To Give May Be "Better" Than to Receive ... But for a Happy, Healthy Life You Need to Balance Both

    

“When I gave – gifts or service – it made me feel really good inside.

When I was on the receiving end of giving,

I often felt uncomfortable, less-than and weak.  ~Guess who?

My parents may have been acting on their early church teaching that giving was better than receiving, or they had simply come up with a handy way to settle the “who-gets-what?” issues among their nine children.  In my child’s mind – I came to believe that I was giving a lot to others without getting much in return.  At any rate, as I grew up, I became a Giver (with a capital G) because I’d learned that my selfless behavior had seemed to endear me to others as the considerate, generous and thoughtful one.  I stuck with this method of living for a very long time, until recently, when I discovered that my lifelong habit of giving-giving-giving was no longer rewarding me with the desired feelings of love and self-esteem and a sense of being a good person.  I had repeated a longtime, annual offer to an event that really matters to me … and the good feelings I always had before simply weren’t there.

Naturally I wondered if the lesson I was to learn from this uncomfortable situation was that I had accepted only half the equation of Giving and Receiving.  I went online and after reading several articles, I discovered that today Giving and Receiving are talked about as two points on the same spectrum, as well as examples of the universal dynamic energy exchanges that take place throughout the Cosmos.  It’s the give and take energy-wise that makes it all work – down to and including on the personal, individual level.  One site likened Giving and Receiving to a flowing river and as long as there were no interruptions or stoppages everything in the river was healthy and all was good.  Hmmm … now that’s an intriguing segue to learning about how healthy Giving and Receiving can improve our lives on a daily basis.

What I realized after probing my heart and mind about the unsatisfying giving experience that triggered this essay, was that the event itself was not the key to my dilemma.  The strong response was obviously meant to get me thinking, which it did.  This time, I had reacted with resistance and resentment, instead of the usual feeling of positive anticipation and joy.  Naturally, I was stunned at first because this specific event was one that I truly enjoyed and had chosen to be personally involved in for years.

As I continued seeking to understand the change in my attitude about giving, I noticed a number of uncomfortable memories popping up that served to recap some aspects of the earlier decades of my life.  The images were of kind and loving individuals who were offering me all forms of assistance or help, and my response was to avoid Receiving it like it was the plague.  Even when I was a single mother of three and needed all the help I could get, I always said, “No thanks, I can handle it,” even when I had no idea of how I could do that.

It seems for some long-forgotten subconscious reason I couldn’t allow myself to say “yes” because I associated receiving help or support with being weak, guilty, ashamed, and less-than.  I didn’t know the source of that directive in my subconscious back then and still don’t know today.

Since this is my fourth essay on this subject it’s obvious that the answer that I’ve been seeking is that I still have something to learn about how to balance Giving and Receiving and how to do it healthfully and continuously.

As I thought long and hard on why I had previously chosen to be a Giver instead of a Receiver, I realized it was a no-brainer.  With Giving there was such a good feeling, especially when the giving came from my heart to someone or a cause that I truly cared about.  This was hands-down so much more comfortable and desirable than the feeling of discomfort I experienced when I was the unaccustomed Receiver.

Today I realize that in all those years when I was so off-balance in my ideas about giving, I wasn’t just hurting myself, but others as well.  I recognized that my modus operandi back then was so filled with emotions that there was no way it could have been healthy giving or receiving.  I felt so bad for the person asking for help, for their humiliation, and for my own memories of how humiliated I felt when others knew I was needy.  During those heavy-duty emotion-packed times, I just wanted to fulfill their request quickly, so we could end the emotionally-charged situation for everyone concerned, especially me.

I never once thought about any repercussions or side effects for either the giver or receiver in such an unhealthy situation.  I realize now that I probably gifted individuals who would have been better off learning a life lesson from their needy situation, and sometimes I contributed to a charitable cause just to boost my self-esteem and feel good about myself. I am human.

Once again I was becoming overwhelmed by not being able to finally get the spiritual lesson from Giving and Receiving, so I called my go-to expert, Irene Amanda Hunter, a longtime friend, mentor and spiritual life coach.  Her book, “The Miracle of Being the Real You,” has helped countless thousands of people, including me, gain insights into our own blockages and get on with clearing them so we are free to fully be who we were born to be.

In this instance, she explained that psychologists have now acknowledged that this almost universal (Giving and Receiving) challenge comes about when as children we are helpless and dependent on having all our needs met by others.  If we were left without having received our share of what we needed, the result would be held as a powerful directive in our subconscious.  These hidden orders concerning feelings of injustice and lack can serve as silent handicaps that can thwart the life we’re meant to live. Our saving grace is to seek help and choose to grow through such challenges instead of just going through them

Now I understand why it was difficult or even impossible at times to fully express (give) my unique life gifts.  It was because I was still stuck on being needy and wanting only to receive what was lacking in childhood.  Obviously this is why I over-compensated and became a super-giver to bolster my sense of self worth. 

