"Oh, God! Here I Go Again" or "Thanks, God! Here I Grow Again" ... The Choice Is Up to Us

The difficulties of life are to make us better, not bitter.”~Unknown

Some of you may recall that I have previously written about a fractured family relationship that has caused me great heartache and sadness for decades.  Unfortunately, I experienced another emotional episode with that same person a while ago.  This time, though, after years of spiritual work, instead of being hooked into the same-old, in-kind reaction, I knew I was okay enough to not only withstand the barrage of anger but to do something about it.  OMIGOD.  What a breakthrough.

I immediately remembered that it takes two people to keep this negative cycle going, and only one to stop it  At that moment I promised myself I was going to be the latter.

Being unaware of the source of the breach between us, I tried many times through the years to ask the person for forgiveness, but to no avail.  Back then I thought it was because she enjoyed having the power to deny my hope for reconciliation.   Now I know it’s because I was meant to recognize the fact that if I’m suffering, it’s my problem, and I need to heal enough to allow whatever I’m holding onto to be faced, felt, and released.

While my inner guidance provided me with the Inner Work technique to use in such situations years ago – the truth is that I seldom saw this individual – so I turned within to focus on this issue only when I was the recipient of another emotional outbreak.    By then, I would be so upset by the depth of the emotions within me that I just wanted to get past it.

This time, however, I knew instantly that I was through with being a handy target for these emotional outbursts and was determined to learn my lesson, grow through it and come to peace with this issue.  I went into prayer and after centering myself, I realized that my inner guidance was urging me to re-read one of my favorite books.  It was by Arun Gandhi, the fifth grandchild of Mahatma Gandhi, and is titled “Legacy of Love – My Education in the Path of Nonviolence.”

Not only did I re-read several chapters, I clearly recalled being at Arun’s presentation that evening back in 2010.  Since I thought that I was in for a history lesson about India’s trials, tribulations and victories, I didn’t expect it to touch me personally.  I was wrong.

His profound insight was that humanity views violence as only physical, therefore missing the awareness that we daily contribute to passive violence.

According to Arun, we do this in many oppressive and disrespectful ways, including gossiping, name calling, blaming, bullying, teasing and insulting, as well as venting our anger on others. As I remembered this statement, I realized immediately that there’s probably not a person on Earth who hasn’t at one time or another unknowingly indulged in some form of passive violence. 

He explained that passive violence generates anger because the target doesn’t know how to deal with it positively, and the only option seems to be to resort to some form of physical violence, or to keep stockpiling resentments.  So, I was actually adding fuel to the fire of my undesirable situation by blaming the other person.  Now I see why no healing was ever possible under those circumstances.

The next insight I gained was that this dysfunctional relationship was somehow linked to my early-childhood experiences in a large family that left me feeling unlovable, unworthy and vulnerable.  This was surely the reason that as an adult I was addicted to being treated with loving kindness and respect.  And when the reality of the unkind and disrespectful relationship with this individual didn’t fit my desires, I reacted with animosity, blame and a prayer that she would eventually learn her lesson and act accordingly.

I seized this latest opportunity to clear and release this sad situation for all time.  I immediately began daily forgiveness work for each of us.  When I began to feel centered, and could come from a level of love for the other person, I started the Inner Work.

After an unusually powerful and tearful energy release, my inner guidance drew me back in my mind’s eye to when my “adversary” was a newborn baby.

My first thought was if this is to “soften” me up, it won’t work.  I was born the seventh of ten children.  And while I loved babies and had enjoyed (most of the time) being in charge of my younger brother and sisters, I was only eight-years-old and just wanted to be free to play outside with the rest of the kids.  When my mother appeared, she took the infant from the baby’s mother and placed her in my arms, indicating that she had volunteered me to care for the baby after school each day and on the weekend.  I was overwhelmed.

I sensed it wasn’t wise to speak up, because my mother made it quite clear the baby was “sickly” and the mother needed help, and we were “family.”  I decided to do what I had to do, but as I girded myself for this unwanted act of charity, I also actually felt a slight hardening of my heart toward this infant.  Just then I got the message my inner guidance was orchestrating.  I had rejected this fellow human being from the beginning, and I had to accept 100% responsibility for my part.  She had chosen to give back to me (unknowingly) the rejection I had set in motion.

