Are Do-Gooders Always Doing "Good"?

I have a dear friend who is placed on a pedestal by almost everyone who knows her because she always puts everyone else’s needs before her own. She never says no, regardless of what is asked of her, or what hardship or inconvenience it might make for her. She is called angelic, blessed, caring, gentle, kind and unbelievably thoughtful.

You may have guessed that I am one of the few who would like to see “Mary” break out of that mold and take care of more of her own needs in order to keep the giving and receiving in balance. You may also have guessed that one of my own life lessons was learning the difference between performing healthy acts of loving kindness and setting myself up to become a martyr, which most often results in becoming a victim.

I believe that at this stage of Mary’s life she doesn’t recognize that she has needs or desires, or that by abdicating her power and being hooked into others’ expectations she is living someone else’s life, instead of her own.

There’s also a possibility that in another lifetime she was the opposite of all of those glowing adjectives now bestowed upon her and is seeking to balance the scale this time around. If that is true, she will ultimately learn that following either giving or receiving to the extreme will eventually prove detrimental to her physical, mental, emotional, spiritual balance and well-being.

If we can’t accept our self-worth, we sometimes compensate for this lack by spending our lives becoming “do-gooders” or “super do-gooders” like Mary, in an effort to prove to everyone else the inborn worthiness in us that we cannot accept for ourselves.

Unless we wake up, we will find ourselves stuck in situations and relationships that are out of alignment with our soul and our true selves. It often takes a dramatic illness or other life event to shake us up and allow us to realize there is a more balanced way to live that brings us peace and contentment, which is every human being’s heart desire and birthright.

When we turn within to that part of us where unconditional love resides, God, we open to an inner knowing that naturally guides us to balanced giving and receiving. Since both are equally sacred, we must be sure that any giving begins with giving to ourselves. For if our reservoir of self-love is low or in a negative position from too much giving and little or no receiving, then what we do give to others or a cause doesn’t pack enough energy, power or punch to have the desired positive effect. In fact the result may prove to be negative or at most ineffective as a result of this imbalance.

In today’s world, most of us realize that for our lives to truly work well, we must start with the basics. We must know who we are – powerful spiritual beings having a human experience – and also know our true heart’s desires. Once we resonate with this core information, then we align our thoughts and actions to focus on and support these aspirations until they manifest in our lives.

We all know that being human means that Life Happens and we need to be prepared for any roller-coaster times. Whenever I start to feel less-than, experience some new ailment, or that I’m rowing upstream, or wonder if I’m actually from another planet, I know I’ve been neglecting being good to me. It’s obviously time to get back to basics. And one of the key elements is to be sure that when I’m making up a To-Do List of Acts of Loving Kindness, I place my own name at the top.
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Copyright 2010 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Tea with Elisabeth,” “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World” and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within” are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, bookstore chains, such as Barnes & Noble and Borders, and to the trade from Ingram Book Co., Baker & Taylor and other wholesalers.