, “When are you coming out to see me?”  I politely explained that I no longer had a business reason to do that.  She countered with, “What does that have to do with anything?”  She called me at home once a week for a month – it touched my heart and I decided to give an ongoing friendship with this formidable woman a try.

I realized after a few visits that Elisabeth was lonely and needed a friend, and although I didn’t know it at that time, I did too.  I think what we valued in each other was our commitment to speaking our truth, and the fact that we were each spiritual seekers who were working on learning patience and how to love and be good to ourselves.

Several times a month for about five years I drove to Elisabeth’s house to share the civilized ritual of “taking tea,” which was synonymous with having a visit with her.  I learned her favorite delicacies and loved seeing her face light up with delight when I delivered them.

What mattered to me was that she seemed to enjoy my company, as I did hers.  Plus she trusted me, and I was humbled and protective of that.

I discovered that Elisabeth could find humor in any situation.  Once when she was in a rehab facility, recuperating from a fall, she asked me to hold a large glass of ice-cold lemonade so that she could drink from the straw.  We were doing okay until she waved her arm and hit the glass, spilling its contents on her chest.  She was so sensitive to cold, she let out a shriek.  When I asked God for forgiveness for failing to prevent the accident, she laughed uncontrollably and finally sucked in a breath and said, “He’s enjoying it, too!”  I was finally able to laugh, and we spent the rest of the visit embraced in carefree frivolity.

The greatest gift of Elisabeth’s life was the two young granddaughters who adored her, Sylvia and Emma.  When I shopped for my grandchildren, I often bought gifts for Elisabeth to send to hers, which brought out the child in her.  I connected the incredible love she lavished on these two, with the fact that she was born one of a set of triplets and never received the individual love and attention she desired.  I could relate because I was the seventh of 10 children.

I recall including Elisabeth at an afternoon tea in the desert, with some women friends of mine.  Elisabeth was surprisingly quiet as the others chatted away.  Later, she told me that this was the only time in her life that she had experienced such a gathering, just women getting together and having fun.   There was nothing to be “accomplished,” and no one needed anything from her.  She could just relax and enjoy.

When Elisabeth discovered my husband’s critical condition, she began subtly guiding us through it.  First she suggested that I start a journal of our experiences.  I did.  Much later she recommended that I write a book about what we went through and how we handled it.  I did.  She gave it her highest commendation: “This is not phony baloney.”  Now I realize fully that her influence led me to find my life purpose and strengthened me to actually live it.

While writing a tribute for Elisabeth’s memorial service in August of 2004, I yearned for a way to honor her that would be ongoing and could be shared with those who knew her only through the media.  The result was a book of tributes, “Tea with Elisabeth,” which was published in 2009.  The 51 contributors included bestselling authors, celebrities, hospice leaders, colleagues, family and friends.  Their memories bring to life the colorful human side of this tiny woman who became a global force for change, and yet who was so wonderfully, beautifully, painfully human.

♥♥♥

_______________________________________                                                            Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch                                                                     

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life in An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Make Peace With Your Past and It Won't Sabotage Your Present

   

 I’m pursuing a path of love because it helps me forgive myself and others.          

                                                     ~Fern Stewart Welch

  Sometime ago I learned my offspring were planning a dinner party to celebrate my 80^th birthday.  I was awestruck and a little nervous.  While it seemed a lovely idea; I thought the odds of getting everyone together were slim.  If you have followed any part of my almost eight-year commitment to writing about growing through life instead of just going through it, you know two things:  First, that I bare the rawest places in my heart and psyche to share the insights that I gain to help others create better lives; and second, my family was ripped apart by a divorce that happened decades ago and like many other modern-day families, we are still coping with the consequences.  We have wounds that are not fully healed, and lessons not fully learned.  

What I hug to my heart, however, is that each adult offspring has survived, and prospered in their lives, thank you God.

In looking back over what was the greatest regret of my life, it is hands-down the breakup of my first marriage and the fractured relationships that resulted. I realize now that the energy behind the memories of what we all experienced decades ago has probably lessened somewhat just by the passage of years, yet my uncertainty at even the idea of us all being together at one time let me know I still hold some energy around the upcoming event.  I’m sure this is probably true for some of my family members also.

