Live the Miracle of Finding and Being the Real You

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you

something else is a great coup."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I first began writing essays for the Internet in 2007, I had no idea that my passion and commitment would become focused on chronicling the insights I gained from daily life challenges in order to help others on their own life paths.  Along the way, I came to realize that we're all on a sacred journey to discover how life on Earth is really meant to work, and how to love ourselves and others enough to accept all the Good the world has to offer.

For me, that last part meant several decades of plumbing the depths of my subconscious to uncover the false self-images I concocted as a child to protect myself in what I felt was a lonely, overwhelming and unsafe environment.  And I was very good at it.  Unfortunately, I think I also had help from some unknowing adults who added their own unwise directives into my innocent and wide-open mind. 

Whatever the source of the negative information that was downloaded into my subconscious, I'm finally learning how to recognize and release these defensive and fake barriers so that I can fully live as the Real Me I was born to be.

I'm now able to respond fairly quickly when another layer of a false self-image is seeking my attention.  When a life issue pops up that pushes my confidence buttons, I feel the familiar emotion and frustration that tells me here we are again, and it isn't to be ignored.

For example, I was recently introduced to the work of a young man who is on a similar spiritual path, is a highly successful author-writer-speaker, and about five decades younger than I am.  I was delighted by his gifts, commitment and obvious success, and saluted him with an honest clarity that resonated with every fiber of my being.

When I thought about his wonderfulness the next morning, however, I was shocked and surprised to find that I had slipped back into an old habit of judging and comparing myself to others, and coming up with the short end of the stick.  It seemed he was so much better than I am, at everything.  This felt like a mini-emotional earthquake and once again I was a defenseless child, filled with self-doubt, sadness and shame.

I immediately took out my journal and asked for the truth in this situation, and waited.  The answer indicated that once I could identify the cause and effect of this specific false self-image, I would realize it was no longer appropriate and consciously do what I was led to do to release it.

I was led to sit quietly, say a prayer and go within.  I started the process with a mental and emotional walkabout through my childhood.  I saw in my mind's eye that even though I was born into a large family, I felt alone, defenseless and helpless. It was an added benefit to be experiencing this as the highly-sensitive adult I am now.  This made it easy to understand why as a highly-sensitive child I felt such a strong need to protect myself.  Also, since discipline in my early life was often delivered with anger, I decided that in order to be accepted loved and secure, I would have to be not just super good but perfect.  Bingo--my first major false self-image.

This insight really hit home because for the major part of my life I had struggled to be "perfect" in the opinion of others in hopes of receiving good in return.  Of course I knew that being without fault isn't possible, but I honestly thought that aspiring to such a state wouldn't hurt anyone and was in some way admirable.

I made a major breakthrough when I learned the undesirable side effects that idealized self-images have on our relationship with ourselves, others and life in general.  When we are not our true selves, we don't really know us, and neither does anyone else.  This fakery blocks us from fully loving and accepting ourselves, loving others and accepting good into our lives.  How could it be otherwise, when we don't allow our real selves to be known?

What also amazed me was that the defensive barriers and false self-images I set up as a child continued on automatic.  While as an adult, I became better able to cope with the realities of life, my ego continued these false self-images as the blueprint for my reaction whenever certain buttons were pushed.

Even though I had gradually lost sight of my original decision to be perfect, I still sensed at a deep level that I wasn't good enough and I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever.  This lifelong under-the-radar fear of being "out-ed" as a fraud instead of a paragon of humanity had ruled my existence.  Because I couldn't take the risk of failure, of being found out, this false image determined the experiences and the level of success I would allow myself in every area of my life.

And this, my dear friends, is how these idealized and false self-images can and do affect our self-confidence, our relationship with ourselves, others and the amount of good we allow into our lives.

I pray that by sharing this insight from my life, others may resonate with a need to heal and release their own false self-images, and uncover their true identity.  And if they do take on this life lesson, they will learn that the process includes forgiving themselves and any other individuals whose negative actions and words were embedded into their innocent minds.

For this, I use the forgiveness technique I learned from my friend and spiritual teacher, Irene Hunter, author of "The Miracle of Being the Real You."  I freely and wholly forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me to me, or to anyone else - past or present.  I freely and wholly forgive anyone else for any real or imagined wrong done to me - past or present.  I am free. They are free.

I also repeat a daily directed prayer to assist me in continuing to face, feel, heal and release any other idealized false self-images I still hold of myself: I am authentic and real at the core of my being.  I radiate joy, love, peace, truth, and am open to receiving all the Good the world offers.

In freeing ourselves from false self-images, we become real and open to all of life's positive possibilities, and can live as our authentic selves.  Whether we're consciously on a spiritual path or just trying to make it through our lives with as much good as we can allow, being able to love and accept ourselves as we truly are is the golden key to the most important door we will ever walk through.
_______________________________
Copyright 2013 by Fern Stewart Welch      (Repeated by request.)

