At this stage of life, I am looking back on a number of birthdays, some memorable and some forgettable. I recall a specific surprise celebration that was the biggest and potentially the most embarrassing birthday party I’ve ever had.
My second husband and I hadn’t been married long, and had already had an early celebration of my birthday with family members. I was unaware when the actual big day arrived.
It was about dusk on a Sunday evening and we had just come in from our vegetable garden carrying baskets of fresh produce. It was close to dinner time, and he asked me to go to our favorite little neighborhood restaurant, but I begged off. He persisted. He told me I could just slip on something comfortable, and I relented. I put on a colorful muumuu, pulled my hair back into a ponytail, quickly brushed on some blusher and lipstick and off we went. This made him happy, and it pleased me to do this for him.
I was a little surprised when the hostess walked us through the restaurant to a large private banquet room in the rear of the restaurant. Inside were fifty people shouting “Surprise!” I was stunned, and even more by the guest list, which was primarily our male business associates [his and mine] and their beautifully dressed and coiffed spouses—as well as my dearest friend. I locked eyes with her immediately with a look that I hoped said volumes.
If the event had been filmed, I would probably have been nominated for an acting award of some sort—especially if the judges were women. My husband was such a kind and generous man that I decided never to mention my feelings—to him. I did, however, make it clear to my friend, his co-conspirator, how I felt about such surprises.
Well, that same friend recently invited me to dinner with her at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate my birthday. As the day neared, she called and told me she had asked her daughter to join us. I was delighted. On the afternoon of my birthday, several of our mutual friends called and asked, “What time is the dinner?” Of course I promised to act surprised.
I totally forgive my friend for not remembering my feelings about surprise parties, because thanks to her I’ve changed my mind. That particular evening made up for any less-than birthdays I have ever had in my life.
At first I thought that the pure pleasure I felt during the event was simply because someone cared enough to remember my birthday. That was part of it—but there was more.
My friend, who I have known, loved and cherished for thirty-six years, convened a small group of our mutual friends and the result was magical. I have never enjoyed such a flawless, fun and delightful evening, and I’m sure it was mutual, which made it perfect.
The well-aimed barbs that ricocheted around the table were followed by hearty laughter. The occasion soon began to resemble a mutual mini-roast, but the tenderness and joy was evident in the trust that allowed vulnerability and total openness. While at the time I just flat-out enjoyed it, now I realize it is a testament to our lasting friendships. We have shared our innermost secrets and fears, and been there for each other through the emotional earthquakes and traumas of our lives.
Being embraced in a circle of dear, longtime friends opened doors to loving memories that are usually closed because we live in a time when many people are so fearful of intimacy. I am so grateful to these women for their continuing gift of friendship.
"For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." -Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.
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