Since gaining insights to inner blockages is part of my life purpose, I immediately began Inner Work to release the past and the unknown subconscious directives that were causing this particular challenge.  In doing so, I finally realized that the strong body-mind-soul negative response I experienced was my body’s way of saying “Enough!” It was time to grow through this spiritual lesson and to celebrate the increased conscious awareness.

So I learned that when we feel overwhelmed it’s not time to give up and turn to food, or whatever our crutch of choice is at such times.  Instead it’s time to move forward and celebrate another growth step.  My new awareness is now enabling me to release the need to give, give, give, to prove I am worthy.  I chose faith instead of fear.  I’m also learning to say “No” to shore up my healthy “me first” goal when it’s appropriate; to set boundaries, and schedule time to continue becoming the Real Me I Was Born to Be.

The reason to master Giving and Receiving is simple and huge.  The truth is they’re both the same and you can’t have one without the other.  The desired result for humanity is that when a person is capable of healthy receiving from a healthy giver – with love and gratitude – the energy exchange is complete and perfect.  This means that divine love is expressing through the individuals and voila, we are helping create healthier relationships and a healthier, balanced world that works for everyone.

Suggestions to help us become healthy Givers and Receivers:

Take time to love the wounded child within, and develop a loving, mature adult to guide you.

Give to causes that inspire you.

Take time to learn to master Giving and Receiving healthfully.

Give to where you experience the most joy.

Take time to be Grateful for the Good that’s come to you and for the good that is yet to be.

Give and Receive with Love and Gratitude.

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Copyright© 2015 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,“  (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); “The Heart Knows the Way …” (Feb. 2008), are available on Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Making the Best of the Rest of Your Life

“Start by doing what is necessary; then do what’s possible,

and suddenly you’re doing the impossible.”  ~Francis of Assisi

I remember when I was very young hearing my 93-year old great-grandmother repeat that old maxim, “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I would have take better care of myself.”  Like most youngsters, I didn’t take my elder’s wisdom to heart.  And, eventually I did recall the conversation, with regret. Because as a much older me, I was suddenly receiving messages from my own body – I had begun to face one challenging aging ailment after another, barely coping with one before another popped up.  I shouldn’t have been so surprised – I had already written another essay based on it seeming like our older bodies might be falling apart, but it could also be our chance to partner with our bodies.  But, of course, we humans are always forgetting and then being reminded again.  The truth is that our bodies are finite, they do wear out, and they do malfunction – especially if we haven’t taken good care of them, and have taken them for granted.

So, what can we do to ensure that our later life is as healthy and productive and happy as we would like it to be?  Well for starters we need to realize the fact that statistics already show that human beings are now living longer than ever.   The trend that’s already obvious is that the 70s are the new 50s and the 90s are the new 70s.  This means (statistically) that we are going to be “old” for much longer periods of time than our parents and grandparents.

That fact automatically shoots taking better care of our bodies up to the top of all lists.  Every day for decades we’ve been inundated with information that encouraged us to eat a life-enhancing and nutritious diet, to exercise, lose weight, run, walk and keep moving so that we can have a fit and healthy body.

As seniors, many of us already had a handy excuse for ignoring the fitness craze that is still sweeping our country, because we thought it had nothing to do with us.  After all we were too busy focusing on what we thought were the last years of our lives.  Yet the truth is: Better late than never.  Thank you, Granny.

While it’s obvious that younger generations will have more time to adjust to living longer lives, we oldsters have already recognized that life itself is an incredible gift, and the opportunity to live to an advanced age can be an even greater blessing.  It’s our responsibility to make the most of it, and to prepare our bodies for a longer lifespan by staying healthy and fit, and we can do it wisely without ripped muscles and six-packs.

We also need to expand our minds and embrace the new concepts of agelessness and youthfulness, as well as life-long learning and goal-setting.  Another self-defeating thing that we foot-dragging oldsters do to stay firmly entrenched in “the old days” is to resist all changes, and particularly technological change.  I’ve heard many of my peers say when they are being chastised by their family members for retreating from the high-tech world we now live in: “Oh well, we’ll be long-gone soon.” 

People who think that way have already started opting OUT to put it bluntly.  The thought being, that we can’t move forward or don’t think we can, or don’t have the urge to do so.  The upshot of that closed and unhealthy mind-set is a fear of learning new ways, and of trying new things.  It can also isolate us from society – and put our lives in a static kind of holding pattern – that says we’re still here, but patiently waiting for the way out.

I remember a quote by bestselling author Richard Bach that fits this situation perfectly:  “If you think your mission on Earth is complete, if you’re alive it isn’t.”

I have to admit that I am still one of those “foot-dragging” seniors.  For example, just like my parents I resist using the drive-in window at my bank, and still write checks to pay my bills.  I don’t even want to talk about how little I know about my one high-tech concession, computers, for if it works that’s great, but if it doesn’t I have no clue as to what to do.  My young grandsons are my tutors.

After I was recently presented with another aging ailment, I began seriously wondering what the final chapter(s) of my life could be like if I changed my outlook and became part of our world’s evolution into a higher conscious awareness.  I knew immediately that not being part of Life and just kind of “hanging in,” wasn’t for me.

