"Start by doing what is necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." ~St. Francis of Assisi
Recently I felt a strong urge to check out my current list of spiritual desires with my inner guidance. Over time I had pared down a long list of ego-based needs and desires to what I thought was a short list of true heart and soul desires. But there was always room for improvement.
Many of us know that when we seek to manifest more good into our lives, such as health, love and financial security, they don't just get zapped on us. They have to happen THROUGH us--and that requires commitment, focus and consistency. So it's a good idea to be able to differentiate between our true heart and soul desires - which are always for our highest and best good - and the ego-based wants and needs that will never bring us the happiness, peace and satisfaction we desire.
My daily ritual included listing my spiritual desires in my journal and then reading them aloud to be sure they still resonated within me as truth. On this particular day, I did that and then asked my inner guidance: Does this list represent my true heart and soul desires?
- Being more conscious and aware of my personal relationship with God.
- Maintaining balance of Body, Mind and Spirit so that I can continue to experience life on Earth and fulfill my life's purpose and heart and soul desires.
- Honing my gifts and abilities so that I can maximize service to God-Life-Truth.
- Living holy relationships with family, friends and everyone with whom I come in contact.
As I continued reflecting on holy relationships, I realized I simply wanted my relationships to be mutually loving and beneficial, and less problematic. I also knew from past experience that before this session ended I would know the difference between what I had and what I wanted - but obviously not just yet.
For just then, to make sure I stayed on track, my inner guidance sent up a dream from the previous night. A man was visiting my home, and when someone asked him to have a seat in the family room, he suddenly blurted out, "You have a family room?!"
As I let the man's sarcasm sink in, I realized the dream was bringing to my attention that I had a designated "family room, without the loving family relationships I so strongly wanted. This also brought up old childhood memories of me trying to be perfect in order to receive the care, love and guidance I wanted from my birth family. And along with that memory came the thought of my first marriage, which ended in divorce and a broken family, that is still somewhat fractured.
When I returned to journaling, my inner guidance asked: If you had to give up one of your spiritual goals, which one would it be? I automatically started crossing holy relationships off my list.
I was just about to ask why this was necessary when once again, right on cue, another memory popped up to keep me on course. I recalled that when my spiritual adventure began a decade ago, I was asked to love and release my offspring and their families to God. I asked my inner guidance at the time if having a personal relationship with God meant having to give up our loved ones. I was greatly relieved to learn that giving up anyone wasn't necessary, but maintaining balance was.
I quickly recognized that I was still way out of balance in caring and worrying about my adult offspring and their adult families, as well as others in my circle of loved ones. I often offered assistance before they even asked, and also failed to ask myself whether I was doing something they could or should be doing for themselves, and if my "helping" denied them that opportunity.
I knew then this meant more work on loving and releasing my adult offspring and others to their own destinies. In doing so, I would also be freed to spend more time fulfilling my own life purpose and heart and soul desires. I call this "staying in my own car and in my own lane."
It was also time to let go of the false childhood belief that the love I desired could only come from outside me. I had known intellectually for a long time that the true source of unconditional love, infinite wisdom and guidance lay in the divine sanctuary within us. Yet I couldn't live that truth until I released childhood directives that blocked me from full acceptance.
I humbly returned to journaling and my inner guidance responded by asking if I was willing to change my focus from wanting what I thought of as holy relationships to helping heal humanity. I said yes because I trusted the process, and also (thanks to another nudge from my inner guidance) I remembered that part of my original commitment to God a decade ago was to help heal the world, starting with me.
At this point, I was still uncertain about the difference between a loving relationship and a holy relationship. I wrote out the question in my journal and received this answer from my inner guidance. "A loving relationship between human beings is one of honoring and respecting each others differences and destinies and offering support, as well as the freedom and space to grow. A holy relationship is between an individual and God. Those seeking to retrieve their oneness with God-Life-Truth, which is their birthright, also deeply desire to master the spiritual evolutionary process."
After I faced the fact that I had a lot more work to do to fully realize the level of loving relatioships described above, I let the holy relationship issue go and breathed a sigh of relief.
I also realized I had been focusing on what I didn't have in my life, and hugging that lack to me with strong emotional energy. This was a surprise, as I'd known for a long time that when we want something, that automatically places it in the future and therefore it's always out of reach. When we can change the wanting and bring it into the present by stating either "I have or I claim _______" , a more desired outcome is possible.
Another gift in releasing my focus on mourning what I didn't have in my life was recognizing and being grateful for what progress I have made. The more I love myself, the easier it is to reveal my authentic self. And thanks to the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) I draw to me others who are capable of co-creating healthier relationships. Now I know the more I uncover my true heart and soul desires, and release ego-based wants and needs, the better my life becomes.