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008) are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble. 

You May Think You're Falling Apart ... But It Could Be Your Chance to Get It All Together

 “It’s a fact: We need a body to continue experiencing life on Earth.”   ~Fern Stewart Welch   

                                  

Two years ago, after 78 years of mostly radiant health, my body began sending me messages in the form of various maladies, a not so subtle reminder that while our souls are immortal our bodies are finite.  This falling-apart time that I felt I had reached meant that a major life choice loomed before me: Did I give up and give in, thinking that I had no alternative – or did I decide to trust my own inner knowing that tells me there is another option?  Since I wrote my epitaph when I was a freshman in college – I Lived, I Loved, I Learned – it didn’t surprise me that I had already selected my motto for this stage of life – I refuse to die until I’m dead.

In other words, I would not focus on dying, which would send my body the wrong message, which was that I was ready to go home.  At that point, my body would start to fulfill my “order” by sending me more maladies. Instead I changed my negative thoughts about my ailments to positive ones.  I knew at the core of my being that I wasn’t “falling apart,” and that I was being guided to awaken to a more expanded view of living and – ultimately – dying. So with a strong sense that every cell of my body agreed, I affirmed:  I am not falling apart; I am finally coming together.

My rationale for that strong outlook was two-fold, the maladies that were popping up got my attention and after some deliberation, I realized our bodies are sacred vehicles that allow us to

experience life on Earth.  Obviously it was also time to step up as a partner and help my body do its only job … to constantly heal itself.  Unfortunately, for most of my life I hadn’t been a good partner.  I took my good health for granted and never once thought of my body as the incredible work of genius it is.  At this point, I was able to look at this experience of things going wrong physically as another life lesson – opportunity – the kind that allows us to gain insight into how life is really meant to work.

Of course, I was aware that many sick people around the globe already lived this choice – they never thought of giving up or giving in just because of what a caregiver or space-age machine declared was their fate.  We’ve all watched them share their extraordinary stories online, on television and hungrily read their books.  Here’s one of my favorite examples:

Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D., is a brain scientist who experienced a massive, debilitating stroke, and chronicled her challenge to regain her life in the book “My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey.”   After years of strong resolve and faith, and partnering with her body in selecting the medical care and therapies necessary for recovery … she discovered her body’s incredible capacity to heal.  She’s now sharing her inspirational experience with people around the world to help others, especially stroke victims.

No matter how serious their prognosis, many courageous people like Dr. Taylor accepted their own inner knowing that our bodies are equipped to reenergize, regenerate and renew every cell, organ and function—depending on our desire and conscious direction.  I humbly realize that while I don’t share the life skills and knowledge of Dr. Taylor, I am a fellow soul and therefore am heir to the same healing power that is within each of us.  Plus, I am totally committed to fulfilling my life purpose by sharing the insights I learn with others as I grow through life instead of just going through it.

The fact is that for the past three decades each member of my team of caregivers has embraced the field of integrative medicine that combines the best of modern-day medicine, as well as holistic modalities and philosophy.  This means I’ve been learning to take responsibility for my health decisions concerning drugs, surgery and so on.  The result is that despite a few aches and pains and some inconveniences, I am still here – and prescription free.

I also believe that each human being is a unique and precious individualized expression of the Universal Life Force-Energy-Spirit-God.  We’re on a unique journey that is tailored just for us, and the one-size-fits-all diagnoses and required drugs and treatments – along with a belief that the Earth is flat – belong together in the dustbin of history.  We are being called to a conscious awakening within ourselves that is a necessary step for us to keep pace with the planetary transformation that is ongoing and the incredible high-tech scientific world we now inhabit.

Being born on Earth is such a Gift.  No matter what chapter of life we’re in, it’s an opportunity to grow into a higher level of consciousness, which is why we’re here.  I believe in following that truth and by doing so, that I will be able to live life the way in which it’s really meant to unfold.  I may have come to this awareness late in life, but obviously it’s the right timing for me.  I am being led and supported in loving myself, taking charge of my life and owning my power.  Baby steps perhaps, but the feeling deep within me is the only encouragement I need to know I am on the right path.

For more than a decade, I have been focusing on fulfilling my life purposes, my potential and true heart and soul desires.  Recently I began receiving the following message from my Higher Wisdom Self:  “Take Heart, Fern, these are The First Days of the Best Years of Your Life.”  That has always lifted my heart and spurred me on to trust and have faith in what is to come.  I recognize the truth in it for now no matter what life presents, I face it, do what I can to cope with it – and continue on my journey with a reassuring feeling of contentment, joy and peace.