Although I had dreamed of and prayed constantly for not just a reunion of my family, but a true healing for everyone, I fully realized the difference between my time and God’s time, which also includes the right time for everyone concerned.  I had gradually accepted that an encompassing expression of family unity wasn’t likely to happen in my lifetime.

At first the planned family event didn’t seem to be having a strong effect on me.  Then after a week or so, I began to feel the unresolved emotional energy that had been repressed and suppressed for decades beginning to pop up. 

I soon recognized that I was facing a “come to Jesus” time with my own inner stuff.  Evidently this family gathering, which had been the desire of my life for so many years, was shaking up some energies within me that were desperate to break free, be acknowledged, healed and released.

In my over-active imagination, a coming together with all my adult children and their families seemed fraught with less-than-desirable possibilities.  For a micro-second I even thought about bowing out of the event, and in a low moment, I tentatively mentioned backing out to my daughter (also at times my mother-figure), and she came back with a spiritual truth that brought that train of thought to a screeching halt.  She said, “Remember your own words: If you’re the one hurting, it’s your problem.”  Ouch, she was right.

Even at that point, though, the low-level thoughts and feelings were still strong enough to cause me to go within and seek help from my inner guidance.  I knew from years of inner work that the energy attached to my “swallowed-down” feelings had to be fully experienced to allow a healing to take place.  I fulfilled that directive by bringing the suppressed energy-emotions to the surface and releasing them.  I immediately felt a new-found peace at the core of my being.  Then I was directed to do the following:

Ask yourself the following questions and answer from the Truth at the core of your being:

·         What is your greatest life sadness?

·         The breakup of my first marriage, and the fractured family that resulted.

·         What did you learn from that experience?

·         I learned from the heartbreak of divorce, and the pain and suffering of our children, the true meaning of love.

·       

             How did your children fare during this upheaval?

·         Not well.  I thank God they’re alive, and are now stronger than ever by overcoming such challenges and choosing to grow through them and become wiser and more conscious and aware human beings.

·         What do you “owe” your offspring?  And yourself?  

F     For my offspring, I owe automatic forgiveness for any behavior they presented over the decades that was  The only way they knew to cope with such a huge life trauma.  As for myself, I sought forgiveness via the spiritual path and found some inner peace by remembering that I did the best I could with my then-conscious awareness.  I did the one thing I was capable of doing, loving them as unconditionally as I was equipped to do.  I couldn’t save them or eliminate the hurt.  I just loved them to the best of my ability. 

(The current life lesson I’m focusing on is self-love.  I realize now that the more I love myself in a healthy way, the more I am able to love others healthfully.) 

·         At this point I had my own question:  How can I hold any undesirable emotions that might pop up in check?  

      The answer was: By being open to receiving love.  
       (This insight-lesson seems three-fold: I need to forgive, heal and release past memories. 

·         This increases my level of self-love so that I could rise above the energies that cause me to focus on my hurts.  Instead I felt strong compassion for my offspring based on what they might still be experiencing.  This conscious awakening that is stirred up then begins to right any imbalances in giving and receiving, which allows opening to receiving love.)    

·         My next question was how do I anchor in this awakening and access it at the event and open to receiving love? 
      The answer was:  “Simply say, thank you for coming to every adult in attendance.  They are honoring you and their own soul-growth by being there.  You deserve this and they do, too.  Be loving kindness.  Be the real you that you came in to be.  Rejoice.  Be glad.”

As the days passed, I spent a lot of time working on myself and reviewing the directives I received from my inner guidance.  I had already experienced several powerful energy-release sessions, accompanied by intense chest-heaving emotion and heart-wrenching tears.  Also during a pre-birthday lunch date with a long-time friend and spiritual confidante, we talked a lot about how positive affirmations, directed prayers and forgiveness work had proven powerful in our lives.  As I left the restaurant with my friend, I felt my heart opening, and I knew a healing was happening within me.

Not only did I feel it physically, I felt it emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Instead of focusing on myself and my fears and foibles, I was now able to come from a place of clarity within that was free of the negative past memories that blocked having a healthy loving relationship with myself, my offspring and their families.

With that positive thought before me and a new perspective on not allowing the past to spoil my present and the future, I wrote out the following directed prayer that I would repeat daily to take us through the upcoming event and beyond:

I claim that the Divine White Light of the Christ

And the Golden Light of God’s Grace

Guides our family into Divine Right Action in every aspect of our lives.