When I started to judge myself harshly for what I had done, my inner guidance stopped me in my tracks.  I was to ask myself these questions: Did I do the best I could as a young child? (Yes.) Did I see life differently then? (Yes.).  Did I know then what I know now? (No.)  Would I have acted differently if I had?  (Yes.)  Am I willing to forgive myself for making a mistake, and not realizing the consequences it set in motion?   (Yes.)

At that moment, I relaxed into the process totally, for I knew from past experience that I was being guided into the insight-healing I sought. I was now face to face with the infant, looking directly into her sparkling blue eyes.  I was also the adult I am now, and was captivated by how lively she was, for I knew the life challenges she would face.  As she smiled and gurgled her way into my heart, I felt the plate of armor dissolve and love flowed freely through me to her. WOW!

I recalled soon after the visioning, that by the time this baby was two-years-old, and I was 10, I had chosen the path of love for my life journey.  As a result, I spent many hours – and most of the money I made, (25 cents an hour) from babysitting neighbor children – in trying to add joy to her life as she faced continuing health challenges.

I also realized once again how powerful our thoughts are and the importance of mastering them to assure they yield desirable instead of undesirable results.

When I fully accepted that I was totally responsible for my part in this situation, and my counterpart was 100% responsible for her reactions and responses, I vowed to continue the Inner Work and claimed freedom from this issue for all time. (See the Inner Work steps in the February essay or on the author’s Web Page at:www.FernStewartWelch.com.)

Hip, Hip, Hurray and Hallelujah!  What a gift, and it couldn’t and wouldn’t have happened until I chose to face the truth and to grow through life instead of continuing to suffer through it.

 

I meet every life experience by smiling, standing tall and saying:Thanks God, here I grow again.

___________________________________
Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch   [This archived essay reprinted by request]

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

You May Think You're Falling Apart ,,, But It Could Be Your Chance to Get It All Together

   

        “It’s a fact: We need a body to continue experiencing life on Earth.”   ~Fern Stewart Welch   

                                  

Two years ago, after 78 years of mostly radiant health, my body began sending me messages in the form of various maladies, a not so subtle reminder that while our souls are immortal our bodies are finite.  This falling-apart time that I felt I had reached meant that a major life choice loomed before me: Did I give up and give in, thinking that I had no alternative – or did I decide to trust my own inner knowing that tells me there is another option?  Since I wrote my epitaph when I was a freshman in college – I Lived, I Loved, I Learned – it didn’t surprise me that I had already selected my motto for this stage of life – I refuse to die until I’m dead.

In other words, I would not focus on dying, which would send my body the wrong message, which was that I was ready to go home.  At that point, my body would start to fulfill my “order” by sending me more maladies. Instead I changed my negative thoughts about my ailments to positive ones.  I knew at the core of my being that I wasn’t “falling apart,” and that I was being guided to awaken to a more expanded view of living and – ultimately – dying. So with a strong sense that every cell of my body agreed, I affirmed: I am not falling apart; I am finally coming together.

My rationale for that strong outlook was two-fold, the maladies that were popping up got my attention and after some deliberation, I realized our bodies are sacred vehicles that allow us to

experience life on Earth.  Obviously it was also time to step up as a partner and help my body do its only job … to constantly heal itself.  Unfortunately, for most of my life I hadn’t been a good partner.  I took my good health for granted and never once thought of my body as the incredible work of genius it is.  At this point, I was able to look at this experience of things going wrong physically as another life lesson – opportunity – the kind that allows us to gain insight into how life is really meant to work.

Of course, I was aware that many sick people around the globe already lived this choice – they never thought of giving up or giving in just because of what a caregiver or space-age machine declared was their fate.  We’ve all watched them share their extraordinary stories online, on television and hungrily read their books.  Here’s one of my favorite examples:

Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., is a brain scientist who experienced a massive, debilitating stroke, and chronicled her challenge to regain her life in the book “My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey.”   After years of strong resolve and faith, and partnering with her body in selecting the medical care and therapies necessary for recovery … she discovered her body’s incredible capacity to heal.  She’s now sharing her inspirational experience with people around the world to help others, especially stroke victims.

No matter how serious their prognosis, many courageous people like Dr. Taylor accepted their own inner knowing that our bodies are equipped to reenergize, regenerate and renew every cell, organ and function—depending on our desire and conscious direction.  I humbly realize that while I don’t share the life skills and knowledge of Dr. Taylor, I am a fellow soul and therefore am heir to the same healing power that is within each of us.  Plus, I am totally committed to fulfilling my life purpose by sharing the insights I learn with others as I grow through life instead of just going through it.