During the ensuing years I have experienced several brief episodes of a level of bliss that felt like heaven-on-Earth.  The first time, I hugged it to my heart and as I focused on staying in that energy, I realized it was achievable for longer periods of time right here on Earth.  In other similar instances the all-encompassing bliss was accompanied by an inner knowing that if I died right then, it would be okay for I was God-smacked with a joy that permeated my being and caused me to know that at some level, I was already perfect, whole and complete.  There was also a palpable energy that I recognized as an anticipation of Good.

The more I focus on expanding my conscious awareness of how life on Earth is really meant to be lived, the stronger the inner soul urging is to be free to live a longer life and to continue discovering the Real Me I was born to be.

We don’t have to gaze at the stars or ponder the endless number of galaxies to bring up the awe, love, mystery and potential that is inherent in the gift our bodies present to us.  All we have to do is turn within and become acquainted with our sacred life vehicles to discover the power within each of us.

When I think about it now it’s like being given a magical, mystical toy and I’m just now opening it and seeing what we can accomplish by partnering together.  This opens us to consciously realizing the incredible intelligence, love and perfection that we are.  As if that wasn’t enough, each of us shares in the Universal plan. Our role is to take every challenge as an opportunity to help us learn how life on Earth is meant to work – and to realize that our magnificent body is capable of keeping us around until we have fully expressed our unique energy, light into the world.  Thank you, Life.  I’m Happy.  More Please.

“There is a power and presence within you that is greater than you are and you can use it."   

      ~Irene Amanda Hunter, author of “The Miracle of Being The Real You.”

______________________________________                                                                                       Copyright © 2015 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart”, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2009) are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

The Importance of an Attitude of Gratitude

“Gratitude is the single most important ingredient to living a successful and fulfilled life.”

~Jack Canfield, “Chicken Soup for the Soul.”   

As everyone knows, we are facing serious challenges in our country right now, providing us a perfect opportunity to consider utilizing the highest and best information available to protect and maintain our health, prosperity and happiness or, if needed, to increase all three. Taking advantage of this tried and true information will benefit anyone who uses it, and in the process it will help heal America.

This information has been around for eons, and has allowed many individuals to create successful, enriching and happy lives despite external socio-economic conditions.

The primary concept, which I have written about before, is that by changing our thoughts we can change our lives. Millions of people around the world are confirming the truth of this concept daily by living it. They are also attaining and maintaining an Attitude of Gratitude, which is a key component that assures success.

It is helpful to remember that gratitude is simply taking the time to look around us and appreciate what we do have. And not only does the Universe love a grateful heart, it responds affirmatively by sending us more of the good we are already enjoying. In practicing gratitude each day, this places us in alignment with what is Good in the Universe. This is a powerful place from which to act. By placing only positive thoughts and affirmations of our desires into the Universal Law, and maintaining an attitude of gratitude, we can expect to receive Good back from the Universe.

The challenge for some of us lies in the fact that no matter what we have, we often see only lack and scarcity because we don’t have enough, or we fear it won’t be enough in the future, or isn’t everything we want, or what we really want. If we truly want to change our lives for the better, it is vitally important that we start to become consciously aware of the many Good things that actually are in our lives and to start being grateful for them – no matter how small they may seem to be at the time.

One excellent way to do this is to take time each day, either first thing in the morning or at bedtime in the evening, or both, to repeat everything we can think of that we can be grateful for in that day. Just say: I am grateful for ______________, and let your mind and heart fill in the blank. We can also make a daily written list or start a daily Gratitude Journal and keep track of everything for which we are grateful, including ourselves, our abilities, attributes and talents. When gratitude is practiced consistently for the good we have in our lives, the loving universe takes that as our order and sends us more of the same.

I start each morning by being grateful for another day of life, for a good night’s sleep, or an unbroken night’s sleep, for a comfortable and warm bed, for my house, my car and for each person, event and experience I will meet this day. I also repeat this affirmation daily: 

 I am grateful for this day, knowing it is the first day of the best years of my life. I am grateful for the continuing Good that comes into my life in expected and unexpected ways. 

At night, before I fall asleep, I review the day and while going over it bit by bit, I declare every event Good, every person Good and bless the day. Then I repeat the following affirmation: 

 I bless everything that happened today and everyone with whom I came in contact. I am grateful for all the Good I see in my life and for the Good that is yet to be. 

As I turn over, I always feel complete and clear of the happenings of the day, and just naturally drift into a peaceful sleep.

As we learn to focus on positive thoughts and to live with an attitude of gratitude, this raises our energy vibration, which also elevates the consciousness of humanity. Since our government mirrors our level of awareness, we will also be helping our country return to a state of harmony and balance.   This is another blessed gift for which we can be exceedingly grateful.
_______________________________
Copyright © 2008 by Fern Stewart Welch – Repeated by request.