Here’s what I did.  I took a week off for a self-imposed retreat (which I call time-out-of-time) to ponder my stage of life and to revisit some of the wise words of my mentors and teachers, as well as famous sages and philosophers who have gone on before us.

This statement from my late friend and mentor Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross captured my attention

Each and every one of us is a unique, individualized expression of God – the Divine Mind – and we’re here for a reason, and there will never be another me or another you.

I was touched at the core of my being by that quote, and took the time necessary to do two things.  The first was to accept the fact that in order to continue experiencing life on Earth we must have a body and the healthier the better.  Next I took a clear look at my life to figure out what I would need to do (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) to help me make the best of the rest of my life.

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the latest ailment I was experiencing I sat down and listed my half-dozen maladies, along with specific dietary do’s or don’ts for each one.  I also added prescribed exercises, meditation, visualization, and embryonic (qigong) breathing as well as homeopathic and holistic healing modalities.

Having focused my thoughts by writing down my concerns and what I could and would do about them, I no longer felt overwhelmed. What I had done was to come up with a simple list of how-to’s that in a very short time (two weeks for me) became a healthful and uplifting habit.

As soon as I started working with my body as a willing partner, I immediately felt supported and empowered by the positive energy that now coursed through my being.  I was no longer a helpless victim just waiting for the next aging ailment to show up, I was consciously partnering with my body to attain and maintain a higher level of energy and well-being to prepare me for whatever life presents.  (This includes a bit of time to have a snit-fit when and if another malady shows up.)

As my great-grandmother also said, “When you have your health, you have everything!”  She was right.  I’m aware and kind of gobsmacked that at the age of 80 I committed to a new vision – with a healthier diet, exercises and taking full responsibility for my body.  My goal is to continue experiencing life on Earth, growing in conscious awareness instead of  just getting older … and making the best of the rest of my life.

I made my decision with a tip of the hat to the late Art Linkletter, who wrote a bestselling book years ago titled – “How to Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life – in which he said, You can’t stop the clock, but we can rewind it.” 

I chose to do that.  I finally realized that it’s time to embrace this brave new world instead of resisting it.  Life is change, and the world is changing fast and in ways that will affect every aspect of our lives—and they’ve only just begun.  The good news is that part of living in a time of rapid change also means we can take advantage of new and unparalleled opportunities … and use them to make the best of the rest of our lives.

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Copyright © 2015 Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In an Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008) are available at Amazon.com other online booksellers and bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

When You Tell Your Negative Thoughts, "You're Not the Boss of Me," Anything Is Possible

    

“We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care of what you think;                                   thoughts live; they travel far.” ~Swami Vivekananda

Like many others I need to be reminded, evidently often, that I can give myself permission to allow good into my life. Earlier this year, I spent several months feeling not quite myself, but all the tests came back clear and didn’t point to a specific problem.  This was good, I thought, because nothing was seriously wrong, but I still felt “poorly” as my mother would say. This continued until I mentioned my malady to a metaphysical friend. She looked straight into my eyes and stated firmly, “You are seeing yourself as sick.  You need to immediately change that thought and focus on visualizing yourself as healthy, happy and filled with energy.”  I started doing that, and realized that in shifting my negative focus to a positive one, it energized me, which stimulates the immune system and supports healing.

The concept of changing my thinking to change my life certainly wasn’t new to me.  But this incident left me wondering why I still don’t automatically remember what I could do as soon as I find myself stuck in another undesirable life situation. I immediately recalled another similar incident. I was in a Dream Builder class, and the dream that was coming into my mind was much bigger than I expected. I soon started to wonder why I ever thought that such a large dream was possible for me. I asked for a private session with the facilitator and told her my concerns.  When I was finished sharing my story, she said, “You can have it any way you want.”

My body’s energy response to her statement is seared in my mind.  It was quick and strong and flashed through me like a wave of electricity.  I knew instantly at the core of my being that her statement was absolutely true. The only limitations on my life are those I place on myself through my own thinking.  What an exhilarating, exciting and wonderful truth. And the best news is that we are born with this gift and when we can control our thoughts, anything is possible. 

Obviously I can still get caught up in life and need to be reminded that I have the power within me to create my life by design or default. After giving it some thought, I realized that when I get caught up in a situation and experience fear, my energy takes a nose dive. When that happens, I give up control of my life, take on the victim role and am reduced to accepting whatever life delivers.  It wasn’t until I confided “my problem” to someone who could stand in truth for me that I remembered I was capable of moving beyond the collective consciousness and reclaimed my power.

Be assured that I am exquisitely sensitive to the fact that it isn’t easy to be in control of our thoughts even some of the time, let alone all the time, but it is certainly worth the effort. I firmly believe what Jesus taught during his time on Earth: It is done unto us as we believe.

Thanks to many of today’s visionaries and authors, and Oprah’s efforts, this concept is now being put to the test by many people around the world. Some have done the "impossible" simply because they believed it was possible and never allowed limitations to stop them. We read about their stories or see them on television all the time.