The fact is that for the past three decades each member of my team of caregivers has embraced the field of integrative medicine that combines the best of modern-day medicine, as well as holistic modalities and philosophy.  This means I’ve been learning to take responsibility for my health decisions concerning drugs, surgery and so on.  The result is that despite a few aches and pains and some inconveniences, I am still here – and prescription free.

I also believe that each human being is a unique and precious individualized expression of the Universal Life Force-Energy-Spirit-God.  We’re on a unique journey that is tailored just for us, and the one-size-fits-all diagnoses and required drugs and treatments – along with a belief that the Earth is flat – belong together in the dustbin of history.  We are being called to a conscious awakening within ourselves that is a necessary step for us to keep pace with the planetary transformation that is ongoing and the incredible high-tech scientific world we now inhabit.

Being born on Earth is such a Gift.  No matter what chapter of life we’re in, it’s an opportunity to grow into a higher level of consciousness, which is why we’re here.  I believe in following that truth and by doing so, that I will be able to live life the way in which it’s really meant to unfold.  I may have come to this awareness late in life, but obviously it’s the right timing for me.  I am being led and supported in loving myself, taking charge of my life and owning my power.  Baby steps perhaps, but the feeling deep within me is the only encouragement I need to know I am on the right path.

For more than a decade, I have been focusing on fulfilling my life purposes, my potential and true heart and soul desires.  Recently I began receiving the following message from my Higher Wisdom Self:  “Take Heart, Fern, these are The First Days of the Best Years of Your Life.”  That has always lifted my heart and spurred me on to trust and have faith in what is to come.  I recognize the truth in it for now no matter what life presents, I face it, do what I can to cope with it – and continue on my journey with a reassuring feeling of contentment, joy and peace.

During the ensuing years I have experienced several brief episodes of a level of bliss that felt like heaven-on-Earth.  The first time, I hugged it to my heart and as I focused on staying in that energy, I realized it was achievable for longer periods of time right here on Earth.  In other similar instances the all-encompassing bliss was accompanied by an inner knowing that if I died right then, it would be okay for I was God-smacked with a joy that permeated my being and caused me to know that at some level, I was already perfect, whole and complete.  There was also a palpable energy that I recognized as an anticipation of Good.

The more I focus on expanding my conscious awareness of how life on Earth is really meant to be lived, the stronger the inner soul urging is to be free to live a longer life and to continue discovering the Real Me I was born to be.

We don’t have to gaze at the stars or ponder the endless number of galaxies to bring up the awe, love, mystery and potential that is inherent in the gift our bodies present to us.  All we have to do is turn within and become acquainted with our sacred life vehicles to discover the power within each of us.

When I think about it now it’s like being given a magical, mystical toy and I’m just now opening it and seeing what we can accomplish by partnering together.  This opens us to consciously realizing the incredible intelligence, love and perfection that we are.  As if that wasn’t enough, each of us shares in the Universal plan. Our role is to take every challenge as an opportunity to help us learn how life on Earth is meant to work – and to realize that our magnificent body is capable of keeping us around until we have fully expressed our unique energy, light into the world.  Thank you, Life.  I’m Happy.  More Please.

“There is a power and presence within you that is greater than you are and you can use it."   

      ~Irene Amanda Hunter, author of “The Miracle of Being The Real You.”

______________________________________                                                                                       Copyright © 2015 by Fern Stewart Welch  [Repeated by request]

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart”, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2009) are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Making the Best of the Rest of Your Life

“Start by doing what is necessary; then do what’s possible,

and suddenly you’re doing the impossible.”  ~Francis of Assisi

I remember when I was very young hearing my 93-year old great-grandmother repeat that old maxim, “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.”  Like most youngsters, I didn’t take my elder’s wisdom to heart.  And, eventually I did recall the conversation, with regret. Because as a much older me, I was suddenly receiving messages from my own body – I had begun to face one challenging aging ailment after another, barely coping with one before another popped up.  I shouldn’t have been so surprised – I had already written another essay based on it seeming like our older bodies might be falling apart, but it could also be our chance to partner with our bodies.  But, of course, we humans are always forgetting and then being reminded again.  The truth is that our bodies are finite, they do wear out, and they do malfunction – especially if we haven’t taken good care of them, and have taken them for granted.

So, what can we do to ensure that our later life is as healthy and productive and happy as we would like it to be?  Well for starters we need to realize the fact that statistics already show that human beings are now living longer than ever.   The trend that’s already obvious is that the 70s are the new 50s and the 90s are the new 70s.  This means (statistically) that we are going to be “old” for much longer periods of time than our parents and grandparents.