♥♥♥♥♥  While I recognized several days before the birthday party that all my concerns were gone, I had no idea the family gathering would provide another level of insight.  At the event, I did exactly as my inner guidance directed, and soon realized I was grounded in a cocoon of gentle joy, love and peace.  For a brief, yet significant time, I was aware of a bliss within, and wondered if this is what Heaven on Earth feels like.  The evening was marked for me also by it’s easy moment-to-moment unfolding.

On the drive home, I knew I wanted to hold onto the experience. I spent the following days in quiet contemplation, savoring the experience and being grateful for my family, the gift of life, and the opportunity to be a better me.

The lesson I learned is that no matter how long we’ve prayed and worked on making peace with the past, if we are still “bothered” by energies that pop up and upset us—we still have some inner work to do.  The truth is that when we choose to heal and release the past, we free ourselves to live in the moment, to choose healthy ways to love, and to create the lives we truly desire.  ♥♥♥♥♥

FYI:  If you or someone you know truly desires to choose forgiveness to release the past, try the following.  First, make the conscious choice to forgive yourself and others.  Be patient and work with the following technique, which has served me well:

I freely and wholly forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me, to me, or to ___________, or anyone else, past or present.  I freely and wholly forgive ___________, or anyone else for any real or imagined wrongs done to me, past or present.

I AM FREE.  THEY ARE FREE.  And So It Is.

Copyright © 2014 Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008); are all available at  Amazon.con, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Putting Yourself First May Be the Best – and Most Unselfish – Thing You Can Do

 You, yourself, more than anyone else in the Universe deserve your love and affection. ~ Buddha?

I used to wonder who decided that I was to be a giver instead of a receiver in this life. Well, now I know. I myself made that decision, and I was all of 10 years of age at the time. As young as I was, it seems I had come to a decisive point in my life. I realized I was a conscious, thinking human being, and was searching for something that would lift me up and beyond my current circumstances to a more desired life. At first, I tried finding what I was looking for by visiting some of the churches near our house, but found that their messages of “hell-fire and brimstone” were not what my heart and soul sought. I realized fully that the situation in my birth family figured in my quest also, as I was the seventh of 10 children and was born a highly-sensitive introvert. I yearned for the individual attention, guidance, and love my life was missing, and which was an impossibility in such a large family.

 The decision I made in an innocent Mother Teresa-moment was to choose the path of love and to always give priority to the needs of others (primarily my family members) instead of selfishly focusing on myself. Then I would receive back what I so sorely desired. Being a voracious reader, including books on family issues, I thought I knew how to help fulfill my needs and benefit others. For a time I focused extra attention and caring on my parents and siblings, but it made no difference in the lack of attention or acceptance I felt.

 So I extended my attention beyond the family and discovered that the responses to my selfless-do-gooder actions were beginning to make a difference in my life. It started when Miss Rule, the elementary school librarian, took me under her tutelage and I became her number-one assistant, which was a boost to my self-esteem. Something obviously shifted in the “little me,” for each teacher throughout eighth grade, responded to me in ways that were a balm to my heart and I wanted more of the wonderful feel-good feelings. Those positive feelings were so strong that I remained on the path I had chosen, unaware – or not caring – that I often ignored any preferences or needs of my own to help others.

As a grownup, once I began to focus on the lesson of self-love, which is invaluable to a balanced and happy life, it was clear that some childhood conclusions – like mine – can be the source of poor life decisions, less than healthy relationships, and an unfulfilled life. I realized that my immature decision to put others first no matter what the situation was – needed to be reexamined by a mature adult. And I was the only one who could do it.

What I discovered – became fully conscious of – was that this childhood decision was the source of active conflict in my adult life for at least a decade. It started with the publishing of my books and realizing that in addition to being a highly-sensitive introvert, I had become a spiritual contemplative. This meant that I had no interest in pursuing fame or fortune. I just wanted to follow my chosen path and to fulfill my life purpose – which is to continue growing through life instead of just going through it – and sharing the insights I gained to help others create better lives. I’m in the process of learning to balance self-love with loving and releasing others to their own destinies, and with my background this is a tall order and will take time.

