The Key to Living A Better Life and Dying a Better Death

I have a dear friend whose adult son is facing life threatening health problems. I am deeply touched once again by an all-too familiar scene, in which each family member’s unresolved emotional issues, fears and frustrations have popped up and taken precedence over the opportunity to help their loved one and each other have a loving experience.

As a former hospice volunteer, and someone who assisted two siblings, my parents and my husband on their last life journeys, I have seen this experience from one extreme to the other and pretty much everything in between. Some individuals and families go through such hellish and emotionally painful anger, bitterness, denial, grief, guilt, as well as stress and strain that it overwhelms the process and often negatively taints the rest of their lives. Others somehow manage to have a sublime loving and spiritually enlightened experience for themselves and their loved one.

Since I was ten years old, and my best friend described her grandmother’s death in a way that I had never thought possible, I have sought an answer to how the latter is achieved – as well as an opportunity to live such a blessed experience with a loved one.

When my beloved husband became ill and I realized he was beginning the process that would end in death, something within me knew this was that time. Armed with the support of my dear friend, the international death and dying icon Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and full book-knowledge of her lifework, I set an unwavering intention to help my husband through the death process in a way that was more loving and more spiritually enlightened.

But that was much easier said than accomplished. After many months of frustration and failure that resulted in emotional exhaustion, I reached out to Elisabeth and she encouraged me to turn within to seek inner guidance. She also told me to “Follow your heart, Fern. Your heart knows the way.” In desperation I did turn within, and I was led to a much deeper connection with my inner guidance, God.

I subsequently received the support and guidance I needed to heal some of my own unresolved issues – emotional baggage – as well as the fears I held around death and dying. By following the guidance, I was then able to be fully present for my husband on all levels, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

This transformed my experience from one of intense sadness, frustration, doubt, fear and emotional exhaustion, to one of clarity, confidence, love and peace, which translated to our mutual joy and a deep, satisfying soul connection with my husband that remained constant throughout the process. What we lived was diametrically opposed to what many people experience in facing the death of a loved one. It also changed my life forever.

After my husband’s death, I was guided to allow the full mourning and grieving, as this would preclude any lingering sadness. This was absolutely true, and within the first year I realized that I was left with a great inner peace, a joyous anticipation of the future and a reaffirmation of life.

I shared the lessons I learned and all the events surrounding the lengthy decline and death of my beloved husband in my first book “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within.” Since Elisabeth asked to read the manuscript before it was published, she gave the book her highest commendation and a wonderful endorsement.

I am so grateful to Elisabeth. I know that it was her lifework and support that inspired me to do what my soul knew was possible and to be fully present for my husband in a way that blessed us both and fulfilled my heart’s desire.

The insights I gained taught me that death is not meant to be the most feared life event, which is what tears many families apart when faced with such a situation. It is meant to be a sacred life passage that celebrates the continuity of life. The key to opening to that conscious awareness lies in coming to grips with our own unresolved life issues, as well as our fears surrounding death and dying. Once we clear our own emotional baggage and fears, the gift we receive is multi-faceted. We are then able to be fully present for a loved one when they face debilitating illness or death. We are also free to live a more meaningful and fulfilled life, and thus to die a better death.
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Copyright © 2009 Fern Stewart Welch

The author conceived and served as executive editor and co-author of the recently released book “Tea with Elisabeth,” which is a tribute to the incredible life work of the late Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. This title and Welch’s earlier books are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as through bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble and Borders – and to the trade from Ingram Book Co., Baker & Taylor and other wholesalers.