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

We Live in a Scary World - And Making It Better Begins With Us

“We must become the changes we seek in the world.”  ~Mahatma Gandhi

  

Corporate greed, immorality, incivility in public life, disrespect for the rights of others and even less concern for how millions of people in the world eke out their lives in poverty, suffering from war, disease and lack of opportunity.

Granted there’s a whole lot of undesirable stuff going on in the world today – you have only to glance at your newspaper, go online or withstand a cycle of cable news to get a full measure of it.  And you have to wonder if this scary decline is getting as bad as we think, or do we just know more about it nowadays because of the 24-7 news coverage.

As bad as things may seem – in our neighborhoods, our country, the entire planet – there would be – believe it or not – a great deal more pessimism about this societal slip-and-slide were it not for the beliefs and actions of many millions of intelligent people around the world who are committed to helping their fellow human beings see the Big Picture, and hopefully, our role as individuals in it.

In this highly emotional climate, we need to ponder on a quote from futurist/visionary Barbara Marx Hubbard, who has been called the best informed human being now alive regarding “futurism” and the fore-sights it has produced.  Hubbard stated that “Whatever we are going through is part of the planetary struggle to evolve.”  She continued with this explanation:  "Throughout human history there has been a continuous and growing impulse toward the regeneration of humanity.”  And this is despite many examples that could cause some to question that there is any activity in that direction.  But when we take a few minutes to realize how far we’ve come – albeit in fits and starts – since cavemen wandered the Earth, it’s obvious she’s right.

Yet the mess we’re in now – that humanity as a whole has created – is serious enough that it behooves us as individuals to bypass the emotionalism of fear and blaming, and ask ourselves this question:  “What can we learn from this situation?”

I believe along with many others that our lesson as individuals is to finally pay attention and realize that we’re part of a spiritual, as well as a physical, world and it’s way past time to take responsibility for our part in changing the negativity that exists today—because it determines our tomorrows. 

  

When we can start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones in our own everyday lives, we will truly be able to feel that we are now part of the solution instead of part of the problem.  And if it seems that anything that could be done would be such a tiny step in a great journey – just remember that’s how all great journeys begin.

One of the most disturbing reactions I see in this situation, because I experienced some of it myself, is that while many people seem shocked by the sheer magnitude of the decades-long negative slips that have brought us to where we are today, they don’t know what to do about it.  Trapped in that mindset, the answer is “Nothing” when they ask themselves the question:  “What in the World Can an Individual Do?”  This makes them feel even worse.

This question came up for me during election time, and the brutality and craziness of the campaign process had totally turned me off, and for a micro-moment I thought about a way to register my disappointment – and it was to withhold my vote.  Two things happened to reverse that immature and unwise response.  First common sense prevailed and I immediately returned to my normal desire to support our democracy, which is based on individual participation, caring for the greater good, choosing to live from a higher set of values and ethics, and exercising and honoring the privilege of voting.

Second, I believe that if we’re here on Earth at this time, it’s our destiny to help ourselves, our fellow human beings, and our planet through this time.  This was confirmed for me recently while in the dairy aisle at Albertsons grocery store.  Perhaps it was only a commonplace incident, but an illuminating one for me.

I couldn’t reach the last carton of unsweetened almond milk on the highest shelf and spent a few too many minutes maneuvering.  When I turned to look for an employee to help me, I was embarrassed to see a line of carts behind me.  I began apologizing profusely and was pleasantly surprised.  Instead of snide remarks or angry words I was met with smiles and kindness.

As I expressed my delight at their responses, those total strangers spontaneously circled me and proceeded to assure me that common courtesy and human kindness still exist, and there was always hope for humanity.  The gathering concluded with high-fives, handshakes, and a half-gallon container of almond milk in my cart.

It wasn’t until I worked through my own “stuff” and gained the insight in this lesson that I was able to complete this essay—and to vote.  I realized fully that by continuing to hold negative thoughts in my mind or spewing them out verbally to others, I was actually adding to the problem instead of making a positive difference, which is my heart and soul intention.

From what I’ve learned, the answer lies in the Universal Law of Attraction, which means that like attracts like.  We already know that millions of the seven billion human beings on Earth today are

thinking, verbalizing and acting on such heavy-duty energy thoughts as anger and hatred, which are immediately deposited into the group consciousness of humanity. This magnifies and attracts even more negative happenings into our world and our lives.

The good news is that millions of us (hopefully) are now aware of an answer for what ails us and our world.  This key has been around for eons of time, dating back to Jesus and Biblical days.  It is simply this:  When we change our negative thoughts to positive ones, our lives change for the better and in that process, we elevate the consciousness of humanity.  This means we have the power individually to be part of the solution.  And we do that by mastering and cancelling negative thoughts and holding only positive ones for ourselves, others and the world.  It can begin with something as “small” as helping a shopper reach a carton of almond milk.