That fact automatically shoots taking better care of our bodies up to the top of all lists.  Every day for decades we’ve been inundated with information that encouraged us to eat a life-enhancing and nutritious diet, to exercise, lose weight, run, walk and keep moving so that we can have a fit and healthy body.

As seniors, many of us already had a handy excuse for ignoring the fitness craze that is still sweeping our country, because we thought it had nothing to do with us.  After all we were too busy focusing on what we thought were the last years of our lives.  Yet the truth is: Better late than never.  Thank you, Granny.

While it’s obvious that younger generations will have more time to adjust to living longer lives, we oldsters have already recognized that life itself is an incredible gift, and the opportunity to live to an advanced age can be an even greater blessing.  It’s our responsibility to make the most of it, and to prepare our bodies for a longer lifespan by staying healthy and fit, and we can do it wisely without ripped muscles and six-packs.

We also need to expand our minds and embrace the new concepts of agelessness and youthfulness, as well as life-long learning and goal-setting.  Another self-defeating thing that we foot-dragging oldsters do to stay firmly entrenched in “the old days” is to resist all changes, and particularly technological change.  I’ve heard many of my peers say when they are being chastised by their family members for retreating from the high-tech world we now live in: “Oh well, we’ll be long-gone soon.” 

People who think that way have already started opting OUT to put it bluntly.  The thought being, that we can’t move forward or don’t think we can, or don’t have the urge to do so.  The upshot of that closed and unhealthy mind-set is a fear of learning new ways, and of trying new things.  It can also isolate us from society – and put our lives in a static kind of holding pattern – that says we’re still here, but patiently waiting for the way out.

I remember a quote by bestselling author Richard Bach that fits this situation perfectly:  “If you think your mission on Earth is complete, if you’re alive it isn’t.”

I have to admit that I am still one of those “foot-dragging” seniors.  For example, just like my parents I resist using the drive-in window at my bank, and still write checks to pay my bills.  I don’t even want to talk about how little I know about my one high-tech concession, computers, for if it works that’s great, but if it doesn’t I have no clue as to what to do.  My young grandsons are my tutors.

After I was recently presented with another aging ailment, I began seriously wondering what the final chapter(s) of my life could be like if I changed my outlook and became part of our world’s evolution into a higher conscious awareness.  I knew immediately that not being part of Life and just kind of “hanging in,” wasn’t for me.

Here’s what I did.  I took a week off for a self-imposed retreat (which I call time-out-of-time) to ponder my stage of life and to revisit some of the wise words of my mentors and teachers, as well as famous sages and philosophers who have gone on before us.

This statement from my late friend and mentor Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross captured my attention

Each and every one of us is a unique, individualized expression of God – the Divine Mind – and we’re here for a reason, and there will never be another me or another you.

I was touched at the core of my being by that quote, and took the time necessary to do two things.  The first was to accept the fact that in order to continue experiencing life on Earth we must have a body and the healthier the better.  Next I took a clear look at my life to figure out what I would need to do (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) to help me make the best of the rest of my life.

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the latest ailment I was experiencing I sat down and listed my half-dozen maladies, along with specific dietary do’s or don’ts for each one.  I also added prescribed exercises, meditation, visualization, and embryonic (qigong) breathing as well as homeopathic and holistic healing modalities.

Having focused my thoughts by writing down my concerns and what I could and would do about them, I no longer felt overwhelmed. What I had done was to come up with a simple list of how-to’s that in a very short time (two weeks for me) became a healthful and uplifting habit.

As soon as I started working with my body as a willing partner, I immediately felt supported and empowered by the positive energy that now coursed through my being.  I was no longer a helpless victim just waiting for the next aging ailment to show up, I was consciously partnering with my body to attain and maintain a higher level of energy and well-being to prepare me for whatever life presents.  (This includes a bit of time to have a snit-fit when and if another malady shows up.)

As my great-grandmother also said, “When you have your health, you have everything!”  She was right.  I’m aware and kind of gobsmacked that at the age of 80 I committed to a new vision – with a healthier diet, exercises and taking full responsibility for my body.  My goal is to continue experiencing life on Earth, growing in conscious awareness instead of  just getting older … and making the best of the rest of my life.

I made my decision with a tip of the hat to the late Art Linkletter, who wrote a bestselling book years ago titled – “How to Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life – in which he said, You can’t stop the clock, but we can rewind it.” 

