"Without
change something sleeps within us. And seldom
Awakens. The sleeper must awaken.” ~Frank Herbert
It was three days from the deadline for posting my monthly essay
online when I realized I had to delete yet another unsatisfactory version. (I
was stymied, dead in the water – and it was a shock.)
This was definitely not writer’s block. After nine years and more than 200 essays,
this was the first time I had come to a full stop. Certainly I’d experienced ups and down and
static times before, but I had never once thought of the possibility of going
fully into reverse – and staying there – which is what I feared was happening
to me. I had gone abruptly from living
in a spiritual state of trust, security, peace, joy – and being able to share
that with readers – to floundering unproductively in doubt, fear, insecurity,
loneliness and vulnerability.
Yes, I had finally reached a place of happiness, security and
spiritual comfort in my life, and I wanted to stop striving and at 82 years of
age just to stay there forever. But I
had also become complacent and conveniently lost sight of the fact that life is change, and that praying daily to
live in the status quo and have it keep getting better was in
opposition to how life really works.
I had hoped to live the rest of my life from the spiritual
aspect I had spent years attaining. Now,
though, I seemed to have taken a giant step backward. I was so surprised and so rattled by the
accompanying negative emotions that I didn’t know how, when or why it happened
and whether or not it was going to be a permanent situation. I couldn’t even imagine at that point that I
might be able to master my own emotional and mental aspects enough to gain
insights and move back on track. I
feared my journey was over.
Before this backsliding episode, the writing and sharing of
these essays about growing through
life’s lessons instead of just going through them had taken on a life of its
own, and I had trusted it completely.
This time it seemed that no matter how deep I dug in searching for the
lesson I was meant to understand, bring forth and share with others, I simply
couldn’t hit pay dirt. I finally felt
guided to post archived essays for the months of gestation that unprecedented
and challenging new lessons would require.
As soon as I made that decision, I breathed a big sigh of
relief, as I felt a welcome release of stress. After several weeks of staying
away from the computer and working in my patio garden to prepare the plants for
winter, I began to sense that the almost 360◦ metamorphosis from positive to
negative energy was lessening its hold on me.
It seemed nearly miraculous, but then I remembered that our ancestors
often took ailing patients into the forest to aid their healing.
Apparently a respite spent partnering with Nature was allowing
me to stop focusing on all the negative aspects of my situation. I had stepped back and away from the stress
and disappointment of backsliding and this allowed me to begin functioning
again at a more desirable level. I
realized that my time in nature brought back my perspective and this allowed me
to continue objectively seeking answers.
As I continued my daily soul-searching, I prayed that my “job”
(life purpose) was the same as it was before: to grow through life instead of
just going through it, and sharing the insights gained with others.
It also wasn’t lost on me that experiencing once more what it
was like to be living life from a lower energy vibration, and with all the
negative emotions, was absolutely undesirable.
I had never liked living like that, and I still didn’t. Even thinking about it caused a slight twinge
of fearful energy to begin rising up in me.
Thankfully, I immediately felt a stronger, positive surge of energy
course through my body. I knew then that
I held the answer within me and I could and
would eventually reach a level of conscious awareness that to me, comparatively
speaking, was like heaven on Earth.
I started to wonder how I could do that, and quickly remembered
that being committed to fulfilling my highest potential in life had brought me
to the former plateau. I sensed that if
I remained on that path, it would enable me to get back on course. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I went straight back to the basics, and was
daily working on shoring up the connection with my inner self by using positive
affirmative prayers, and also claiming to increase the level of trust and faith
I have in God-Good-Truth-Love, and Me.
It felt right and good. I also
went back to doing some necessary inner work and released some negative and
invalid beliefs, thoughts, life patterns and idealized and false self images.
I realized that when I hit a bump in the road, the key is not to
allow the poor Little Me aspect of my ego to run wild by bringing up all of my
negative and self-effacing thoughts and fears.
As soon as I was relieved of built-up stress, I experienced a positive,
steady energy at the core of my being—again.
Hallelujah!
It was obvious to me that this was the toughest lesson I’d ever
experienced. And I’d done it to myself,
of course, by losing perspective and then tying myself up in knots over
it. I’m not ashamed to admit this
now. I’m human, and know that many of us
allow negative and false thoughts to remain in our subconscious and they become
strong directives in our lives. Our
souls present us with ample opportunities to face, feel, heal and release such
negative directives. The choice is ours. (It’s simple, but isn’t always easy.)
What I finally learned was not to steadfastly try to hang onto
the status quo when we reach a
desired energy level and our life seems like it’s the best it can ever be. That’s not the way life works. We’re here to grow into a higher conscious
awareness, and the opportunities are countless, and endless, and present
themselves every day of our lives – unless we put up a mental Stop Sign like I
did – that denies change and resists new experiences.
If I’m ever faced with another highly emotional lesson like this
one, here’s my plan: Before another
self-blame snit-fit of stress and flailing emotions can take control, I’m going
to remain calm and go within immediately and call forth the highest and best me
I can be. Then with the strongest
thoughts, desire and energy I can muster, I will claim faith and trust in God-Good-Love-Truth
… and Me.
I also know now that as I choose to live this lesson, everything
necessary to enable me to move forward on the next step of my spiritual journey
is awaiting me. And, my friends, from
this experience, I believe that this is the way life on Earth is meant to
work.
___________________________________________
Copyright © 2016 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,
(2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for
Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced
Life In An Unbalanced World,” (2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to
Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,”
(2006), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as
bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.
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