So, I ask, why not you and me? To that end, I have adopted from a friend’s young grandson a powerful words-to-live-by motto.  This wise-beyond-his-years youngster was being urged by his frustrated family to admit he was losing in a seemingly never-ending board game.  At one point, he took a break, then got up and walked around.  They asked him again, hopefully, “Do you give up?”  He uttered these words of wisdom:  I never give up and I never give in, but sometimes I take a rest.  I didn’t ask my friend if he ever gave up. I smiled and chose to think that he didn’t, but the others did.

Here are some of the positive affirmative thoughts that I now use to support myself:  The power of Spirit is within me. It is creative and knows no limitation.  I never allow my earthly mind to cramp my thinking or restrict my vision. I know it is done unto me as I believe—and, I never give up and I never give in, but sometimes I take a rest.

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Copyright © 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch   (Repeated by request)

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2009) are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Live the Miracle of Finding and Being the Real You

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you

something else is a great coup."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I first began writing essays for the Internet in 2007, I had no idea that my passion and commitment would become focused on chronicling the insights I gained from daily life challenges in order to help others on their own life paths.  Along the way, I came to realize that we're all on a sacred journey to discover how life on Earth is really meant to work, and how to love ourselves and others enough to accept all the Good the world has to offer.

For me, that last part meant several decades of plumbing the depths of my subconscious to uncover the false self-images I concocted as a child to protect myself in what I felt was a lonely, overwhelming and unsafe environment.  And I was very good at it.  Unfortunately, I think I also had help from some unknowing adults who added their own unwise directives into my innocent and wide-open mind. 

Whatever the source of the negative information that was downloaded into my subconscious, I'm finally learning how to recognize and release these defensive and fake barriers so that I can fully live as the Real Me I was born to be.

I'm now able to respond fairly quickly when another layer of a false self-image is seeking my attention.  When a life issue pops up that pushes my confidence buttons, I feel the familiar emotion and frustration that tells me here we are again, and it isn't to be ignored.

For example, I was recently introduced to the work of a young man who is on a similar spiritual path, is a highly successful author-writer-speaker, and about five decades younger than I am.  I was delighted by his gifts, commitment and obvious success, and saluted him with an honest clarity that resonated with every fiber of my being.

When I thought about his wonderfulness the next morning, however, I was shocked and surprised to find that I had slipped back into an old habit of judging and comparing myself to others, and coming up with the short end of the stick.  It seemed he was so much better than I am, at everything.  This felt like a mini-emotional earthquake and once again I was a defenseless child, filled with self-doubt, sadness and shame.

I immediately took out my journal and asked for the truth in this situation, and waited.  The answer indicated that once I could identify the cause and effect of this specific false self-image, I would realize it was no longer appropriate and consciously do what I was led to do to release it.

I was led to sit quietly, say a prayer and go within.  I started the process with a mental and emotional walkabout through my childhood.  I saw in my mind's eye that even though I was born into a large family, I felt alone, defenseless and helpless. It was an added benefit to be experiencing this as the highly-sensitive adult I am now.  This made it easy to understand why as a highly-sensitive child I felt such a strong need to protect myself.  Also, since discipline in my early life was often delivered with anger, I decided that in order to be accepted loved and secure, I would have to be not just super good but perfect.  Bingo--my first major false self-image.

This insight really hit home because for the major part of my life I had struggled to be "perfect" in the opinion of others in hopes of receiving good in return.  Of course I knew that being without fault isn't possible, but I honestly thought that aspiring to such a state wouldn't hurt anyone and was in some way admirable.

I made a major breakthrough when I learned the undesirable side effects that idealized self-images have on our relationship with ourselves, others and life in general.  When we are not our true selves, we don't really know us, and neither does anyone else.  This fakery blocks us from fully loving and accepting ourselves, loving others and accepting good into our lives.  How could it be otherwise, when we don't allow our real selves to be known?

What also amazed me was that the defensive barriers and false self-images I set up as a child continued on automatic.  While as an adult, I became better able to cope with the realities of life, my ego continued these false self-images as the blueprint for my reaction whenever certain buttons were pushed.

Even though I had gradually lost sight of my original decision to be perfect, I still sensed at a deep level that I wasn't good enough and I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever.  This lifelong under-the-radar fear of being "out-ed" as a fraud instead of a paragon of humanity had ruled my existence.  Because I couldn't take the risk of failure, of being found out, this false image determined the experiences and the level of success I would allow myself in every area of my life.

And this, my dear friends, is how these idealized and false self-images can and do affect our self-confidence, our relationship with ourselves, others and the amount of good we allow into our lives.

I pray that by sharing this insight from my life, others may resonate with a need to heal and release their own false self-images, and uncover their true identity.  And if they do take on this life lesson, they will learn that the process includes forgiving themselves and any other individuals whose negative actions and words were embedded into their innocent minds.

For this, I use the forgiveness technique I learned from my friend and spiritual teacher, Irene Hunter, author of "The Miracle of Being the Real You."  I freely and wholly forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me to me, or to anyone else - past or present.  I freely and wholly forgive anyone else for any real or imagined wrong done to me - past or present.  I am free. They are free.

