Make Peace With Your Past and It Won't Sabotage Your Present

   

 I’m pursuing a path of love because it helps me forgive myself and others.          

                                                     ~Fern Stewart Welch

  Sometime ago I learned my offspring were planning a dinner party to celebrate my 80^th birthday.  I was awestruck and a little nervous.  While it seemed a lovely idea; I thought the odds of getting everyone together were slim.  If you have followed any part of my almost eight-year commitment to writing about growing through life instead of just going through it, you know two things:  First, that I bare the rawest places in my heart and psyche to share the insights that I gain to help others create better lives; and second, my family was ripped apart by a divorce that happened decades ago and like many other modern-day families, we are still coping with the consequences.  We have wounds that are not fully healed, and lessons not fully learned.  

What I hug to my heart, however, is that each adult offspring has survived, and prospered in their lives, thank you God.

In looking back over what was the greatest regret of my life, it is hands-down the breakup of my first marriage and the fractured relationships that resulted. I realize now that the energy behind the memories of what we all experienced decades ago has probably lessened somewhat just by the passage of years, yet my uncertainty at even the idea of us all being together at one time let me know I still hold some energy around the upcoming event.  I’m sure this is probably true for some of my family members also.

Although I had dreamed of and prayed constantly for not just a reunion of my family, but a true healing for everyone, I fully realized the difference between my time and God’s time, which also includes the right time for everyone concerned.  I had gradually accepted that an encompassing expression of family unity wasn’t likely to happen in my lifetime.

At first the planned family event didn’t seem to be having a strong effect on me.  Then after a week or so, I began to feel the unresolved emotional energy that had been repressed and suppressed for decades beginning to pop up. 

I soon recognized that I was facing a “come to Jesus” time with my own inner stuff.  Evidently this family gathering, which had been the desire of my life for so many years, was shaking up some energies within me that were desperate to break free, be acknowledged, healed and released.

In my over-active imagination, a coming together with all my adult children and their families seemed fraught with less-than-desirable possibilities.  For a micro-second I even thought about bowing out of the event, and in a low moment, I tentatively mentioned backing out to my daughter (also at times my mother-figure), and she came back with a spiritual truth that brought that train of thought to a screeching halt.  She said, “Remember your own words: If you’re the one hurting, it’s your problem.”  Ouch, she was right.

Even at that point, though, the low-level thoughts and feelings were still strong enough to cause me to go within and seek help from my inner guidance.  I knew from years of inner work that the energy attached to my “swallowed-down” feelings had to be fully experienced to allow a healing to take place.  I fulfilled that directive by bringing the suppressed energy-emotions to the surface and releasing them.  I immediately felt a new-found peace at the core of my being.  Then I was directed to do the following:

Ask yourself the following questions and answer from the Truth at the core of your being:

·         What is your greatest life sadness?

·         The breakup of my first marriage, and the fractured family that resulted.

·         What did you learn from that experience?

·         I learned from the heartbreak of divorce, and the pain and suffering of our children, the true meaning of love.

·       

             How did your children fare during this upheaval?

·         Not well.  I thank God they’re alive, and are now stronger than ever by overcoming such challenges and choosing to grow through them and become wiser and more conscious and aware human beings.

·         What do you “owe” your offspring?  And yourself?  

F     For my offspring, I owe automatic forgiveness for any behavior they presented over the decades that was  The only way they knew to cope with such a huge life trauma.  As for myself, I sought forgiveness via the spiritual path and found some inner peace by remembering that I did the best I could with my then-conscious awareness.  I did the one thing I was capable of doing, loving them as unconditionally as I was equipped to do.  I couldn’t save them or eliminate the hurt.  I just loved them to the best of my ability. 

(The current life lesson I’m focusing on is self-love.  I realize now that the more I love myself in a healthy way, the more I am able to love others healthfully.) 

·         At this point I had my own question:  How can I hold any undesirable emotions that might pop up in check?  

      The answer was: By being open to receiving love.  
       (This insight-lesson seems three-fold: I need to forgive, heal and release past memories. 

·         This increases my level of self-love so that I could rise above the energies that cause me to focus on my hurts.  Instead I felt strong compassion for my offspring based on what they might still be experiencing.  This conscious awakening that is stirred up then begins to right any imbalances in giving and receiving, which allows opening to receiving love.)    

·         My next question was how do I anchor in this awakening and access it at the event and open to receiving love? 
      The answer was:  “Simply say, thank you for coming to every adult in attendance.  They are honoring you and their own soul-growth by being there.  You deserve this and they do, too.  Be loving kindness.  Be the real you that you came in to be.  Rejoice.  Be glad.”

As the days passed, I spent a lot of time working on myself and reviewing the directives I received from my inner guidance.  I had already experienced several powerful energy-release sessions, accompanied by intense chest-heaving emotion and heart-wrenching tears.  Also during a pre-birthday lunch date with a long-time friend and spiritual confidante, we talked a lot about how positive affirmations, directed prayers and forgiveness work had proven powerful in our lives.  As I left the restaurant with my friend, I felt my heart opening, and I knew a healing was happening within me.

Not only did I feel it physically, I felt it emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Instead of focusing on myself and my fears and foibles, I was now able to come from a place of clarity within that was free of the negative past memories that blocked having a healthy loving relationship with myself, my offspring and their families.

With that positive thought before me and a new perspective on not allowing the past to spoil my present and the future, I wrote out the following directed prayer that I would repeat daily to take us through the upcoming event and beyond:

I claim that the Divine White Light of the Christ

And the Golden Light of God’s Grace

Guides our family into Divine Right Action in every aspect of our lives.

♥♥♥♥♥  While I recognized several days before the birthday party that all my concerns were gone, I had no idea the family gathering would provide another level of insight.  At the event, I did exactly as my inner guidance directed, and soon realized I was grounded in a cocoon of gentle joy, love and peace.  For a brief, yet significant time, I was aware of a bliss within, and wondered if this is what Heaven on Earth feels like.  The evening was marked for me also by it’s easy moment-to-moment unfolding.

On the drive home, I knew I wanted to hold onto the experience. I spent the following days in quiet contemplation, savoring the experience and being grateful for my family, the gift of life, and the opportunity to be a better me.

The lesson I learned is that no matter how long we’ve prayed and worked on making peace with the past, if we are still “bothered” by energies that pop up and upset us—we still have some inner work to do.  The truth is that when we choose to heal and release the past, we free ourselves to live in the moment, to choose healthy ways to love, and to create the lives we truly desire.  ♥♥♥♥♥

FYI:  If you or someone you know truly desires to choose forgiveness to release the past, try the following.  First, make the conscious choice to forgive yourself and others.  Be patient and work with the following technique, which has served me well:

I freely and wholly forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me, to me, or to ___________, or anyone else, past or present.  I freely and wholly forgive ___________, or anyone else for any real or imagined wrongs done to me, past or present.

I AM FREE.  THEY ARE FREE.  And So It Is.

Copyright © 2014 Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008); are all available at  Amazon.con, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.