All we need to do is choose how we want our lives to be, and what we desire in our world, and to start claiming it in positive words, and as a done deal.  For example, repeat this positive affirmation daily:  I am grateful for a world that works for everyone, and is filled with health, wealth, wisdom, loving kindness, happiness, joy and peace.

Here are some simple steps to help us begin experiencing the incredible healing feeling that comes from accenting the positive, eliminating the negative and making a difference in the world:    

 Start a daily Gratitude Journal; it will transform your life.

Monitor your thoughts and cancel negative ones by saying cancel, cancel, cancel, together,      together, together.  (This includes your conscious, subconscious and super-conscious aspects.)

Practice living loving kindness (including yourself.) 

Forgive Everyone (including yourself) and Everything

_____________________________________                                                                                          Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart,” (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live A Balanced Life

In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

A Friend Remembers Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on the 10th Anniversary of Her Death – The Woman Behind the Iconic Image

There are no accidents, everything in life happens for a positive reason.                                         ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D

When fate and fame elevate someone to international icon status, that person is often not just idealized and idolized, but dehumanized as well.  That is what happened to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the Swiss-born physician whose book “On Death and Dying” stunned the world in 1969 with a new way of looking at how we treat the end of life.

At a time when women were not common on the world stage, Elisabeth was portrayed at times as a driven, over-confident, outspoken, irascible, hard-to-get-along-with, stubborn, witchy-bitchy, out-there woman.  Probably, if she had been a man and was doing the same job in the same way, he would have been admired and praised for his pit-bull tenacity, his intractable fierceness in never giving up or giving in.

But I knew a different Elisabeth, a vulnerable elderly woman, facing the last decade of her life out of the limelight.  These were the quiet years, the international honors and awards were all bestowed, there were no more public events where she held thousands spellbound, and all the controversies were muted.  Still the years of intense stress had taken their toll on her health, and already in a wheelchair, she retired in 1995 to Arizona where her son lived and where I also lived.

Elisabeth was good friends with the physician who established the Arizona-based foundation I directed, and when invited to be a member of the Advisory Board, she graciously accepted.  I was her contact, and we worked together for several years.  Although it was strictly professional, we enjoyed each other’s company and laughed a lot.   While she seemed drawn to me, and wanted to be friends, I resisted because I was born a highly-sensitive introvert – and I knew my limits for the kind of drama Elisabeth was capable of generating around her.

When I left the foundation in 1999 – to be with my beloved husband who was in an extended death process – I made a courtesy telephone call to honor her and to say goodbye.  She asked, “When are you coming out to see me?”  I politely explained that I no longer had a business reason to do that.  She countered with, “What does that have to do with anything?”  She called me at home once a week for a month – it touched my heart and I decided to give an ongoing friendship with this formidable woman a try.

I realized after a few visits that Elisabeth was lonely and needed a friend, and although I didn’t know it at that time, I did too.  I think what we valued in each other was our commitment to speaking our truth, and the fact that we were each spiritual seekers who were working on learning patience and how to love and be good to ourselves.

Several times a month for about five years I drove to Elisabeth’s house to share the civilized ritual of “taking tea,” which was synonymous with having a visit with her.  I learned her favorite delicacies and loved seeing her face light up with delight when I delivered them.

What mattered to me was that she seemed to enjoy my company, as I did hers.  Plus she trusted me, and I was humbled and protective of that.

I discovered that Elisabeth could find humor in any situation.  Once when she was in a rehab facility, recuperating from a fall, she asked me to hold a large glass of ice-cold lemonade so that she could drink from the straw.  We were doing okay until she waved her arm and hit the glass, spilling its contents on her chest.  She was so sensitive to cold, she let out a shriek.  When I asked God for forgiveness for failing to prevent the accident, she laughed uncontrollably and finally sucked in a breath and said, “He’s enjoying it, too!”  I was finally able to laugh, and we spent the rest of the visit embraced in carefree frivolity.

The greatest gift of Elisabeth’s life was the two young granddaughters who adored her, Sylvia and Emma.  When I shopped for my grandchildren, I often bought gifts for Elisabeth to send to hers, which brought out the child in her.  I connected the incredible love she lavished on these two, with the fact that she was born one of a set of triplets and never received the individual love and attention she desired.  I could relate because I was the seventh of 10 children.

I recall including Elisabeth at an afternoon tea in the desert, with some women friends of mine.  Elisabeth was surprisingly quiet as the others chatted away.  Later, she told me that this was the only time in her life that she had experienced such a gathering, just women getting together and having fun.   There was nothing to be “accomplished,” and no one needed anything from her.  She could just relax and enjoy.