I chose to do that.  I finally realized that it’s time to embrace this brave new world instead of resisting it.  Life is change, and the world is changing fast and in ways that will affect every aspect of our lives—and they’ve only just begun.  The good news is that part of living in a time of rapid change also means we can take advantage of new and unparalleled opportunities … and use them to make the best of the rest of our lives.

______________________________________ 

Copyright © 2015 Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In an Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008) are available at Amazon.com other online booksellers and bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

How I Learned (Painfully) That Patience Isn’t Just a Virtue … It Can Also Keep You Out of the Hospital

“Self-love is the key to patience, persistence and success.”   ~Unknown

I’ve been wrestling with the reality of patience vs. impatience for many years – with healthy signs that I’m making some progress.  But I still experience times like the following situation, when I wish with all my heart that I had stopped and asked myself: If I really loved me, what would I do right now?

After grocery shopping for an hour, I arrived home with a trunk full of bags to unload by myself, and the awareness that I would have to put them all away.  I was tired, my patience exhausted, and all I wanted was to get this chore over with and sit down to relax.  I grabbed two of the last four bags in each hand, noticing that the ones in my right hand each contained a half gallon of milk.  I didn’t think about those heavy bags, just that if I could close the trunk of my car right then, I wouldn’t have to come back out to the garage to do it.

Reaching for the trunk lid, I swung my right arm up above my head, attempting a Michael Jordan slam dunk, grabbed the lid and pushed down.  But it took more strength than I had with the weight of the milk containers and I knew as soon as the lid slammed shut that I had hurt my shoulder.  By the next day, the pain had not abated so I sought medical help.  I had a moderate injury to my rotator cuff that would not require surgery, but would take time to heal, and I would have to limit the use of my right arm, including not being able to drive for a while.

Why was I in such a hurry that I abandoned good sense, acted without thought and chose to do something that would compromise my well-being?  If I had taken a moment to think, had a moment’s patience, I would have realized that what I was doing was not only risky but unnecessary.  Surely I had already had enough not-so-good experiences with impatience in my long lifetime to learn this lesson.  I can remember as a child my great-grandmother, Amanda Hampton Crownover, would wag her pointer finger at me and say, “Act in haste, repent at leisure.” Was I ever! Ouch!

Yet, when an issue, such as patience, or the lack of it, sticks in my consciousness, and won’t go away, I know it’s an indication that it’s way past time to focus on this lesson.  My modus operandi is to turn within and realize any insights, apply them in my life to assist me on my spiritual journey, and to share them with other interested souls who also seek to know how life on Earth is meant to work.

As the thoughts began to gather around the current issue – my lack of patience – I recalled that in at least three instances over the past few years, my impatience resulted in some totally unnecessary, minor – yet painful and inconvenient – health challenges.  Many seniors would just chalk those experiences up to aging and let it go at that.  Not me.  I want truth.

When I asked my inner guidance what I’m to learn from these situations, I was told that if I want to continue experiencing life on Earth, I have to take better care of the sacred vehicle (body) that allows me to do so.  As usual, part of that aspect had to do with getting the maximum nutritional value from the foods I ingest, and also exercising a little every day to keep all the organs functioning at an optimal level.  I’m seriously working on each of these.

But the most important – as well as the most surprising, and vital bit of information – was that I needed to face, heal and release the mental and emotional aspects of me that cause the impatience.  In other words, the major insight in this specific situation turned out to be that I evidently had much more inner work to do on loving myself.

Actually, I honestly thought that after all the years of daily inner work I’ve done to heal and release the childhood feelings of being undeserving, unworthy and unlovable, that I was now nearly “home free.”  Not so.  Evidently I still have layers of undesirable energies that if I want to keep moving forward on the spiritual path, need to be acknowledged and worked with until they too are in alignment with what is for my highest and best good.

As I began the process of plumbing the depths of me to discover insights about my impatience, naturally the first thing I thought of was what I, and perhaps others, consider the real-world definition of patience.  It goes something like this:  Patience means gritting our teeth, digging in our heels and putting up with some undesirable and negative condition, person or situation.

Now I know that while some of this may be true, it’s obvious that there’s a lot more to the full meaning of patience than most of us realize.