The more I realized that I had been controlled by that subconscious order to always help others, the more I recognized that while some of the “motherly” things I had done through the years may have been truly love-based and healthy, some were not. Sometimes the others involved could have resolved their own challenges and learned vital life lessons, and sometimes my involvement could have been simply an unnecessary interference and probably caused emotional stress for all concerned. Now I’m beginning to experience a feeling of peace and wholeness when my actions come only from love and are positive for all concerned, and a feeling of emptiness and sadness when I realized they are ego-based and come largely from a long-term habit.

I’ve known for a long time that everything in life happens for a reason, and we’re here on Earth to learn the lessons that present themselves. For example I learned a long time ago, after having three children of my own, that there’s no way I could have fulfilled all the individual needs and desires of the 10 children my parents had. Who could? I’m sure that as parents, beyond providing a child’s basic need for shelter, food and love, it is part of the curriculum in Earth school to choose to use what challenges/opportunities life delivers us to fuel our unique life journey. The more challenging our circumstances have been, the greater the gift in overcoming the past.

 I also realize fully that everything that happened in my childhood, including the directive to choose the path of love, is what fueled me to continue on the spiritual path. That decision eventually led me to finding my life purpose, and now the opportunity to open more fully to it. I also recognize how vital self-love is in creating the lives we desire and deserve. And for those insights I bless everything that ever happened in my life for they have brought me more joy and happiness than I ever dreamed possible. Thank you, God. I have no complaints.

 Now that old directive has been replaced by a new one – to be a loving, benevolent “bystander” for those I care about. I will be there when they truly need me, and ask me, and I will remain free to focus on my own soul-growth. This requires conscious commitment, discipline and awareness every single day. It also means I continue working on loving myself so that my level of self-love is at a high level. This keeps me healthy and happy, and any decisions I make are based on selfless-love that benefits all concerned.

Helping others is a blessed life goal, but I’ve learned how important it is to put our own oxygen mask on first, because if our needs are not met, we have little or no ability to help others.

Whenever I fail, or when I doubt, or when I’m down – I remain kind and loving to myself. 

 10 Easy-Peas-y Ways to Build Self-Love, Self-Compassion and a Happy Life

 BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.

Write down what your “self talk” says about you. If it’s critical, change it to loving words.

Write out a list of your best qualities, life gifts, abilities and look at it often.

 Look in the mirror each day, lock eyes and say I love you – continue until you can feel comfortable and filled with self-love.

 Forgive yourself, others, release the past, and live in the moment.

 Set boundaries and say no to anyone or anything that does not align with your core values, your heart and soul desires, and your highest and best good.

 Meet challenges by going within and asking your inner guidance to tell you the lesson you are to learn. Don’t give up. You already know the answer.

 Meditate. Go within to experience the bliss and deep inner peace within us. Conscious awareness is inherent in this process. You will soon recognize and release old patterns and behaviors and transform your life experience. (See Meditation Made Easy in my Spiritual Warrior book.)

 Say each day with passion: I Am God’s Magnificent Vessel of Greatness!

 Repeat often during challenging times: There is an opportunity in this to learn a lesson. Thanks. Everything happens for my good (eventually) and I’m going to be gentle, kind and loving to myself every day.

____________________________________

Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch 

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008), and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes &I Noble.

Shhh, Your Body May Be Talking to You, So Pay Attention ... I Did and Learned a Valuable Lesson in Speaking My Truth

“Proclaim your truth and do not be silenced by fear.”  ~Catherine of Siena

Normally I face the lessons of life one at a time – and that’s always been more than enough to deal with and still recognize insights gained, and to make them a positive part of my life.  But a recent serious and scary medical-dental diagnosis taught me two very important things.  First, our bodies try all the time to tell us important things that are going on, and we need to pay attention to them so that we can act upon any problems  Second, even when we are actively listening, we’re sometimes blocked from taking positive action because of the decisions we’ve made earlier in life.  

Until recently, I had no idea that I wasn’t in full charge of my life, or that I had let some childhood events and memories result in decisions that were still directing and affecting my health.  What I discovered is that as adults – decades later – those decisions may prove to be not wise, in our best interest or for our highest and best good.  What we normally do is continue going on our not-so-merry way, still acting on those old “orders,” until life delivers us a wake-up call.