I also repeat a daily directed prayer to assist me in continuing to face, feel, heal and release any other idealized false self-images I still hold of myself: I am authentic and real at the core of my being.  I radiate joy, love, peace, truth, and am open to receiving all the Good the world offers.

In freeing ourselves from false self-images, we become real and open to all of life's positive possibilities, and can live as our authentic selves.  Whether we're consciously on a spiritual path or just trying to make it through our lives with as much good as we can allow, being able to love and accept ourselves as we truly are is the golden key to the most important door we will ever walk through.
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Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch      (Repeated by request.)

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008) are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble. 

You May Think You're Falling Apart ... But It Could Be Your Chance to Get It All Together

 “It’s a fact: We need a body to continue experiencing life on Earth.”   ~Fern Stewart Welch   

                                  

Two years ago, after 78 years of mostly radiant health, my body began sending me messages in the form of various maladies, a not so subtle reminder that while our souls are immortal our bodies are finite.  This falling-apart time that I felt I had reached meant that a major life choice loomed before me: Did I give up and give in, thinking that I had no alternative – or did I decide to trust my own inner knowing that tells me there is another option?  Since I wrote my epitaph when I was a freshman in college – I Lived, I Loved, I Learned – it didn’t surprise me that I had already selected my motto for this stage of life – I refuse to die until I’m dead.

In other words, I would not focus on dying, which would send my body the wrong message, which was that I was ready to go home.  At that point, my body would start to fulfill my “order” by sending me more maladies. Instead I changed my negative thoughts about my ailments to positive ones.  I knew at the core of my being that I wasn’t “falling apart,” and that I was being guided to awaken to a more expanded view of living and – ultimately – dying. So with a strong sense that every cell of my body agreed, I affirmed:  I am not falling apart; I am finally coming together.

My rationale for that strong outlook was two-fold, the maladies that were popping up got my attention and after some deliberation, I realized our bodies are sacred vehicles that allow us to

experience life on Earth.  Obviously it was also time to step up as a partner and help my body do its only job … to constantly heal itself.  Unfortunately, for most of my life I hadn’t been a good partner.  I took my good health for granted and never once thought of my body as the incredible work of genius it is.  At this point, I was able to look at this experience of things going wrong physically as another life lesson – opportunity – the kind that allows us to gain insight into how life is really meant to work.

Of course, I was aware that many sick people around the globe already lived this choice – they never thought of giving up or giving in just because of what a caregiver or space-age machine declared was their fate.  We’ve all watched them share their extraordinary stories online, on television and hungrily read their books.  Here’s one of my favorite examples:

Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., is a brain scientist who experienced a massive, debilitating stroke, and chronicled her challenge to regain her life in the book “My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey.”   After years of strong resolve and faith, and partnering with her body in selecting the medical care and therapies necessary for recovery … she discovered her body’s incredible capacity to heal.  She’s now sharing her inspirational experience with people around the world to help others, especially stroke victims.

No matter how serious their prognosis, many courageous people like Dr. Taylor accepted their own inner knowing that our bodies are equipped to reenergize, regenerate and renew every cell, organ and function—depending on our desire and conscious direction.  I humbly realize that while I don’t share the life skills and knowledge of Dr. Taylor, I am a fellow soul and therefore am heir to the same healing power that is within each of us.  Plus, I am totally committed to fulfilling my life purpose by sharing the insights I learn with others as I grow through life instead of just going through it.

The fact is that for the past three decades each member of my team of caregivers has embraced the field of integrative medicine that combines the best of modern-day medicine, as well as holistic modalities and philosophy.  This means I’ve been learning to take responsibility for my health decisions concerning drugs, surgery and so on.  The result is that despite a few aches and pains and some inconveniences, I am still here – and prescription free.

I also believe that each human being is a unique and precious individualized expression of the Universal Life Force-Energy-Spirit-God.  We’re on a unique journey that is tailored just for us, and the one-size-fits-all diagnoses and required drugs and treatments – along with a belief that the Earth is flat – belong together in the dustbin of history.  We are being called to a conscious awakening within ourselves that is a necessary step for us to keep pace with the planetary transformation that is ongoing and the incredible high-tech scientific world we now inhabit.

Being born on Earth is such a Gift.  No matter what chapter of life we’re in, it’s an opportunity to grow into a higher level of consciousness, which is why we’re here.  I believe in following that truth and by doing so, that I will be able to live life the way in which it’s really meant to unfold.  I may have come to this awareness late in life, but obviously it’s the right timing for me.  I am being led and supported in loving myself, taking charge of my life and owning my power.  Baby steps perhaps, but the feeling deep within me is the only encouragement I need to know I am on the right path.

For more than a decade, I have been focusing on fulfilling my life purposes, my potential and true heart and soul desires.  Recently I began receiving the following message from my Higher Wisdom Self:  “Take Heart, Fern, these are The First Days of the Best Years of Your Life.”  That has always lifted my heart and spurred me on to trust and have faith in what is to come.  I recognize the truth in it for now no matter what life presents, I face it, do what I can to cope with it – and continue on my journey with a reassuring feeling of contentment, joy and peace.