After several days of soul-searching and no instant insights, I realized that the only way I was going to make any progress was by going within and looking at my own life.  The first thing that popped up was the fact that when I answered God’s call to be a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart more than twelve years ago, it took not only great daily patience but also long-term persistence (and faith) to stay on my spiritual path.  It wasn’t and still isn’t always easy to stay strong and face the challenges and blockages that pop up from the core of my being.  More often than not, it was extremely humbling.  But the patience and persistence I have managed to gain continue to help me stay lovingly present and conscious of what is happening on my spiritual path so I can open to the insights and fulfill my purpose by sharing them to help others on their life journeys.

As to my inner work, after going within and releasing any negative feelings about my periodic “attacks” of impatience, I released any unloving feelings about myself.  At that point, I got it that patience in its true fullness means first and foremost that we are to be patient with ourselves.  This also means being compassionate, and forgiving, and loving ourselves at every opportunity, because we are all works-in-progress, and we deserve all the help we can get.

What I believe we all need to remember is that we have our human aspect and our Godly side.  While we are human and can choose to express anger, fear, impatience and jealousy, we also have and can express the God-qualities of compassion, caring, joy, love, patience and persistence.  I consider myself reminded Big Time that patience means being loving to me first.  This opens up the opportunity to give any decision the time it needs before I abandon loving myself and act impatiently.

The other insight I gained was that when we can grow into having patience with ourselves and the process of life – whether or not we’re committed to a spiritual path or just want to create a better life – we will automatically realize that self-love is a vital part of our truth and that it requires daily practice.  Actually our universal life mission is to truly love ourselves.  It’s been said throughout eons of time that before we can love another we have to love ourselves.

Oh, BTW, if I had had the patience in my garage to put those heavy things down and to ask myself the question: “What would be the loving thing to do?”  The answer would have been that a truly self-loving person would never consciously choose to risk injury just to save a few moments of time.  Knowing what I know now, I choose to strengthen my self-love, and to claim that patience and persistence guide my life.  I can hear my beloved great-grandmother saying: “Finally, better late than never.”

      I daily claim and practice self-love, patience and persistence.  

With patience I hold on, hold fast and hold out for the best life has to offer.

_____________________________________________________

Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch (Reprinted by request.)

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction;  “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes 

Putting Yourself First May Be the Best – and Most Unselfish – Thing You Can Do

I often wonder who decided that I was to be a giver instead of a receiver in this life. Well, now I know. I myself made that decision, and I was all of 10 years of age at the time. As young as I was, it seems I had come to a decisive point in my life. I realized I was a conscious, thinking human being, and was searching for something that would lift me up and beyond my current circumstances to a more desired life. At first, I tried finding what I was looking for by visiting some of the churches near our house, but found that their messages of “hell-fire and brimstone” were not what my heart and soul sought. I realized fully that the situation in my birth family figured in my quest also, as I was the seventh of 10 children and was born a highly-sensitive introvert. I yearned for the individual attention, guidance, and love my life was missing, and which was an impossibility in such a large family.  

 The decision I made in an innocent Mother Teresa-moment was to choose the path of love and to always give priority to the needs of others (primarily my family members) instead of selfishly focusing on myself. Then I would receive back what I so sorely desired. Being a voracious reader, including books on family issues, I thought I knew how to help fulfill my needs and benefit others. For a time I focused extra attention and caring on my parents and siblings, but it made no difference in the lack of attention or acceptance I felt.

 So I extended my attention beyond the family and discovered that the responses to my selfless-do-gooder actions were beginning to make a difference in my life. It started when Miss Rule, the elementary school librarian, took me under her tutelage and I became her number-one assistant, which was a boost to my self-esteem. Something obviously shifted in the “little me,” for each teacher throughout eighth grade, responded to me in ways that were a balm to my heart and I wanted more of the wonderful feel-good feelings. Those positive feelings were so strong that I remained on the path I had chosen, unaware – or not caring – that I often ignored any preferences or needs of my own to help others.

As a grownup, once I began to focus on the lesson of self-love, which is invaluable to a balanced and happy life, it was clear that some childhood conclusions – like mine – can be the source of poor life decisions, less than healthy relationships, and an unfulfilled life. I realized that my immature decision to put others first no matter what the situation was – needed to be reexamined by a mature adult. And I was the only one who could do it.

What I discovered – became fully conscious of – was that this childhood decision was the source of active conflict in my adult life for at least a decade. It started with the publishing of my books and realizing that in addition to being a highly-sensitive introvert, I had become a spiritual contemplative. This meant that I had no interest in pursuing fame or fortune. I just wanted to follow my chosen path and to fulfill my life purpose – which is to continue growing through life instead of just going through it – and sharing the insights I gained to help others create better lives. I’m in the process of learning to balance self-love with loving and releasing others to their own destinies, and with my background this is a tall order and will take time.