When Elisabeth discovered my husband’s critical condition, she began subtly guiding us through it.  First she suggested that I start a journal of our experiences.  I did.  Much later she recommended that I write a book about what we went through and how we handled it.  I did.  She gave it her highest commendation: “This is not phony baloney.”  Now I realize fully that her influence led me to find my life purpose and strengthened me to actually live it.

While writing a tribute for Elisabeth’s memorial service in August of 2004, I yearned for a way to honor her that would be ongoing and could be shared with those who knew her only through the media.  The result was a book of tributes, “Tea with Elisabeth,” which was published in 2009.  The 51 contributors included bestselling authors, celebrities, hospice leaders, colleagues, family and friends.  Their memories bring to life the colorful human side of this tiny woman who became a global force for change, and yet who was so wonderfully, beautifully, painfully human.

♥♥♥

_______________________________________                                                            Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch                                                                     

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life in An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Make Peace With Your Past and It Won't Sabotage Your Present

   

 I’m pursuing a path of love because it helps me forgive myself and others.          

                                                     ~Fern Stewart Welch

  Sometime ago I learned my offspring were planning a dinner party to celebrate my 80^th birthday.  I was awestruck and a little nervous.  While it seemed a lovely idea; I thought the odds of getting everyone together were slim.  If you have followed any part of my almost eight-year commitment to writing about growing through life instead of just going through it, you know two things:  First, that I bare the rawest places in my heart and psyche to share the insights that I gain to help others create better lives; and second, my family was ripped apart by a divorce that happened decades ago and like many other modern-day families, we are still coping with the consequences.  We have wounds that are not fully healed, and lessons not fully learned.  

What I hug to my heart, however, is that each adult offspring has survived, and prospered in their lives, thank you God.

In looking back over what was the greatest regret of my life, it is hands-down the breakup of my first marriage and the fractured relationships that resulted. I realize now that the energy behind the memories of what we all experienced decades ago has probably lessened somewhat just by the passage of years, yet my uncertainty at even the idea of us all being together at one time let me know I still hold some energy around the upcoming event.  I’m sure this is probably true for some of my family members also.

Although I had dreamed of and prayed constantly for not just a reunion of my family, but a true healing for everyone, I fully realized the difference between my time and God’s time, which also includes the right time for everyone concerned.  I had gradually accepted that an encompassing expression of family unity wasn’t likely to happen in my lifetime.

At first the planned family event didn’t seem to be having a strong effect on me.  Then after a week or so, I began to feel the unresolved emotional energy that had been repressed and suppressed for decades beginning to pop up. 

I soon recognized that I was facing a “come to Jesus” time with my own inner stuff.  Evidently this family gathering, which had been the desire of my life for so many years, was shaking up some energies within me that were desperate to break free, be acknowledged, healed and released.

In my over-active imagination, a coming together with all my adult children and their families seemed fraught with less-than-desirable possibilities.  For a micro-second I even thought about bowing out of the event, and in a low moment, I tentatively mentioned backing out to my daughter (also at times my mother-figure), and she came back with a spiritual truth that brought that train of thought to a screeching halt.  She said, “Remember your own words: If you’re the one hurting, it’s your problem.”  Ouch, she was right.

Even at that point, though, the low-level thoughts and feelings were still strong enough to cause me to go within and seek help from my inner guidance.  I knew from years of inner work that the energy attached to my “swallowed-down” feelings had to be fully experienced to allow a healing to take place.  I fulfilled that directive by bringing the suppressed energy-emotions to the surface and releasing them.  I immediately felt a new-found peace at the core of my being.  Then I was directed to do the following:

Ask yourself the following questions and answer from the Truth at the core of your being:

·         What is your greatest life sadness?

·         The breakup of my first marriage, and the fractured family that resulted.

·         What did you learn from that experience?

·         I learned from the heartbreak of divorce, and the pain and suffering of our children, the true meaning of love.

·       

             How did your children fare during this upheaval?

·         Not well.  I thank God they’re alive, and are now stronger than ever by overcoming such challenges and choosing to grow through them and become wiser and more conscious and aware human beings.

·         What do you “owe” your offspring?  And yourself?  

F     For my offspring, I owe automatic forgiveness for any behavior they presented over the decades that was  The only way they knew to cope with such a huge life trauma.  As for myself, I sought forgiveness via the spiritual path and found some inner peace by remembering that I did the best I could with my then-conscious awareness.  I did the one thing I was capable of doing, loving them as unconditionally as I was equipped to do.  I couldn’t save them or eliminate the hurt.  I just loved them to the best of my ability. 

(The current life lesson I’m focusing on is self-love.  I realize now that the more I love myself in a healthy way, the more I am able to love others healthfully.) 

·         At this point I had my own question:  How can I hold any undesirable emotions that might pop up in check?  

      The answer was: By being open to receiving love.  
       (This insight-lesson seems three-fold: I need to forgive, heal and release past memories. 