During the ensuing years I have experienced several brief episodes of a level of bliss that felt like heaven-on-Earth.  The first time, I hugged it to my heart and as I focused on staying in that energy, I realized it was achievable for longer periods of time right here on Earth.  In other similar instances the all-encompassing bliss was accompanied by an inner knowing that if I died right then, it would be okay for I was God-smacked with a joy that permeated my being and caused me to know that at some level, I was already perfect, whole and complete.  There was also a palpable energy that I recognized as an anticipation of Good.

The more I focus on expanding my conscious awareness of how life on Earth is really meant to be lived, the stronger the inner soul urging is to be free to live a longer life and to continue discovering the Real Me I was born to be.

We don’t have to gaze at the stars or ponder the endless number of galaxies to bring up the awe, love, mystery and potential that is inherent in the gift our bodies present to us.  All we have to do is turn within and become acquainted with our sacred life vehicles to discover the power within each of us.

When I think about it now it’s like being given a magical, mystical toy and I’m just now opening it and seeing what we can accomplish by partnering together.  This opens us to consciously realizing the incredible intelligence, love and perfection that we are.  As if that wasn’t enough, each of us shares in the Universal plan. Our role is to take every challenge as an opportunity to help us learn how life on Earth is meant to work – and to realize that our magnificent body is capable of keeping us around until we have fully expressed our unique energy, light into the world.  Thank you, Life.  I’m Happy.  More Please.

“There is a power and presence within you that is greater than you are and you can use it."   

      ~Irene Amanda Hunter, author of “The Miracle of Being The Real You.”

______________________________________                                                                                       Copyright © 2015 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart”, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2009) are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

The Importance of an Attitude of Gratitude

“Gratitude is the single most important ingredient to living a successful and fulfilled life.”

~Jack Canfield, “Chicken Soup for the Soul.”   

As everyone knows, we are facing serious challenges in our country right now, providing us a perfect opportunity to consider utilizing the highest and best information available to protect and maintain our health, prosperity and happiness or, if needed, to increase all three. Taking advantage of this tried and true information will benefit anyone who uses it, and in the process it will help heal America.

This information has been around for eons, and has allowed many individuals to create successful, enriching and happy lives despite external socio-economic conditions.

The primary concept, which I have written about before, is that by changing our thoughts we can change our lives. Millions of people around the world are confirming the truth of this concept daily by living it. They are also attaining and maintaining an Attitude of Gratitude, which is a key component that assures success.

It is helpful to remember that gratitude is simply taking the time to look around us and appreciate what we do have. And not only does the Universe love a grateful heart, it responds affirmatively by sending us more of the good we are already enjoying. In practicing gratitude each day, this places us in alignment with what is Good in the Universe. This is a powerful place from which to act. By placing only positive thoughts and affirmations of our desires into the Universal Law, and maintaining an attitude of gratitude, we can expect to receive Good back from the Universe.

The challenge for some of us lies in the fact that no matter what we have, we often see only lack and scarcity because we don’t have enough, or we fear it won’t be enough in the future, or isn’t everything we want, or what we really want. If we truly want to change our lives for the better, it is vitally important that we start to become consciously aware of the many Good things that actually are in our lives and to start being grateful for them – no matter how small they may seem to be at the time.

One excellent way to do this is to take time each day, either first thing in the morning or at bedtime in the evening, or both, to repeat everything we can think of that we can be grateful for in that day. Just say: I am grateful for ______________, and let your mind and heart fill in the blank. We can also make a daily written list or start a daily Gratitude Journal and keep track of everything for which we are grateful, including ourselves, our abilities, attributes and talents. When gratitude is practiced consistently for the good we have in our lives, the loving universe takes that as our order and sends us more of the same.

I start each morning by being grateful for another day of life, for a good night’s sleep, or an unbroken night’s sleep, for a comfortable and warm bed, for my house, my car and for each person, event and experience I will meet this day. I also repeat this affirmation daily: 

 I am grateful for this day, knowing it is the first day of the best years of my life. I am grateful for the continuing Good that comes into my life in expected and unexpected ways. 

At night, before I fall asleep, I review the day and while going over it bit by bit, I declare every event Good, every person Good and bless the day. Then I repeat the following affirmation: 

 I bless everything that happened today and everyone with whom I came in contact. I am grateful for all the Good I see in my life and for the Good that is yet to be. 

As I turn over, I always feel complete and clear of the happenings of the day, and just naturally drift into a peaceful sleep.

As we learn to focus on positive thoughts and to live with an attitude of gratitude, this raises our energy vibration, which also elevates the consciousness of humanity. Since our government mirrors our level of awareness, we will also be helping our country return to a state of harmony and balance.   This is another blessed gift for which we can be exceedingly grateful.
_______________________________
Copyright © 2008 by Fern Stewart Welch – Repeated by request.

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

We Live in a Scary World - And Making It Better Begins With Us

“We must become the changes we seek in the world.”  ~Mahatma Gandhi

  

Corporate greed, immorality, incivility in public life, disrespect for the rights of others and even less concern for how millions of people in the world eke out their lives in poverty, suffering from war, disease and lack of opportunity.