After I got my medical-dental wake-up call, here’s what popped up for me from my subconscious.  I was in second grade and because my teeth were prone to decay, I had a monthly dental appointment that continued until every tooth had a filling.  The dentist’s name rhymed with killer, so we kids called him Dr. Killer because every tool he used on us was scary and sharp or sounded like a jackhammer.  

At each appointment, by the time my name was called to go in, my imagination had done its worst and I was a bundle of anxiety.  I was desperate to get out and would keep trying to slip away from the dentist’s grasp.  He had no choice but to try to get me back in the chair.  He always won because his last resort was, “Shall I call in your parents?”  I blamed myself for my dental health and never once complained to my parents, or told anyone else about my crippling fear and faulty teeth.

Several years later my parents took me to see a specialist to find out what could be done to help me.  The young dentist took a brief  look at all the shiny fillings and said, “She won’t have any teeth by the time she’s 35-years old.”

I promised myself right then that when I grew up I would always go to a dentist at least twice a year and do everything they advised.  I was determined to keep as many of my teeth as possible and prove the young dentist wrong.

Knowing what I know now as a senior citizen, I realize that I was just one of millions of youngsters who were introduced to dentistry way back when, and it wasn’t a walk in the park.  I don’t know if novocaine was in existence then, but my dentist never used it.  As a result of being so young and emotionally vulnerable, it felt like torture, and left many of us scarred and fearful of dentists for life.

Fortunately as a young adult I chose dentists recommended by my primary care physicians, and this enabled me to make it through the past decades with only some minor procedures, and a permanent bridge that I thought would outlast me.  At my last mid-year checkup, however, I learned that this assumption might not be realistic.

After the cleaning, the dentist did a thorough checkup.  He looked surprised and said: “This is serious,” followed by a detailed list of dental conditions that would include losing the permanent bridge.  I was catapulted back to childhood for a few seconds and thought that the nightmare experience that had haunted me throughout my early years was about to become a reality.

Since I had seen the dentist six months ago and had no prior hint of any problems, I was particularly stunned.  A part of me wanted to ask, “Are you sure?”  But all the eight-year old in me could manage was to ask if he could help me.  I could tell by the conflicting expressions on his face that he wanted to help but wasn’t sure he could.  I hung onto a thought that drifted into my consciousness, “Maybe this is my wake-up call.”  Still a little shaken, I decided to give the situation some more thought and was determined not to act in haste or react from fear.

On my way home I blamed myself for ever eating anything with sugar in it, and for sometimes skipping flossing because I was too tired.  I also wondered about how all these conditions had happened in such a short time and without my noticing any pain or discomfort of any kind.

The more I thought about the latter, the more I knew it was time to go within and ask what my lesson was in this situation.  According to my inner guidance, it was time to release the fear of dentists and the shame of having flawed teeth.  Doing the release work would also free me to speak my truth – not only about my dental health but in other areas and aspects of my life.

Greatly heartened by that, I e-mailed my doctors and they responded quickly to advise me that almost every unusual malady over the past two years could be linked directly to the dental problems.  While I had been “listening” to my body, and sharing the ailments with my physicians – knowing nothing of any dental challenges at that time – so it never occurred to anyone to share them with my dentist.

With the support of my team of physicians, it took only a short time to settle into a proactive plan.  I had listened to my body – and now I was starting to speak up and take action.

One dentist I was consulting with about my situation went right for a question that he thought was the core of my dental problems.  He had seen my x-rays and the query was legitimate.  “Are you the type of patient who only seeks a dentist when the condition needs urgent care?”  Without a second thought the emotion welled up within me and with a powerful surge of energy I firmly and fearlessly did some more speaking up, sharing pent-up fear and shame that had been suppressed since childhood.

The doctor’s expression immediately changed from a business-as-usual approach to one of compassion.  He told me that it was unfortunate that this has been the common experience of so many senior citizens as well as their parents, and the result was usually that they were never able to overcome those early fears.  This caused many to steer clear of dentists until it was too late to save their teeth.  He explained that this was why he became a "space age" dentist.

He smiled and added, “As for your situation, let’s work together to restore your dental health.” I agreed.

By the time we ended our meeting, the dentist knew I had never broken my childhood promise to take better care of myself.  And I realized from his input that I had still been acting from decisions made in childhood about not sharing information with any dentist.  The fear back then was that it would work against me and I would require even more dental work.  I promised myself I would never make that mistake again.

