Giving Your Power Away Means Living Someone Else’s Life—Not Your Own

I went from the warm embrace of my family into an early marriage. Because I was in love and it is what wives did back then, I ceded a lot of the responsibility for decision-making to my equally young husband. I gave my power away and I was soon enmeshed in a dependent relationship that would eventually deteriorate and end in divorce.

Since then I have learned that when you give your personal power away to anyone or anything, you end up living someone else’s life or passion—not your own.

It took me a lot of years before I figured out that life is set up to provide us what we call problems, and others call opportunities to learn the lessons we are meant to experience. These problems usually have multiple layers like an onion, and it may take us many such “opportunities” before we finally choose to face the problems and begin to learn the lessons they have for us.

When we can face our problems and reclaim our power, there awaits an awesome gift—we awaken to the fact that the power is within us, we just gave it away. In taking it back, we recognize our true worth, and become aware that we can have whatever we want [or don’t want] in our lives and can literally live out our dreams and desires.

One of my biggest life fears has always been conflict, and I’ve been able to avoid most major confrontations—until recently. A strong, passionate disagreement arose between me and others around an approach to the basic structuring of an organization we were birthing. I had invested a lot of love, time, energy and effort into this project. Even though I knew my insights had value, I was tempted to try to duck the situation, but I couldn’t do it. I had finally lived long enough to know that the same old problem would just keep coming back in different and more powerful guises until I faced it once and for all. Armed with my Truth, I initiated several opportunities in which to firmly state my case, which I thought would resolve the disagreement. The opposition was also strong and the situation became tense and emotionally charged.

As a child one of my favorite expressions was, “Truth will out!” I thought that meant it would triumph. In this case my Truth didn’t. I learned that truth can be trumped by whoever holds the authority.

This was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and for a few days I wondered if this was an appropriate use of my life energy. Then an incredible thing happened: My ego let go of the importance of being right. I did not feel any ill will or negativity for anyone involved—all I felt was freedom, love and release. With my new-found clarity and empowerment, I embraced my integrity and resigned from the organization.

My body is still reacting to the energy required to face this situation. But the peace I feel within is surely my soul’s response to finally owning my power, standing in truth and choosing to speak up for me. I bless everyone involved, sincerely wish them success, and know that whatever they have to learn from this is none of my business.

I believe the feeling at the core of my being confirms that this was undeniably one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned. It certainly carried the most energy. There is usually a life gift in each of such lessons learned: Sometimes a relationship is healed, a physical problem goes away or a door opens, and voila! I want the universe to know that I’m expecting a really big gift this time!
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available at Amazon.com and other online booksellers, as well as through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.