Monday, October 25, 2010

On Becoming a Human-Being Instead of a Human-Doing

It wasn’t until my late husband became critically ill and I left the corporate world a decade ago to care for him that I became aware that for most of my life I had been a human-doing instead of a human-being.

The realization didn’t come quickly. For a long time I was so overwhelmed by all the challenges before me that I threw myself into activities that consumed the hours and days of my life. Evidently the strong work ethic I learned from my birth-family translated into feeling worthy only when I was fully engaged in doing something. The busyness also served to keep me from ever questioning how I was living my life, if it was working for me—and if not, why not?

When my husband’s health challenges became so serious that he had to be placed in a 24-hour care environment, the situation changed dramatically. I had released a number of external commitments in order to care for him, and for the first time in my adult life I found myself relatively free. The freedom proved unsettling. Not only did I desperately need to come to grips with the emotional situation with my husband, I needed to come to peace with what all of this would mean to my future life. After trying unsuccessfully to resolve the situation on my own through my usual direct-action efforts, I realized I didn’t know what to do. I felt helpless.

The time had come when I had to stop all the doing and turn within for answers. I was faced with the biggest challenge to my own peace of mind and sense of well- being—me. Or more accurately, the sum total of mental and emotional baggage that lived within me and that had determined my actions, inactions, thoughts, decisions and non-decisions my entire life.

I had an established daily routine of meditating, journaling and affirmative prayer, but because the job and then my husband’s situation took priority over my needs, the time I spent within was determined by those demands. Now I could spend as much time as desired.

My well-honed and single-eyed approach did prove beneficial in this instance. After months of this inner focus, I began to feel a sense of peace. For the first time in my life I was content spending time within. The meditation helped to discipline my racing “monkey-mind.” Gradually my mind opened to a deeper awareness of life and awakened me to my self, others and the eternal and sublime energy that is within each of us and everything in the universe, which we call God. I was realizing some balance in my life, which brought greater clarity to my thought processes and a growing ability to manage my emotional state. When I opened to loving myself, I became aware that my ability to love others in an unselfish and healthier way was greatly enhanced.

I discovered that meditation is a path to inner peace, as it enables us to connect with the sanctuary of unconditional love, guidance and support within that is the heart desire of every conscious person on Earth.

In this process I became a human-being instead of a human-doing. I no longer judged my worth or my life by what I do. By learning to live an inner-directed life, rather than seeking meaning outside myself, I know that whatever activity I engage in will be meaningful and purposeful.

There is a new-found peace and contentment at the core of my being, a sustained sense of well-being and happiness—no matter what conditions or situations arise. I am no longer driven to do. I allow myself to be.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch - This is one of the author's most requested essays.

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World” and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within” are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, bookstore chains, such as Barnes & Noble, Borders and Inner Visions Bookstore, and to the trade from Ingram Book Co., Baker & Taylor and other wholesalers.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Simple Joys of Nature's Seasons

In the desert where I live, triple-digit temperatures are finally beginning to drop during the daytime, and this means our fall is almost here. I have been doing some re-potting and planting of flowers in my small patio garden and am once again feeling the joy of being in harmony with nature.

I realize that many people are city dwellers today, and seldom think of the importance of nature in our lives. The tendency is to get caught up in the fast pace of life and forget what it feels like to connect with the Earth, feel the soil in our hands and participate in the natural cycles of life.

Still, I believe that we all share a primal response when we notice that nature is shifting into another seasonal change. It may be the falling leaves and a slight chill in the air, or in some areas the first snowfall, but for that fleeting moment we are reconnected to the Earth and grounded in the truth that we are one with everyone and everything on this planet.

While I have lived in the desert long enough to get used to just two seasons, hot and not so hot, there are definitely some rewards. In addition to giving relatives who live in more frigid zones a difficult time by announcing the balmy shirt-sleeve temperatures we enjoy on some of their coldest days, we can wear the same type of clothing year round.

Even though my family moved to the desert when I was a pre-teen, some of my most cherished memories are of winters in St. Louis, where the climate changes were definitely less subtle. For instance, I remember once as a young child I awakened before anyone else in my family with a heightened sense of excitement. And sure enough when I ran to the window and checked, there was the first snow of the season and it was so brilliantly white that in the light it seemed to be sprinkled with jewels. I also didn’t miss the fact that it looked at least six to eight inches deep.

Without another thought I grabbed my coat and quietly left the house barefoot and in what was surely a state of childhood bliss. There was not another footprint anywhere in sight. I ran to the end of our block one way and then to the other with an intention of being the first person to leave footprints in this magical gift. I believe that in marking the occasion in this way, I was paying homage to the blessedness of this natural event, as well as a child’s way of joyously welcoming another opportunity to have fun.

And fun we did have. When we weren’t in school, there were the special days of going with my older brothers to Lafayette Park and sailing down the hillsides on our sturdy wooden sleds, which they masterfully guided. On regular days, we younger kids satisfied our desire to drain every last bit of joy from the snow by building forts and having day-long snowball fights, interrupted only by the need to go indoors and thaw out and being forced to go to the bathroom, eat or put on dry clothes.

Even the adults seemed to appreciate the beauty of the local park, which became a snow-covered wonderland. The picture-postcard images of stately bare trees dressed in arctic-blue ice and outlined against the grey-blue skies were ethereally beautiful.

What great and treasured memories. Yet, as I look around my neighborhood today, there are mostly desert-friendly trees such as paloverde, olive, oleander, mesquite and greasewood. The sun is shining brilliantly, it is a balmy 75 degrees, and flowers are blooming all over the neighborhood, including bright-red geraniums on my back patio. And there will be no shoveling of anything, except maybe a little dirt. Life is good when we are in harmony with nature, no matter the reason or the season, or even the climate zone we call home.
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Copyright © 2008 by Fern Stewart Welch - This is one of the author's most requested columns.

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World” and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within” are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, bookstore chains, such as Barnes & Noble and Borders, and to the trade from Ingram Book Co., Baker & Taylor and other wholesalers.