The Good News is that I am committed to partnering with my current dentist, and he has already completed some of the preliminary procedures that are making it possible to replace the “permanent” bridge.  I am so grateful there was a choice available.  I’ve also learned from this experience that no matter what our challenge is, the key is to pay close attention to the messages our bodies give us when we’re out of balance.  This is a signal to speak up and take care of the problem.  We can also ask for clarification through a dream, or simply turn within and ask for guidance—then listen to it.

Naturally I also realize that the only reason I was able to face this serious situation as an adult is because I was finally aware enough to replace the “old” instructions of a well-meaning and brave little eight-year old (who I love dearly)—with those of a grownup.

 I claim that with God’s grace and loving kindness, I continue speaking my truth and living as the Real Me I was born to be.

__________________________________                                                                                                                                   

Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008) and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

The Doctor is Always In ... When We Help Heal Ourselves

    
  Healing comes from within. There is nothing mysterious or subtle about this process.  The subconscious mind simply directs the healing alpha brain waves to the  diseased cells.  I’ve seen it happen thousands of times.  All it takes is faith, fortitude and an open mind. 

  

         ~Gladys T. McGarey, M.D., M.D.(H), author of “The Physician Within You.”

“Physician, heal thyself." Through the years, I've heard that a lot from my former personal physician and now life-coach, Dr. McGarey – the godmother of holistic medicine in America – who at age 93 lives an active life and is prescription free.  But most recently I’ve heard it from my inner guidance.  A while ago, it was in response to asking what I needed to learn concerning a family relationship. At the time, I understood that admonition to mean that I had more inner work to do to continue healing and releasing false beliefs and life patterns that created my resistance to healthy relationships in the first place.

But a series of recently experienced medical-dental problems caused me to take that message literally.  When I asked my inner guidance for help, I got the now familiar answer, “Physician, heal thyself.” After I checked in with Dr. Gladys, she added that it was certainly possible that the dental challenge was also the cause of a number of the maladies I had been experiencing.

It took me a week to settle down and let go of blaming myself for ever eating sugar or ever thinking I was too tired to floss.  When I finally finished venting, I remembered that everything happens to us for a reason, and I knew it was time to start accepting what is and to turn my thoughts to what I could do about the condition. 

That’s when it began to dawn on me that this challenge was the beginning of a major lesson.   Part of my spiritual philosophy includes the belief that we can heal ourselves by aligning with the God-power within us and putting our faith where our mouth is – so to speak. 

I was so grateful that the first thoughts that popped into my mind were positive.  I recalled the accounts in Dr. Gladys’ book and in conversations with her patients that included wonderful healing stories and they happened to ordinary human beings, just like me.  These were followed by realizing that I wasn’t going to commit to any specific medical-dental treatment until I investigated all the options, which meant I was taking responsibility for the decision-making process before me. I was being "the physician."

When I asked my guidance for more details, I was reminded that I have been working for a long time on owning the belief that in aligning myself with the God-energy within me, my word is in alignment with the natural Law of Mind.  This means thoughts are things and what we focus on (positive or negative) – tend to manifest in our lives.  This is true, but I never truly thought I would be put to the test and asked to live it – again and again. My full belief is that the more I grow from trust to complete faith in this energy/power that is in everyone and everything, the more I am capable of healing my current health problems, and helping others learn to do the same.

At that point I remembered what someone told me years ago about the difference between hope, trust and faith.  He used this visualization to cement the difference in my mind:  I was to close my eyes and imagine myself watching a daring and dangerous high-wire act, in which a man is going to push a wheelbarrow across the wire to the other side of the huge tent … without a net.  I hoped and trusted that the man would be successful; after all he was a professional.  Then my friend leaned in close and said, “Faith is getting in the wheelbarrow.”  I felt the difference viscerally.

According to my inner guidance, I am ready to move from trust to faith, and I knew from experience that I would be guided and supported every step of the way.   Further recommendations were to:  1) Set my intention to help heal myself, and to claim that daily as often as possible, 2) follow my doctors’ recommendations about taking proactive steps to begin healing any inflammation or infection, and 3) to continue my healthy nutritional routine, and exercise program, which will assist the healing on a cellular level.

But in fairness, I must share the flip side of my proactive outlook.  Negative thoughts did come up, but they were not as long-lasting or as strong as those in the past.  Evidently my many years of inner work have helped me heal some of the energy within me that fostered feelings of being unworthy, undeserving and unlovable. 