The more I realized that I had been controlled by that subconscious order to always help others, the more I recognized that while some of the “motherly” things I had done through the years may have been truly love-based and healthy, some were not. Sometimes the others involved could have resolved their own challenges and learned vital life lessons, and sometimes my involvement could have been simply an unnecessary interference and probably caused emotional stress for all concerned. Now I’m beginning to experience a feeling of peace and wholeness when my actions come only from love and are positive for all concerned, and a feeling of emptiness and sadness when I realized they are ego-based and come largely from a long-term habit.

I’ve known for a long time that everything in life happens for a reason, and we’re here on Earth to learn the lessons that present themselves. For example I learned a long time ago, after having three children of my own, that there’s no way I could have fulfilled all the individual needs and desires of the 10 children my parents had. Who could? I’m sure that as parents, beyond providing a child’s basic need for shelter, food and love, it is part of the curriculum in Earth school to choose to use what challenges/opportunities life delivers us to fuel our unique life journey. The more challenging our circumstances have been, the greater the gift in overcoming the past.

 I also realize fully that everything that happened in my childhood, including the directive to choose the path of love, is what fueled me to continue on the spiritual path. That decision eventually led me to finding my life purpose, and now the opportunity to open more fully to it. I also recognize how vital self-love is in creating the lives we desire and deserve. And for those insights I bless everything that ever happened in my life for they have brought me more joy and happiness than I ever dreamed possible. Thank you, God. I have no complaints.

 Now that old directive has been replaced by a new one – to be a loving, benevolent “bystander” for those I care about. I will be there when they truly need me, and ask me, and I will remain free to focus on my own soul-growth. This requires conscious commitment, discipline and awareness every single day. It also means I continue working on loving myself so that my level of self-love is at a high level. This keeps me healthy and happy, and any decisions I make are based on selfless-love that benefits all concerned.

Helping others is a blessed life goal, but I’ve learned how important it is to put our own oxygen mask on first, because if our needs are not met, we have little or no ability to help others.

Whenever I fail, or when I doubt, or when I’m down – I remain kind and loving to myself. 

 10 Easy Ways to Build Self-Love, Self-Compassion and a Happy Life

 BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.

Write down what your “self talk” says about you. If it’s critical, change it to loving words.

Write out a list of your best qualities, life gifts, abilities and look at it often.

 Look in the mirror each day, lock eyes and say I love you – continue until you can feel comfortable and filled with self-love.

 Forgive yourself, others, release the past, and live in the moment.

 Set boundaries and say no to anyone or anything that does not align with your core values, your heart and soul desires, and your highest and best good.

 Meet challenges by going within and asking your inner guidance to tell you the lesson you are to learn. Don’t give up. You already know the answer.

 Meditate. Go within to experience the bliss and deep inner peace within us. Conscious awareness is inherent in this process. You will soon recognize and release old patterns and behaviors and transform your life experience. (See Meditation Made Easy in my Spiritual Warrior book.)

 Say each day with passion: I Am God’s Magnificent Vessel of Greatness!

 Repeat often during challenging times: There is an opportunity in this to learn a lesson. Thanks. Everything happens for my good (eventually) and I’m going to be gentle, kind and loving to myself every day.

____________________________________

Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch – (reprinted by request)

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008), and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2006), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes &I Noble.

Just When It Seems Your Life Is As Good As It Gets … You Might Learn Your Biggest Lesson of All

   "Without change something sleeps within us. And seldom

Awakens.  The sleeper must awaken.”  ~Frank Herbert

It was three days from the deadline for posting my monthly essay online when I realized I had to delete yet another unsatisfactory version. (I was stymied, dead in the water – and it was a shock.)

This was definitely not writer’s block.  After nine years and more than 200 essays, this was the first time I had come to a full stop.  Certainly I’d experienced ups and down and static times before, but I had never once thought of the possibility of going fully into reverse – and staying there – which is what I feared was happening to me.  I had gone abruptly from living in a spiritual state of trust, security, peace, joy – and being able to share that with readers – to floundering unproductively in doubt, fear, insecurity, loneliness and vulnerability.

Yes, I had finally reached a place of happiness, security and spiritual comfort in my life, and I wanted to stop striving and at 82 years of age just to stay there forever.  But I had also become complacent and conveniently lost sight of the fact that life is change, and that praying daily to

live in the status quo and have it keep getting better was in opposition to how life really works. 