Granted there’s a whole lot of undesirable stuff going on in the world today – you have only to glance at your newspaper, go online or withstand a cycle of cable news to get a full measure of it.  And you have to wonder if this scary decline is getting as bad as we think, or do we just know more about it nowadays because of the 24-7 news coverage.

As bad as things may seem – in our neighborhoods, our country, the entire planet – there would be – believe it or not – a great deal more pessimism about this societal slip-and-slide were it not for the beliefs and actions of many millions of intelligent people around the world who are committed to helping their fellow human beings see the Big Picture, and hopefully, our role as individuals in it.

In this highly emotional climate, we need to ponder on a quote from futurist/visionary Barbara Marx Hubbard, who has been called the best informed human being now alive regarding “futurism” and the fore-sights it has produced.  Hubbard stated that “Whatever we are going through is part of the planetary struggle to evolve.”  She continued with this explanation:  "Throughout human history there has been a continuous and growing impulse toward the regeneration of humanity.”  And this is despite many examples that could cause some to question that there is any activity in that direction.  But when we take a few minutes to realize how far we’ve come – albeit in fits and starts – since cavemen wandered the Earth, it’s obvious she’s right.

Yet the mess we’re in now – that humanity as a whole has created – is serious enough that it behooves us as individuals to bypass the emotionalism of fear and blaming, and ask ourselves this question:  “What can we learn from this situation?”

I believe along with many others that our lesson as individuals is to finally pay attention and realize that we’re part of a spiritual, as well as a physical, world and it’s way past time to take responsibility for our part in changing the negativity that exists today—because it determines our tomorrows. 

  

When we can start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones in our own everyday lives, we will truly be able to feel that we are now part of the solution instead of part of the problem.  And if it seems that anything that could be done would be such a tiny step in a great journey – just remember that’s how all great journeys begin.

One of the most disturbing reactions I see in this situation, because I experienced some of it myself, is that while many people seem shocked by the sheer magnitude of the decades-long negative slips that have brought us to where we are today, they don’t know what to do about it.  Trapped in that mindset, the answer is “Nothing” when they ask themselves the question:  “What in the World Can an Individual Do?”  This makes them feel even worse.

This question came up for me during election time, and the brutality and craziness of the campaign process had totally turned me off, and for a micro-moment I thought about a way to register my disappointment – and it was to withhold my vote.  Two things happened to reverse that immature and unwise response.  First common sense prevailed and I immediately returned to my normal desire to support our democracy, which is based on individual participation, caring for the greater good, choosing to live from a higher set of values and ethics, and exercising and honoring the privilege of voting.

Second, I believe that if we’re here on Earth at this time, it’s our destiny to help ourselves, our fellow human beings, and our planet through this time.  This was confirmed for me recently while in the dairy aisle at Albertsons grocery store.  Perhaps it was only a commonplace incident, but an illuminating one for me.

I couldn’t reach the last carton of unsweetened almond milk on the highest shelf and spent a few too many minutes maneuvering.  When I turned to look for an employee to help me, I was embarrassed to see a line of carts behind me.  I began apologizing profusely and was pleasantly surprised.  Instead of snide remarks or angry words I was met with smiles and kindness.

As I expressed my delight at their responses, those total strangers spontaneously circled me and proceeded to assure me that common courtesy and human kindness still exist, and there was always hope for humanity.  The gathering concluded with high-fives, handshakes, and a half-gallon container of almond milk in my cart.

It wasn’t until I worked through my own “stuff” and gained the insight in this lesson that I was able to complete this essay—and to vote.  I realized fully that by continuing to hold negative thoughts in my mind or spewing them out verbally to others, I was actually adding to the problem instead of making a positive difference, which is my heart and soul intention.

From what I’ve learned, the answer lies in the Universal Law of Attraction, which means that like attracts like.  We already know that millions of the seven billion human beings on Earth today are

thinking, verbalizing and acting on such heavy-duty energy thoughts as anger and hatred, which are immediately deposited into the group consciousness of humanity. This magnifies and attracts even more negative happenings into our world and our lives.

The good news is that millions of us (hopefully) are now aware of an answer for what ails us and our world.  This key has been around for eons of time, dating back to Jesus and Biblical days.  It is simply this:  When we change our negative thoughts to positive ones, our lives change for the better and in that process, we elevate the consciousness of humanity.  This means we have the power individually to be part of the solution.  And we do that by mastering and cancelling negative thoughts and holding only positive ones for ourselves, others and the world.  It can begin with something as “small” as helping a shopper reach a carton of almond milk.

All we need to do is choose how we want our lives to be, and what we desire in our world, and to start claiming it in positive words, and as a done deal.  For example, repeat this positive affirmation daily:  I am grateful for a world that works for everyone, and is filled with health, wealth, wisdom, loving kindness, happiness, joy and peace.

Here are some simple steps to help us begin experiencing the incredible healing feeling that comes from accenting the positive, eliminating the negative and making a difference in the world:    

 Start a daily Gratitude Journal; it will transform your life.