My first negative thoughts were: Do I deserve this healing?  Do I fully believe and trust in my faith in a higher power?  Am I spiritually aware enough to seek such a big request from God? Should I have started with a lesser need?  Or should I have chosen first to seek a healing for someone else?

These negative thoughts were easily quelled by repeating some positive affirmations (directed prayers), and I was able to center myself rather quickly.  I also remembered that several months ago I had also asked for guidance to help me continue experiencing life on Earth so that I could fulfill my life purposes, potential and true heart and soul desires.  I was told that I would have to improve my diet and focus on foods that offered maximum nutrition, and to continue actively moving my body to maintain optimal health.  I was also to keep on with the inner work, and my daily spiritual practice, which includes seeking a closer connection with the Oneness-God.

I was fascinated when told by my inner guidance that there’s nothing to be healed – “… only the Truth to be revealed,” I think I understand what that means.  We are already perfect in Spirit, and when we can focus on elevating our thoughts to meet and rise above the energy level that produced the condition in the first place; that’s when the healing can happen.

At that point, we will naturally be moved to express heart-felt gratitude and to give thanks for the healing and for our faith, fortitude and open mind. 

This is an exciting opportunity to be part of my own healing.  Dr. Gladys taught me years ago that there is no healing without love.  Since I chose the path of love at age 10, I have become quite facile with loving and giving to others.  I’m thinking my lesson in this life adventure is to love myself – to fill any emptiness within me which strengthens my faith in me – thus enhancing  my desire to have life and to have it more abundantly.

As I align with the physician within, partner with my doctors, love myself, and support my body’s natural impulse to heal … I accept, allow and claim health, wholeness and joy. 

FYI: If you would like to connect with, “The Physician Within You,” go to Amazon.com and scoop up Dr. Gladys’ classic how-to book.   Here are just the brief titles of her 10 Commandments of Wholeness:  1) Be positive.  Give yourself something to live for; 2) Love yourself without being indulgent; 3) Be forgiving; 4) Keep your life balanced; 5) Take time to meditate and pray; 6) Listen to the messages from your body; 7) Look for humor and joy in every situation; 8) Breathe deeply; 9) Dream yourself to health, and 10) Know that healing comes from within.

__________________________________  
Copyright© 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch 

  

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction;  “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

                                                                                                    

                                               

Wah! Wah! Wah! Nobody Likes a Whiner … and It Doesn't Work Anyway

A positive outlook and an attitude of gratitude unlock the fullness of life.

                   ~Unknown

When I read the Caller ID, I had mixed feelings about answering the phone. I was writing and wanted to stay focused and in the zone.  Also, the caller was an old friend who contacted me only occasionally, and usually to ask for support during a life challenge.  But my heart softened and I picked up the phone, preparing myself to hear a litany of complaints about life in general – government  bureaucracy, the economy, world affairs, even the latest celebrity scandal – which in my view was the whiney part of his conversation that always came before his real reason for calling.  

Instead, he said, “Just checking in to see how you are,” and then went silent.  So what did I do?  I picked up the baton and did the Amalgamated Union of Complainers and Whiners – if there is one – proud. He was playing my role and I was playing his!

What was going on?  He was “the whiner,” not me.  Later, I realized that though I had never thought of myself as a complainer, perhaps I’d fallen into the habit without realizing it.  I'd certainly leapt at this opportunity.  But for as long as I could remember, thinking positively had been my motto and seeking information on how to live a better, more positive life was my goal.

I was already a voracious reader by the age of 10. Way back then, I spent most of my free days at the local library, and around that time I chose Norman Vincent Peale’s book “The Power of Positive Thinking” as my life pattern. I’m thinking that many of my generation did the same. 

What I was trying to figure out is why after all those years of believing in and seeking to live this preferred approach to life, I had succumbed to the now seemingly pandemic and socially acceptable culture of complaining – about everything.  Knowing the truisms that thoughts become things … and as we think, so we are, I considered this sudden jolt to my self-image as a message from my inner guidance that something needed fixing in my life, right now.  Simply stated, being a whiner or a complainer was not who I was or who I wanted to become.