·         This increases my level of self-love so that I could rise above the energies that cause me to focus on my hurts.  Instead I felt strong compassion for my offspring based on what they might still be experiencing.  This conscious awakening that is stirred up then begins to right any imbalances in giving and receiving, which allows opening to receiving love.)    

·         My next question was how do I anchor in this awakening and access it at the event and open to receiving love? 
      The answer was:  “Simply say, thank you for coming to every adult in attendance.  They are honoring you and their own soul-growth by being there.  You deserve this and they do, too.  Be loving kindness.  Be the real you that you came in to be.  Rejoice.  Be glad.”

As the days passed, I spent a lot of time working on myself and reviewing the directives I received from my inner guidance.  I had already experienced several powerful energy-release sessions, accompanied by intense chest-heaving emotion and heart-wrenching tears.  Also during a pre-birthday lunch date with a long-time friend and spiritual confidante, we talked a lot about how positive affirmations, directed prayers and forgiveness work had proven powerful in our lives.  As I left the restaurant with my friend, I felt my heart opening, and I knew a healing was happening within me.

Not only did I feel it physically, I felt it emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Instead of focusing on myself and my fears and foibles, I was now able to come from a place of clarity within that was free of the negative past memories that blocked having a healthy loving relationship with myself, my offspring and their families.

With that positive thought before me and a new perspective on not allowing the past to spoil my present and the future, I wrote out the following directed prayer that I would repeat daily to take us through the upcoming event and beyond:

I claim that the Divine White Light of the Christ

And the Golden Light of God’s Grace

Guides our family into Divine Right Action in every aspect of our lives.

♥♥♥♥♥  While I recognized several days before the birthday party that all my concerns were gone, I had no idea the family gathering would provide another level of insight.  At the event, I did exactly as my inner guidance directed, and soon realized I was grounded in a cocoon of gentle joy, love and peace.  For a brief, yet significant time, I was aware of a bliss within, and wondered if this is what Heaven on Earth feels like.  The evening was marked for me also by it’s easy moment-to-moment unfolding.

On the drive home, I knew I wanted to hold onto the experience. I spent the following days in quiet contemplation, savoring the experience and being grateful for my family, the gift of life, and the opportunity to be a better me.

The lesson I learned is that no matter how long we’ve prayed and worked on making peace with the past, if we are still “bothered” by energies that pop up and upset us—we still have some inner work to do.  The truth is that when we choose to heal and release the past, we free ourselves to live in the moment, to choose healthy ways to love, and to create the lives we truly desire.  ♥♥♥♥♥

FYI:  If you or someone you know truly desires to choose forgiveness to release the past, try the following.  First, make the conscious choice to forgive yourself and others.  Be patient and work with the following technique, which has served me well:

I freely and wholly forgive myself for any real or imagined wrong done by me, to me, or to ___________, or anyone else, past or present.  I freely and wholly forgive ___________, or anyone else for any real or imagined wrongs done to me, past or present.

I AM FREE.  THEY ARE FREE.  And So It Is.

Copyright © 2014 Fern Stewart Welch

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart, (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008); and “The Heart Knows the Way—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008); are all available at  Amazon.con, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes & Noble.

Putting Yourself First May Be the Best – and Most Unselfish – Thing You Can Do

 You, yourself, more than anyone else in the Universe deserve your love and affection. ~ Buddha?

I used to wonder who decided that I was to be a giver instead of a receiver in this life. Well, now I know. I myself made that decision, and I was all of 10 years of age at the time. As young as I was, it seems I had come to a decisive point in my life. I realized I was a conscious, thinking human being, and was searching for something that would lift me up and beyond my current circumstances to a more desired life. At first, I tried finding what I was looking for by visiting some of the churches near our house, but found that their messages of “hell-fire and brimstone” were not what my heart and soul sought. I realized fully that the situation in my birth family figured in my quest also, as I was the seventh of 10 children and was born a highly-sensitive introvert. I yearned for the individual attention, guidance, and love my life was missing, and which was an impossibility in such a large family.

 The decision I made in an innocent Mother Teresa-moment was to choose the path of love and to always give priority to the needs of others (primarily my family members) instead of selfishly focusing on myself. Then I would receive back what I so sorely desired. Being a voracious reader, including books on family issues, I thought I knew how to help fulfill my needs and benefit others. For a time I focused extra attention and caring on my parents and siblings, but it made no difference in the lack of attention or acceptance I felt.

 So I extended my attention beyond the family and discovered that the responses to my selfless-do-gooder actions were beginning to make a difference in my life. It started when Miss Rule, the elementary school librarian, took me under her tutelage and I became her number-one assistant, which was a boost to my self-esteem. Something obviously shifted in the “little me,” for each teacher throughout eighth grade, responded to me in ways that were a balm to my heart and I wanted more of the wonderful feel-good feelings. Those positive feelings were so strong that I remained on the path I had chosen, unaware – or not caring – that I often ignored any preferences or needs of my own to help others.