Monitor your thoughts and cancel negative ones by saying cancel, cancel, cancel, together,      together, together.  (This includes your conscious, subconscious and super-conscious aspects.)

Practice living loving kindness (including yourself.) 

Forgive Everyone (including yourself) and Everything

_____________________________________                                                                                          Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life

In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

A Friend Remembers Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on the 10th Anniversary of Her Death – The Woman Behind the Iconic Image

There are no accidents, everything in life happens for a positive reason.                                         ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D

When fate and fame elevate someone to international icon status, that person is often not just idealized and idolized, but dehumanized as well.  That is what happened to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the Swiss-born physician whose book “On Death and Dying” stunned the world in 1969 with a new way of looking at how we treat the end of life.

At a time when women were not common on the world stage, Elisabeth was portrayed at times as a driven, over-confident, outspoken, irascible, hard-to-get-along-with, stubborn, witchy-bitchy, out-there woman.  Probably, if she had been a man and was doing the same job in the same way, he would have been admired and praised for his pit-bull tenacity, his intractable fierceness in never giving up or giving in.

But I knew a different Elisabeth, a vulnerable elderly woman, facing the last decade of her life out of the limelight.  These were the quiet years, the international honors and awards were all bestowed, there were no more public events where she held thousands spellbound, and all the controversies were muted.  Still the years of intense stress had taken their toll on her health, and already in a wheelchair, she retired in 1995 to Arizona where her son lived and where I also lived.

Elisabeth was good friends with the physician who established the Arizona-based foundation I directed, and when invited to be a member of the Advisory Board, she graciously accepted.  I was her contact, and we worked together for several years.  Although it was strictly professional, we enjoyed each other’s company and laughed a lot.   While she seemed drawn to me, and wanted to be friends, I resisted because I was born a highly-sensitive introvert – and I knew my limits for the kind of drama Elisabeth was capable of generating around her.

When I left the foundation in 1999 – to be with my beloved husband who was in an extended death process – I made a courtesy telephone call to honor her and to say goodbye.  She asked, “When are you coming out to see me?”  I politely explained that I no longer had a business reason to do that.  She countered with, “What does that have to do with anything?”  She called me at home once a week for a month – it touched my heart and I decided to give an ongoing friendship with this formidable woman a try.

I realized after a few visits that Elisabeth was lonely and needed a friend, and although I didn’t know it at that time, I did too.  I think what we valued in each other was our commitment to speaking our truth, and the fact that we were each spiritual seekers who were working on learning patience and how to love and be good to ourselves.

Several times a month for about five years I drove to Elisabeth’s house to share the civilized ritual of “taking tea,” which was synonymous with having a visit with her.  I learned her favorite delicacies and loved seeing her face light up with delight when I delivered them.

What mattered to me was that she seemed to enjoy my company, as I did hers.  Plus she trusted me, and I was humbled and protective of that.

I discovered that Elisabeth could find humor in any situation.  Once when she was in a rehab facility, recuperating from a fall, she asked me to hold a large glass of ice-cold lemonade so that she could drink from the straw.  We were doing okay until she waved her arm and hit the glass, spilling its contents on her chest.  She was so sensitive to cold, she let out a shriek.  When I asked God for forgiveness for failing to prevent the accident, she laughed uncontrollably and finally sucked in a breath and said, “He’s enjoying it, too!”  I was finally able to laugh, and we spent the rest of the visit embraced in carefree frivolity.

The greatest gift of Elisabeth’s life was the two young granddaughters who adored her, Sylvia and Emma.  When I shopped for my grandchildren, I often bought gifts for Elisabeth to send to hers, which brought out the child in her.  I connected the incredible love she lavished on these two, with the fact that she was born one of a set of triplets and never received the individual love and attention she desired.  I could relate because I was the seventh of 10 children.

I recall including Elisabeth at an afternoon tea in the desert, with some women friends of mine.  Elisabeth was surprisingly quiet as the others chatted away.  Later, she told me that this was the only time in her life that she had experienced such a gathering, just women getting together and having fun.   There was nothing to be “accomplished,” and no one needed anything from her.  She could just relax and enjoy.

When Elisabeth discovered my husband’s critical condition, she began subtly guiding us through it.  First she suggested that I start a journal of our experiences.  I did.  Much later she recommended that I write a book about what we went through and how we handled it.  I did.  She gave it her highest commendation: “This is not phony baloney.”  Now I realize fully that her influence led me to find my life purpose and strengthened me to actually live it.

While writing a tribute for Elisabeth’s memorial service in August of 2004, I yearned for a way to honor her that would be ongoing and could be shared with those who knew her only through the media.  The result was a book of tributes, “Tea with Elisabeth,” which was published in 2009.  The 51 contributors included bestselling authors, celebrities, hospice leaders, colleagues, family and friends.  Their memories bring to life the colorful human side of this tiny woman who became a global force for change, and yet who was so wonderfully, beautifully, painfully human.

♥♥♥

_______________________________________                                                            Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch                                                                     

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life in An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.