I don’t get it.  Here we are one of the most fortunate countries in the world, and we’ve become a nation of complainers and whiners and criticizers.  I’ve dubbed this moaning, groaning, whimpering disease MRSA of the Mind, as so far there’s no magic bullet to heal that terribly infectious disease or humanity’s obsession with complaining.

When I went within and asked my inner guidance for the lesson I was to learn in this situation, the message/insight I received was: ‘Physician heal thyself.”  This admonition refers to our inner-healer self, which knows what we need emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually in order to live a balanced, healthy life.  In this instance the message had to do with some strong and unresolved energy that I held around two almost-lifelong issues I had recently placed in the “vault.”  This was because I had done daily inner work on them for almost a year, and realized it was time to take a break.

Obviously they were coming back again demanding my attention.   As I thought about my situation later I began to understand at least one of the reasons that we’ve become a nation of whiners, complainers, and criticizers.  When our own lives aren’t working the way we desire, which is what I was experiencing, we become angry and upset.  If we’re not aware that we’re really seeking an outlet to release our own suppressed stuff, it’s easy to jump on board the national pastime and vent some of our own pent-up-anger-energy.

 Actually, when I learned That There Was Still MORE Work To Do on Those Two Almost-Lifelong Issues, the energy I held around them was being expressed as disappointment and anger.  At that point, I slipped into spending precious moments of time on inane and stupid things—like criticizing the unlucky celebrity chosen to receive the brunt of America’s scorn, until being replaced the next week by another scapegoat.  It’s taken me many years to feel good enough about myself to allow others to see the Real Me, and I refuse to indulge in picking on others to make myself feel better. 

I recognized immediately that joining the masses to censure someone else’s behavior or lifestyle was a mind trick we choose to release our own pent-up anger and disappointments in life … and in the process, ignore our real life issues.  Choosing the witchy-bitchy-complaining and criticizing approach to life is taking the easy way out.  Instead, we can choose to turn within and clean up our own act, which isn’t always quick or easy—but it is the key to creating a better life.

Incidentally, I had no idea I was such a natural at complaining. That I could really get into it, enthusiastically.  My friend mumbled something about an incoming call and got off the phone as quickly as he could.

As I settled into working on those old issues once again, I acknowledged that when I have taken the time to go within and heal and release energies that no longer serve my highest and best good, then I can come from a more balanced state in all aspects of life.  This means I can differentiate between what is worth complaining and doing something about in my life, and also in the world – and what helps no one and isn’t worthy of my time or energy.

According to research scientists and millions of individuals, it’s a proven fact that a feeling of gratitude and positive thinking are keys to health, well-being, prosperity, a successful life and enhanced longevity. 

When we spend our lives complaining, it becomes a habit, and there’s no way we can come from a positive outlook or an attitude of gratitude.  This also means we have little control over our lives, because the thoughts we focus on determine what comes into our lives. I believe that when we’re grateful first for every good we’ve ever received,  including the gift of life – and we focus positive thoughts on receiving more good – only then will the universe deliver what we truly desire, which is more health, wealth, joy and happiness into our lives.

I claim that I embody and live each day - to the best of my ability – this affirmative prayer:

Thank you for everything, God.  I have no complaints whatsoever!

FYI: If you’re stuck in the mode of complaining because the world isn’t meeting your dreams and desires, and you want to break free and change your life.  Here are five easy and simple steps to help you attain and maintain an attitude of gratitude, which is the basis of a positive outlook: 

#1 Keep a daily Gratitude Journal, yes, just like Oprah does.  It will change your life.

#2 Look for opportunities to be grateful in your life, no matter what happens. There are no mistakes, everything happens for a reason.  We’re here to learn lessons and the bigger the challenge the greater the gift in it.  Even pain can open us to a new level of understanding.  Bless everything and everyone.

#3 Share your Gratitude with family and friends, and encourage others to do the same.

#4 Take a Gratitude Walk, and be fully present. Really look at the sky, the clouds, and the trees and hear the twittering of the birds.  Be grateful for everything you feel, hear and see, and embrace it with heart-felt intensity, and then bless Mother Earth for providing such a beautiful home for us.

#5 Sit quietly before you go to bed at night, go within and count your blessing for the day; really dig deep and FEEL the heart-lifting, soul-soothing, celebratory effect this has on you.  You will sleep better also.

__________________________________

Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction;  “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.