As a grownup, once I began to focus on the lesson of self-love, which is invaluable to a balanced and happy life, it was clear that some childhood conclusions – like mine – can be the source of poor life decisions, less than healthy relationships, and an unfulfilled life. I realized that my immature decision to put others first no matter what the situation was – needed to be reexamined by a mature adult. And I was the only one who could do it.

What I discovered – became fully conscious of – was that this childhood decision was the source of active conflict in my adult life for at least a decade. It started with the publishing of my books and realizing that in addition to being a highly-sensitive introvert, I had become a spiritual contemplative. This meant that I had no interest in pursuing fame or fortune. I just wanted to follow my chosen path and to fulfill my life purpose – which is to continue growing through life instead of just going through it – and sharing the insights I gained to help others create better lives. I’m in the process of learning to balance self-love with loving and releasing others to their own destinies, and with my background this is a tall order and will take time.

The more I realized that I had been controlled by that subconscious order to always help others, the more I recognized that while some of the “motherly” things I had done through the years may have been truly love-based and healthy, some were not. Sometimes the others involved could have resolved their own challenges and learned vital life lessons, and sometimes my involvement could have been simply an unnecessary interference and probably caused emotional stress for all concerned. Now I’m beginning to experience a feeling of peace and wholeness when my actions come only from love and are positive for all concerned, and a feeling of emptiness and sadness when I realized they are ego-based and come largely from a long-term habit.

I’ve known for a long time that everything in life happens for a reason, and we’re here on Earth to learn the lessons that present themselves. For example I learned a long time ago, after having three children of my own, that there’s no way I could have fulfilled all the individual needs and desires of the 10 children my parents had. Who could? I’m sure that as parents, beyond providing a child’s basic need for shelter, food and love, it is part of the curriculum in Earth school to choose to use what challenges/opportunities life delivers us to fuel our unique life journey. The more challenging our circumstances have been, the greater the gift in overcoming the past.

 I also realize fully that everything that happened in my childhood, including the directive to choose the path of love, is what fueled me to continue on the spiritual path. That decision eventually led me to finding my life purpose, and now the opportunity to open more fully to it. I also recognize how vital self-love is in creating the lives we desire and deserve. And for those insights I bless everything that ever happened in my life for they have brought me more joy and happiness than I ever dreamed possible. Thank you, God. I have no complaints.

 Now that old directive has been replaced by a new one – to be a loving, benevolent “bystander” for those I care about. I will be there when they truly need me, and ask me, and I will remain free to focus on my own soul-growth. This requires conscious commitment, discipline and awareness every single day. It also means I continue working on loving myself so that my level of self-love is at a high level. This keeps me healthy and happy, and any decisions I make are based on selfless-love that benefits all concerned.

Helping others is a blessed life goal, but I’ve learned how important it is to put our own oxygen mask on first, because if our needs are not met, we have little or no ability to help others.

Whenever I fail, or when I doubt, or when I’m down – I remain kind and loving to myself. 

 10 Easy-Peas-y Ways to Build Self-Love, Self-Compassion and a Happy Life

 BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.

Write down what your “self talk” says about you. If it’s critical, change it to loving words.

Write out a list of your best qualities, life gifts, abilities and look at it often.

 Look in the mirror each day, lock eyes and say I love you – continue until you can feel comfortable and filled with self-love.

 Forgive yourself, others, release the past, and live in the moment.

 Set boundaries and say no to anyone or anything that does not align with your core values, your heart and soul desires, and your highest and best good.

 Meet challenges by going within and asking your inner guidance to tell you the lesson you are to learn. Don’t give up. You already know the answer.

 Meditate. Go within to experience the bliss and deep inner peace within us. Conscious awareness is inherent in this process. You will soon recognize and release old patterns and behaviors and transform your life experience. (See Meditation Made Easy in my Spiritual Warrior book.)

 Say each day with passion: I Am God’s Magnificent Vessel of Greatness!

 Repeat often during challenging times: There is an opportunity in this to learn a lesson. Thanks. Everything happens for my good (eventually) and I’m going to be gentle, kind and loving to myself every day.

____________________________________

Copyright © 2014 by Fern Stewart Welch 

The author’s books: “Becoming a Spiritual Warrior of the Heart (April 2013); “Tea with Elisabeth,” recipient of the 2010 Silver Award for Non-fiction; “You Can Live a Balanced Life In An Unbalanced World,” (Nov. 2008), and “The Heart Knows the Way – How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within,” (Feb. 2008), are available at Amazon.com, other online booksellers, as well as bookstore chains such as Barnes &I Noble.