I had hoped to live the rest of my life from the spiritual aspect I had spent years attaining.  Now, though, I seemed to have taken a giant step backward.  I was so surprised and so rattled by the accompanying negative emotions that I didn’t know how, when or why it happened and whether or not it was going to be a permanent situation.  I couldn’t even imagine at that point that I might be able to master my own emotional and mental aspects enough to gain insights and move back on track.  I feared my journey was over.

Before this backsliding episode, the writing and sharing of these essays about growing through life’s lessons instead of just going through them had taken on a life of its own, and I had trusted it completely.  This time it seemed that no matter how deep I dug in searching for the lesson I was meant to understand, bring forth and share with others, I simply couldn’t hit pay dirt.  I finally felt guided to post archived essays for the months of gestation that unprecedented and challenging new lessons would require.

As soon as I made that decision, I breathed a big sigh of relief, as I felt a welcome release of stress. After several weeks of staying away from the computer and working in my patio garden to prepare the plants for winter, I began to sense that the almost 360◦ metamorphosis from positive to negative energy was lessening its hold on me.  It seemed nearly miraculous, but then I remembered that our ancestors often took ailing patients into the forest to aid their healing.

Apparently a respite spent partnering with Nature was allowing me to stop focusing on all the negative aspects of my situation.  I had stepped back and away from the stress and disappointment of backsliding and this allowed me to begin functioning again at a more desirable level.  I realized that my time in nature brought back my perspective and this allowed me to continue objectively seeking answers.

As I continued my daily soul-searching, I prayed that my “job” (life purpose) was the same as it was before: to grow through life instead of just going through it, and sharing the insights gained with others.

It also wasn’t lost on me that experiencing once more what it was like to be living life from a lower energy vibration, and with all the negative emotions, was absolutely undesirable.  I had never liked living like that, and I still didn’t.  Even thinking about it caused a slight twinge of fearful energy to begin rising up in me.  Thankfully, I immediately felt a stronger, positive surge of energy course through my body.  I knew then that I held the answer within me and I could and would eventually reach a level of conscious awareness that to me, comparatively speaking, was like heaven on Earth.

I started to wonder how I could do that, and quickly remembered that being committed to fulfilling my highest potential in life had brought me to the former plateau.  I sensed that if I remained on that path, it would enable me to get back on course.   So, I did the only thing I knew to do.  I went straight back to the basics, and was daily working on shoring up the connection with my inner self by using positive affirmative prayers, and also claiming to increase the level of trust and faith I have in God-Good-Truth-Love, and Me.  It felt right and good.  I also went back to doing some necessary inner work and released some negative and invalid beliefs, thoughts, life patterns and idealized and false self images.

I realized that when I hit a bump in the road, the key is not to allow the poor Little Me aspect of my ego to run wild by bringing up all of my negative and self-effacing thoughts and fears.  As soon as I was relieved of built-up stress, I experienced a positive, steady energy at the core of my being—again.  Hallelujah!

It was obvious to me that this was the toughest lesson I’d ever experienced.  And I’d done it to myself, of course, by losing perspective and then tying myself up in knots over it.  I’m not ashamed to admit this now.  I’m human, and know that many of us allow negative and false thoughts to remain in our subconscious and they become strong directives in our lives.  Our souls present us with ample opportunities to face, feel, heal and release such negative directives.  The choice is ours.  (It’s simple, but isn’t always easy.)

What I finally learned was not to steadfastly try to hang onto the status quo when we reach a desired energy level and our life seems like it’s the best it can ever be.  That’s not the way life works.  We’re here to grow into a higher conscious awareness, and the opportunities are countless, and endless, and present themselves every day of our lives – unless we put up a mental Stop Sign like I did – that denies change and resists new experiences.

  

If I’m ever faced with another highly emotional lesson like this one, here’s my plan:  Before another self-blame snit-fit of stress and flailing emotions can take control, I’m going to remain calm and go within immediately and call forth the highest and best me I can be.  Then with the strongest thoughts, desire and energy I can muster, I will claim faith and trust in God-Good-Love-Truth … and Me. 

I also know now that as I choose to live this lesson, everything necessary to enable me to move forward on the next step of my spiritual journey is awaiting me.  And, my friends, from this experience, I believe that this is the way life on Earth is meant to work.                                                                   

___________________________________________                                                                           Copyright © 2016 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction;  “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (2006), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.