Whenever I think of divorce I recall Tammy Wynette’s hit song of the same name. This brings up memories of what a traumatic time my divorce was for me and my children more than thirty years ago.
At the time I didn’t realize that the way I had chosen to go through the “emotional earthquake” would change the course of my life. It would also result in great emotional and spiritual growth, as well as insights and blessings.
My husband and I were both very young. We had three children in fairly rapid succession, and were just starting to grow up ourselves but, unfortunately in different directions that neither of us was mature enough to have foreseen or imagined.
The next part of our drama was fairly typical of the times: After we went our separate ways, he still had his career, and went on to new relationships and creating the future he desired. I had the children, a very limited amount of savings, no career, no job and no house to call my own. With two teenage girls and a young boy, the prospects for the future at that time didn’t look promising.
It did get better—but not quickly—because it’s in the daily struggle that the hard choices are made and valuable lessons are learned. I came home to where my family lived for emotional support, rented a townhouse and landed a job that would eventually set me on the path to a successful career.
During the years of struggle for me and my children, I was painfully aware of the traumatic effect the divorce had on them, yet I believed what the family-life counselor told me. “It’s simple,” he said. “If you are all right, your children will be all right.”
With the deep love I had for my children, a positive attitude and a never-give-up approach, I was determined to make the best of an unfortunate and now all-too-common life experience. I began to discover there was a lot more to me than I had ever imagined. I tapped into a wellspring of inner strength, intelligence and spirituality that I never knew I had. Along with this came the sad realization that I could not shield my offspring from the emotional burden of divorce. It hurts everyone. I could only pray that the challenges would make them stronger, wiser human beings.
It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t overnight, but it was happening. I think the saving grace in our wounded-ness was that it forced us to turn within and seek a connection with the sanctuary of love, wisdom and guidance that is within everyone. As the years passed, I watched with relief and gratitude as my children began to emerge from the heartbreak of divorce and become independent, mature adults.
My other heart’s desire was fulfilled when I met and later married a wonderful, compatible life partner. We had more than twenty blissful years together, and even his lengthy decline and death yielded blessings for us both, not the least of which is the book “The Heart Knows the Way,” which chronicled our incredible experience.
Today, five years after my beloved husband’s death, some people might think I would be lonely and sad. Nothing could be further from the truth. The gift I received in my dramatic struggle was to focus on the lessons to be learned in every situation, to be grateful for life and to act from the highest and best that is in me. I can honestly say I have never been happier in my life.
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Copyright 2007 by Fern Stewart Welch
The author’s book THE HEART KNOWS THE WAY—How to Follow Your Heart to a Conscious Connection with the Divine Spirit Within is available from Amazon.com, other online booksellers, and through major bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and Borders.
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